Let that be enough
by wolf of infinity
Summary: Lovino had given up hoping for someone who'd care about him. Antonio never expected to fall for the most tormented guy in town. But dark secrets and hidden dangers threatens their blooming relationship. Is it over before it even begun..? Spamano AU.
1. Prologue

_I'm back with a new multi-chapter story, this time it's a SpainxRomano story! It's my first attempt at drawing these characters, and I just want to warn you right now that this is MY take on their characters, and they might very well seem a bit out of character at times. But, I hope you'll read on anyway, and that you'll enjoy!_

_This is an AU story, and it's not intended to be historically accurate or anything. It's also yaoi/shounen-ai, which means love between two boys! If it isn't your cup of tea, then just click that little "back"-button up there, ok? ^^_

_It's going to be a dramatic, angsty and sad story, but hopefully it'll be funny and joyful too! The rating is set to M because of dark themes that aren't suitable for kids, and because of foul language, not because of any hardcore sexual themes or anything._

_Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia – Axis Powers or any of its characters. I will only state this, this one time, but of course it's valid throughout the entirety of the story!_

_Please enjoy, and leave me a review telling me what you thought about it if you want to read more! ^^_

oOo

Lovino Vargas had always loved the scent of the sea. It soothed him, and calmed him down, when his life seemed as turbulent as the sea that crashed against the rocks near his secret spot. This place seemed to be the only place he could come to for some peace and quiet, whenever it felt like everything and everyone was turning against him.

More times than not, it felt like this particular spot – quite difficult to reach if you didn't know exactly where to go, and which rocks were safe to step on – wasn't a part of the hateful and cold world he'd come to fear and despise.

He'd come across it quite randomly, in fact, at a point in his rather short life where everything had seemed particularly dark. Running blindly across the rocks, vision blurred by tears, and thoughts blurred by darkness, he had eventually reached this place, fully intent on throwing his miserable self of the rocks and into the rough waves below. In that exact moment, however, the sun had risen behind the vast ocean, illuminating everything in a golden and red hue and making the previously dark water sparkle with life. It had taken his breath away, and instead of jumping, he'd collapsed onto the very spot he now sat on, simply staring with awe as tears rolled down his cheeks.

From that day on, he'd started coming here when he was in need of privacy. It had become a place where he could sit for hours, hugging himself, crying, and dropping all the masks and pretences he put up as shields on daily basis. Sometimes, if the waves and the winds were loud enough, he even screamed at the ocean, crying out his despairs and willing them to drown in the fuming waters. It helped a little to do that – just emptying his soul of burdens, and his lungs of air.

Giving a small sob where he now sat, the young Italian pulled his knees up to his chest, hugging them as his lithe frame trembled. He probably should have brought a jacket seeing as the summer wind, which felt more like an autumn breeze today, blew straight through his formal clothes. A set of golden amber eyes swam with tears as he looked out on the sea, filled with anger and hurt.

Today was supposed to be _his_ day! _His_ birthday. Feliciano had invited several people to hold a party for him, like the kind younger brother he was, probably thinking it would make Lovino happy. Yet, within a short time, Lovino was easily forgotten and Feliciano was the one everyone talked to. Of course, it was logical; Lovino didn't know them, and wasn't exactly known to be open and welcoming to strangers. In a way, he thought bitterly, he only had himself to blame for being an ungrateful bastard. Feliciano hadn't intended for the birthday party to turn out like that, of course, and Lovino hated himself for even thinking about feeling angry with the younger Italian. He appreciated his brother's efforts, he truly did, but in all honesty; he just wished he had been spared the inevitable pain for once.

"Damn it," he cursed at himself, though it came out more as a whimper than anything else. Why did he have to be so talentless and grumpy and generally unlikeable? It was no wonder everyone liked Feliciano better than him. The younger Italian was always the cute one, the one everyone loved and admired. He was everything Lovino wasn't. God knows Lovino hated being reminded of this fact.

He supposed his hatred was easily misinterpreted by others, and led everyone to believe that his hatred was directed at Feliciano himself. The first time he'd realized what people seemed to believe was going on, it felt like a massive kick in the balls, really. He knew he wasn't the only one upset by these beliefs; Feliciano constantly tried his best to convince them all that Lovino truly loved him, and that he wasn't really mean or abusive at all. No one believed it. In their eyes and suspicious minds, he was probably a danger for his brother, abusing him as an outlet for his emotions. It was evident every time they looked at him, and that hurt more than anything.

Lovino could never hurt his brother in any way, not if he could prevent it. While it was true he was fucking emotionally unstable when around other people, he wasn't like that when it was just him and his brother alone. He'd willingly give his life for his brother. Even so, he'd probably still be seen as a cold, aggressive monster by the world in general anyway. Admittedly, he wasn't even sure he could blame them for that.

"Damn it, God, am I just a joke to you, created for your amusement? I'm such a fucking miserable excuse for a man... obviously, the world would have been better off without me." the words were only a whisper, carried away by the wind as Lovino glanced up at the cloudy skies. He knew he wouldn't be able to kill himself, however. Everyone who viewed him as a weirdo and a danger to his brother might be overjoyed; but Feliciano would be devastated. That was one of the few things he felt absolutely confident in. In a way, it was a slight relief to know that at least even his life wasn't entirely without meaning.

Closing his eyes, Lovino concentrated on the scent of sea in the air, pushing all thoughts of ruined birthdays and all ideas of a quick, painless death far into the back of his mind. Hugging himself absently, he hardly even noticed when his lips parted and he began to sing. A soft, gentle tune in his beloved native language filled the air around him, joining the sound of waves and trees whispering in the wind. The beauty of it went unnoticed to him - all he knew was the way singing would calm his rapid heart as he sat there. As if his worries drowned in the sorrowful melody, giving him a short, fleeting moment of tranquillity.

He never noticed the man standing a bit away from him, safely hidden from sight behind a few trees. Nor did he know that his singing made tears escape down the man's cheeks as he listened intently to the sorrowful melody, and the words that spoke of fear and loneliness...

oOo

Antonio Fernandez Carriedo was generally a man with an easy smile. A man who would be seen as happy-go-lucky, if not a bit oblivious. Few knew that behind his positive, passionate attitude lay many years of hard work. Having lost his family at a young age, he'd grown up under difficult circumstances, and life had never been easy for him, no matter what people seemed to believe. To him, life could easily be seen as a road he'd travelled; often by taking small, uncertain steps. Eventually, he'd reached the place and time in life that he existed in right now. A place and time where he was generally able to be in good spirits, and where he wouldn't usually resort to anger or irritation.

Throughout his life, he'd had several friends, but only a handful that he considered close to him, and he was quite happy with this, to tell the truth. After he moved here, in hopes of seeing more of the world, and possibly even settle down in the not too big town on the coast of Northern America, he had missed his friends from Spain, of course, but he wasn't particularly lonely. Already during his first weeks in the new apartment, had he made new acquaintances and even friends, something he'd been quite surprised with himself, but which didn't seem so surprising to others; With a warm, bubbly personality like his, he'd been told, people were drawn to him like flies to a light.

America had spoken of hope to Antonio, and he's grown restless and eager to travel somewhere new. Besides, it had felt as if his heart had told him to travel to this particular town, and as a true optimist, he'd followed his heart and ended up buying a small apartment here.

On the days when he wasn't at work at a local flower shop, he liked to take walks around various areas of town. More often than not, he'd end up by the sea, finding that the ocean reminded him of his old home in Spain. It wasn't that he grew particularly home sick, but there was a definite hint of nostalgia resting inside him as he walked easily across the rocks, careful not to step on loose ones.

This particular day, he had walked further than he had first planned to, thankful that he'd pulled on a jacket as a second though before leaving the apartment – the temperature wasn't very summer-like at all. Not like the summers he was used to, at any rate. Taking a small path leading across loose rocks and unstable ground, he had several times considered turning around and heading back. Eventually, a soft sound ahead of him had made the decision for him.

At first, he thought the quiet melody he heard was just the sound of the wind playing with the water. As he drew closer to the source, however, he could definitely make out a song, and when he was close enough to hear clearly, he stepped behind some trees. He wasn't sure why he was hiding, but it might have to do with the fact that the person singing was clearly out here to be on his own.

The young man, sitting a bit away from him, was dressed rather nicely, yet his clothes looked thin, considering the windy weather, and appeared somewhat dishevelled. Silky, auburn hair fluttered in the wind, and as it was lifted from his face, Antonio caught sight of pale skin, marred with tears. He couldn't see the person's expression or eyes from his position, but he could still tell that the man was deeply upset about something or the other. It was evident in both his vulnerable posture and the song that flew from his lips.

Antonio could practically feel the pain and sorrow put into the song, and it broke his heart. He hardly even noticed as tears began to fall freely, and he could only stand there numbly as he listened. When the melody ended, he felt a momentary loss, before opening his eyes, peeking out from his position to see that the man had stood, wiping at his eyes as he turned to leave. Quickly, Antonio hid further from view, holding his breath as the man moved past him. As he did, however, Antonio caught sight of his eyes.

While the young Spaniard was a bit of a romantic, he had never really believed in love at first sight. At the moment his gaze locked on those golden eyes, however, his knees felt weak and his heart picked up speed, beating so hard that he was sure the man would hear it.

It lasted only a short moment; before he knew it, the golden-eyed man had moved gracefully across the rocks, hands buried in the pockets of his pants, and then he had disappeared from view. Antonio let out a breath, sinking down until he was sitting on a rock, feeling quite shaky all of the sudden. Glancing up at the skies, he raised a hand to his chest, and gave a small hum when he could almost feel his heart beat, even through the layer of clothes he was wearing.

"So... this is why you led me here..." he whispered, knowing perfectly well that the sound of waves was the only reply he'd ever get to that statement.

oOo

_Hope you'll keep reading! Please review and tell me what you thought of it, and I'll be posting more soon!_


	2. Chapter 1

_Thank you to those who gave me some feedback on the prologue, I really appreciate it! Here's a new chapter for you all. Hope you'll enjoy it!_

oOo

Anyone who had met him and witnessed his general attitude when around people would have believed him to be some sort of lazy, half-hearted fool when it came to work. Most would assume that he would have a simple, easy-going job, like working shifts in a local supermarket or something similar. It just fit with his character, people would say, neither knowing nor caring if said character was only a mask.

No one would have believed it if someone told them that Lovino Vargas was really a serious workaholic, who practically lived in his office at work, and who worked overtime more often than not. And if he wasn't at work, he could usually be found in his study at home, a place where no one was allowed inside except Feliciano.

To the otherwise emotionally stressed-out Italian, there was a certain relaxation and sense of normalcy in the endless amounts of paper work, deadlines, phone calls, faxing and all the other stuff he did, about a thousand times a day. It wasn't a job he would have imagined settling with, and he wasn't even sure he liked the work in itself. In fact, when he was just a kid, he had entertained the idea of one day owning a small farm of his own, with a vegetable garden and some animals, simply enjoying the varying and challenging outdoor-work. That old dream seemed to have been killed at one point, just like any other dreams he might have had.

Ever since their grandfather, whom they had lived with after their parents died, passed away some years ago, it had been up to Lovino, as the eldest, to take care of his brother. He'd changed jobs several times, but had finally got a foot inside this stiff business-place, working under a boss who made an effort to notice and respect his workers, but otherwise didn't really have much direct contact with any of them. Lovino had been acknowledged for his hard work, and thus had been having more to do with the boss than most workers, by being promoted and moving upwards in the company. It definitely meant more work, but that suited him just fine, and it gave quite a decent income as well.

All in all, it was exactly the thing he needed to escape from his inner turmoil and distract his thoughts from the issues he had with the world and people in general. He had made a point of separating his work from his next-to-pathetic social life ever since he started working here. And so, no one that "knew" him from personal settings was aware that he worked here at this place. Likewise, no one that he worked with here, knew anything about his personal life. It was perfect.

The fact that he had his own office and could bury himself in work without being constantly interrupted was a welcome relief, and even though his efforts at work took its toll on his health, he relied on it to get by without going crazy.

Yawning widely, he stretched his arms into the air, body tense after writing non-stop on an article for hours. Glancing at the clock on the computer, he realized that it was way past his work time. One of the quirks of having his own office was that he didn't notice when others began leaving for home, to make dinner for their family, go out with friends, or whatever they did with their spare time.

Breathing out a small sigh, he leaned back in his chair, absentmindedly observing the way the late afternoon sun cast a warm hue on the neighbouring buildings that he could see from his window. Standing from his chair, he winced at his complaining muscles, but paid it little mind as he finished up for the day. Shrugging on his jacket and grabbing his bag, he left the office silently, locking up as he was the last to leave – as usual.

Getting out on the calm street, he didn't feel like going home right away, instead opting to walk around for a bit. The late August air was rather warm, but there was a chill in the air that reminded him that autumn was creeping closer, bringing along longer nights, colder weather and annoying bouts of depression. He despised the darker half of the year.

There weren't a lot of people outside, and he soon realized why as droplets of rain began to make their way from the suddenly cloudy skies. Either those clouds appeared very quickly, or he'd been walking around, lost in his thoughts, for longer than he'd thought. Growling quietly as the rain picked up strength, to become a violent shower, he quickened his pace, taking shelter in the first open store that appeared.

He could feel his hair sticking uncomfortably to the skin on his face, thoroughly soaked just from the few moments before he could escape into what turned out to be a flower shop. The result was that some strands began to curl slightly. Great, just great. Usually, he managed to control the way his hair would curl in random directions, the only exception being one persistent curl that just refused to stay put. He could have glued the damn thing to his scalp, and it would still find a way to pop up and ruin his efforts.

"Wow, last time I checked it was just a bit cloudy, and now it's raining dogs and cats out there!" The energetic voice startled him, and he jumped a little, nearly knocking over a large glass bin of sunflowers. Scrambling to steady it, he turned and glared – unintentionally – at the owner of the voice.

The man blinked, a strange expression crossing his eyes for a fleeting moment, vanishing as his face lit up into a bright smile. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

"You didn't scare me, just... surprised me." Lovino automatically growled, glaring at the sunflowers too, as soon as he finally managed to steady them again. He couldn't quite decide which was more blinding – the sunflowers or the man's smile.

"Right. Sorry anyway."

Lovino didn't reply, making a point of facing away from the guy, waiting impatiently for the rain to stop, while feeling terribly self-conscious. Small talk and casual meetings with people had never been his thing. The few times he'd made attempts at it, it always seemed to turn into a disaster. If possible, he kept people at a distance. It was safer that way; less chance of them finding out what a walking nightmare he really was.

The silence was getting more awkward by the second, but the rain made no sign of stopping anytime soon. Somehow, it felt as if the weather was doing this on purpose, just to make him as uncomfortable as he could possibly get. Shifting his weight from one leg to the other, he let out a nervous sigh. Was the Spaniard – judging by his accent – still standing there behind the counter, looking at him...? No, he didn't want to turn around to find out.

A towel suddenly landed on his head, and he gave a small yelp of surprise, whirling around. This time he was unable to steady the sunflowers, as the bin fell over, crashing to the floor.

"Fuck!" he wasn't sure whether he was cursing at the stupid flower bin or the Spaniard who was now apologizing profusely for startling him yet again. Bending down, he began gathering the flowers, before he really had the chance to think about what he was doing.

"Ah, it's ok, don't worry about it!" the man said, also crouching down to help him pick up the flowers. Lovino caught sight of the man's hands, noticing that he had a worker's hands, calloused and rough, yet gentle as they gathered up the plants on the floor. As it turned out, getting distracted from the task at hand was a bad idea, and he hissed as one of the larger glass shards cut a solid line across the side of his hand. Immediately, blood was dripping down his fingers and onto the flower stems.

He stared at the steady trail of red escaping down his pale skin, and the tingling sensation it provoked. Barely aware that his hands began quivering, he gave a small moan as he grew dizzy, not because the cut was deep but because blood was something that really didn't sit well with him. The red liquid just reminded him too much of their parents' death. Feliciano had been too young at the time to remember, but Lovino could still picture their broken, bloody bodies as clearly as if the image was glued to his eyelids. One crushed in the driver's seat, and one on the road, covered in pieces of glass...

"Oh, Thank God you finally woke up!"

He blinked, realizing after a moment of confusion that he was looking up into a pair of startling green eyes, practically shimmering with worry as they looked down at him. Wait... down at him? With a start, he realized he was lying on a couch, his hand already bandaged up. So he had passed out?

Groaning, he let his eyes slip shut again, embarrassment making blood flow into his face, and heating up his cheeks. Unfortunately, the already concerned florist seemed to mistake the groan for one of pain or discomfort.

"A-are you feeling ok? Does it hurt? Do you need to go to the hospital? I can-"

"Shut up, will you? I'm fucking fine!" Sitting up quickly, to prove his point, he pushed back the dizzy spell that overwhelmed him for a moment. The stranger's intense gaze only served to make him feel nervous, and he began looking around the room as a way to keep his own eyes from locking in an angry glare at his own shoes. He quickly concluded that they were in the back room of the shop, which seemed to double as a work shop, with half-made flower bouquets and various tools lining all the benches and tables in sight except for the small coffee table next to the couch. Instead of flowers, this table held a tray of biscuits, a half-empty cup of coffee and a bunch of blank flower cards – for some reason or the other.

"Oh, that's good," the Spaniard's analyzing look relaxed into a smile as he heaved a relieved sigh. "God, you had me scared when you went all white and just collapsed like that. I thought you were dying from blood loss or something!"

Lovino's attitude faltered for a moment at this, his expression slipping into one of mild surprise before he could help it. Most people tended to dislike him from the very first moment he opened his mouth to speak – which wasn't all that hard to understand, seeing as his first words tended to be either an offensive grunt or a string of profanities. But this guy didn't seem to care that Lovino had just snapped and cursed at him, even when it was obvious he'd taken good care of him while he was unconscious. It was quite unnerving, really.

"I'll pay for the flower bin." Letting his usual cold mask fall back in place, Lovino stood from the couch, marching briskly out into the store again without meeting the other's eyes.

"Ah, don't worry about that," the man began, but Lovino had already fished out his wallet, glaring at him and daring him to protest any further. The glare faltered slightly as he really got a look at the other for the first time. Even when dressed in an apron, he was by no means unattractive, with sun-tanned skin and brown, wavy hair. Somehow, though, Lovino thought that this guy would have come across as attractive even if his face hadn't been as handsome as it was, due to his open and warm expression. He couldn't help but feel a slight hint of envy at the easy smile that seemed to play in those forest-coloured eyes. This fellow made smiling look so easy...

"How much?" He quickly looked away with a frown, irritated at his own thoughts.

"Buy a flower instead!"

This caught him by surprise, and he blinked, raising an eyebrow as he looked back up at the guy. Was he being serious? There was no trace of joke in his expression, so apparently he was. Giving an annoyed huff, Lovino grabbed a random flower from another bin, wishing that he could just pay for the damn thing and be on his way. It wasn't until the flower rested innocently on the counter that he noticed that it was a rose. A deep red rose. Great. An embarrassed blush touched his cheeks again, but he ignored it, putting on an indifferent expression as the Spaniard smiled, wrapping it up before telling him the price.

He paid as quickly as he could, grabbing the stupid flower before marching towards the entrance of the store. Thankfully, the rain had come to a halt, and he wouldn't have to get soaked again. Not that it really mattered; he was eager enough to leave by now that he would have gone even if there was a tornado sweeping by outside.

"Wait... What's your name?" the question made him pause by the door, but he didn't turn around. Opening his mouth to reply, he caught himself just in time.

"I'm sorry for the inconvenience," he instead bit out, leaving before the man could say anything else. As the door shut behind him, a pained expression touched his face. It was best this way, keeping everyone else at a distance. Yes, it was for the best. He repeated this to himself, as he caught a taxi back to his and Feliciano's house, ignoring the annoying loneliness, which rested as a painful lump deep in his throat.

oOo

"_Fratello_! What happened to your hand?" Feliciano was at his side almost the moment he shut the door behind him, flinging himself around Lovino's neck, in typical Feliciano-fashion. The cheerful young man had always had an above-average craving for physical and emotional contact, something Lovino would probably never be able to relate to. Feliciano, however, seemed to assume that anyone and everyone would enjoy physical contact as much as he did – a trait that could lead to some awkward situations at times.

"Nothing. Just a minor cut," Lovino grumbled mildly, uncomfortable under the other's honey-coloured, concerned gaze. The cut really wasn't that big a deal, but getting unnecessarily worried about those he cared about was yet another of his brother's many quirks and character traits.

The younger Italian relaxed his worried posture, and smiled brightly. "I made dinner a while ago, I'll warm it up for you!"

"I can do it mys-"

"No, your clothes are soaked through, let me do it while you change! I don't want you catching a cold." And with those words, he ran off to the kitchen before Lovino could voice any further complaint, and he merely sighed softly, heading upstairs to his room. He really _was_ soaked. The rain had picked up again by the time the taxi arrived, and just the short run up the walkway through the garden was enough to make his clothes and hair drip once again.

Shrugging of the wet clothing, he found some more casual everyday wear to put on. Stopping by the bathroom, he found a towel, drying his hair hurriedly before frowning at himself in the mirror. It was now curling and falling messily into his face. Oh well, whatever.

"Stupid curls..." he grumbled as he moved to head back down to enjoy a warm meal. He'd reached the staircase when he suddenly remembered the rose. He was tempted to just let it rot where he'd discarded it on his bed-side table, but as it turned out he didn't have the heart to do it. The flower had done nothing wrong after all, even if it wasn't something he'd wanted to buy. Fetching a vase and removing the plastic flower already inhabiting it, he filled it with water from the bathroom sink and put the rose in it before placing it back on the table. It looked better than the dusty plastic flower anyway, so at least it wasn't a complete waste of money.

Taking the wrapping to toss it away, he blinked as a small flower card fell out onto the bed. It was the same type as the ones that had littered the coffee table back at the store. Picking it up, out of curiosity, he stared at it as if it was something foreign. A simple phone number, scrawled in a hurry, but still in a fairly neat handwriting, adorned the note. Along with a few words, which made his heart abruptly jump into his throat.

_I'd like to see you again._

-_Antonio_

Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Lovino couldn't think, couldn't react in any other way than stand there numbly, staring at the note with wide, fearful eyes. Feliciano eventually broke the trance by calling his name, and he snapped out of it, swallowing the lump of conflicting emotions in his throat and glaring at the note as if it had done him personal harm.

Why? Why would that cheerful florist want to see him again? They had hardly spoken! He hadn't even told the guy his name, for crying out loud, and he wanted to _see him again_. It defied any and all logic... and it scared Lovino senseless. Crumpling the card in his shaking palm, he dropped it on the bed, whirling around and heading downstairs, trying his best to act indifferent. Trying his best to act as if the tiny note hadn't washed up an old sense of panic-like suspicion that he'd managed to bury in the back of his consciousness for quite some time now.

It didn't seem to work much, and after Feliciano asked him for the hundredth time if he was all right, and he answered with an unintentionally angry grunt – whilst stabbing forcefully at his spaghetti with the fork –, he was thankfully left in peace.

Damn that fucking Spanish florist, coming in and disturbing his world with that goofy smile and that pleasant personality of his. If the guy had known what was best for them both, he would have just let Lovino pay for the damn vase and leave.

Anger rapidly began fading to depression, as he poked at his food. This unsettling feeling was far from unfamiliar to him, but that didn't make it any easier to cope with. Before he knew it, he'd gone from cursing the florist, to cursing himself. And as soon as he did that, he threw the food away, put the dishes in the sink and marched upstairs to push the thoughts away in one of the only ways he knew how; work until he grew tired enough to fall asleep.

Alas, he went without sleeping that night...

For three days, he kept up this routine of working ridiculously long days, heading home just to eat a quick meal and lock himself up in his study again. It was beginning to show, and each time he happened to catch his reflection in a mirror, he almost startled himself. More than one of his co-workers had questioned his well-being, and at home Feliciano was constantly nagging at him. It made him feel bad.

Still, the guilt couldn't quite replace the rock that seemed to have settled in his chest ever since he read that card. He wished he could understand why this stupid thing unsettled him so damn much. Perhaps he was just more emotionally unstable than he had first thought. Of course, he could just throw the card away, and should be able to forget about the whole thing. But no, it had to torment him from its whereabouts on his bedside table, as if it was cursed or something. No matter how hard he tried to throw it away, he just ended up standing there, unable to let go of it, for some reason.

It was on the fourth day, after sitting and staring at the crumpled card for at least an hour, that he decided to do something about it. Picking it up in one furious motion, he fished out his cell phone and dialled the number with a trembling finger. Pushing the call button, his heart jumped up to lodge itself in his throat.

There was no reason to be nervous, he murmured at himself. He was just going to call the guy, tell him to stay away, and-

"_Hola_!"

_Shit_...! His voice couldn't get past the lump in his throat, and he felt frozen. Even on the phone, you could practically feel the guy's cheerful spirit. It made him incredibly anxious, and all the words that he had carefully planned out seemed to fade into nothing.

"Hello...?"

"Hi."

Great going. _Hi_? What the hell was that? He could have kicked himself if the other didn't speak again before he had the chance to.

"Um... it's you, right? The guy from the flower shop the other day?" Why the hell did he sound so happy upon recognizing his voice? No, scratch that, why did he even recognize it in the first place? He'd hardly spoken when he was there!

"Yeah. It's me."

"Great! Uh, I mean... I was worried you didn't find the card!"

"Well, obviously I did."

"I'm happy you called!" Lovino blinked, not knowing how to respond to that. Thankfully, the other didn't wait for a response before continuing. "I wasn't sure if I went a bit too far by sending that card with the flower, I mean... you probably found it stupid, huh? I do the most ridiculous things at times!" He laughed, and Lovino couldn't help but find it a pleasant sound, and sort of- No, it definitely was _not_ cute! It was deep and manly and... fucking adorable. Seriously, how could a man sound that sweet and innocent? It was unnatural.

"So, yeah, I was just wondering if you'd... want to go see a movie or something?"

Lovino spluttered, cut off from his disturbing thoughts by that sentence. "W-why would I want to go to a movie, you bastard? I don't know you, you certainly don't know me, and... God, I don't even know why I called you in the first place..."

There was a silence, and then the laughter sounded again. "You're right, we don't know each other."

"Stop laughing at me, you jerk!"

"Sorry, sorry, you just sounded so cute!"

"And don't call me cute, I'm not cute! Why the hell are we even having this conversation!" his voice had started rising an octave, just like it did whenever he was flustered or angry. Or both.

"Because I gave you that note?"

"It was a fucking rhetorical question!"

"Okay, if you say so."

A silence fell over them, and Lovino was now stomping himself on the toe with the heel of his other foot, trying desperately to calm down so he wouldn't make an even bigger fool out of himself than he already had.

"So... what do you say?" Antonio – officially dubbed 'bastard', or 'damn Spaniard' in Lovino's mind – asked again after a while, catching him off guard. It seemed this guy did that a lot; Lovino was completely unable to predict his next words or actions at all. Thus, he was left looking pretty much like a question mark, something that was evident in his pathetic response.

"Huh?"

"Do you want to see me again? If you don't want to, that's ok, though... You probably think it would be stupid or something, having barely met me and–"

Ok, now was the time. He just had to say the words he had planned so carefully and putting an end to all his stupid worries. Yeah, he could do that! Deep breath, now...

"Sure..."

"Really?"

Oh God, had he just _agreed_ to it? Gritting his teeth together, he cleared his throat. "Just because you sounded like you were going to cry or something. It's not like I care either way!"

"That's great!" Ok, there had to be something wrong with that guy. He seemed to be deaf to the fact that Lovino was constantly either cursing at him or offending him in some way or the other. Honestly, Lovino wasn't sure whether he should be relieved or suspicious. "So... are you free tomorrow? I haven't really lived here very long, but I do know where the cinema is. Does seven o'clock sound good to you?"

"S-sure..."

Just what the hell was he getting himself into? That was the one thought that rang through his mind over and over. Was this like... a date? No, it was just two guys meeting. Wasn't it? The only problem was that, no matter how he twisted and turned the facts, this certainly sounded a fucking lot like a date to him.

"Great! Oh, jeez, listen to me – here we've been talking for a long time, and I haven't introduced myself properly... I'm Antonio Fernandez Carriedo! May I know your name, Mr. Mystery man?"

Lovino swallowed, lips moving for a moment without a sound until he managed to utter his own name. "Lovino. Lovino Vargas." There. Now, there was no turning back.

"I'm really looking forward to meeting you again, Lovino!" he could practically hear the smile in Antonio's voice, as they said good bye and hung up.

Putting the phone calmly down on the bed side table next to the rose – which had started to look a bit miserable; tilting heavily to the right, and starting to lose its petals –, he took a deep breath. Grabbing the nearest pillow, he forcefully held it against his now suspiciously warm face, so that it would muffle the frustrated cry he let out before falling back on the bed, pillow still covering his face.

"You, Lovino Vargas, are an idiot..." he groaned to himself. "A really, really big one..."

oOo

_Thank you for reading! If you could give me some feedback telling me what you think so far, that would be awesome, and would also motivate me to post more~ ^^ If I get some good reviews, I'm hoping to post a new chapter every week! _

_Fratello – Brother (Italian)_

_Hola – Hello (Spanish)_


	3. Chapter 2

_A huge thanks to everyone who's taken the time to review so far! It really warms my heart! ^^ Here's a new chapter for you all, I hope you'll enjoy it!_

oOo

"Antonio, are you all right in there...?"

The knock on the door disturbed Antonio from his victory dance across the apartment living room. Coming to a halt, he found it somewhat hard to stand still. Of course he was all right, more than all right as a matter of fact. He couldn't quite explain it, but his heart was thundering like a herd of runaway cattle. And as his heart rate was quicker than normal, his body desperately wanted to keep up; thus he'd spontaneously started leaping around the floor. Whether it actually looked like a dance or not was a different matter, but this was unimportant at the moment.

When the lithe-built Italian with those stunning golden eyes had appeared in the small flower store he worked at – rain water making his auburn hair curl in the most adorable way – he had hardly believed it to be true. He hadn't expected to run into the man again after coming across him that day by the sea. Of course, now that he thought about it, the chance of running into the man again sooner or later had definitely been there, as the town wasn't all that big. The thought just hadn't crossed his mind, and he'd begun thinking he wouldn't ever get the chance to talk to the guy.

It was a very pleasant surprise, and Antonio wasn't the type to let a chance like that slip away from under his grip. He had wondered what to say, and just let the first words that popped up in his head slip out. Of course, he hadn't meant to startle the guy, and after the guy had calmed down slightly, sending him a vicious glare, he hadn't quite known what to say. Instead, he had tried to ignore the way the stranger's hair dripped with water for a while. When the rain made no sign of stopping, however, he hadn't wanted the guy to catch a cold just because he had to stand around, wet and shivering...

Again, he hadn't meant to scare the guy, the towel was just an attempt at being considerate. Man, did he fail at that... As a result, the poor guy managed to crash that flower bin. Antonio still remembered the expression in his eyes when he bent down to clean it up, and it had sent a shiver down his spine. It was like he was beating himself up over it, at the same time as he looked afraid. Afraid of what, Antonio didn't know, but something told him the fear went deeper than the common 'shit, I wonder how much this'll cost me'-fear.

When he'd cut himself, his face had paled to such a frightening shade of white so rapidly, that Antonio had thought for a horrifying moment that the other was dying or something. The next moment, he'd collapsed sideward, out cold. Antonio had panicked at first, but after calming down, he could see that the other wasn't bleeding out like he first thought. Sure, it had been a pretty deep cut, but not at all threatening, neither to his life nor his health. He'd wondered for a moment if the guy was anaemic or something – considering that he _was_ awfully pale even before he cut himself, but at least it had looked like he grew steadily better. Thus, he'd concluded that an ambulance wouldn't be necessary, and had instead carried him into the back room where he put him down on the couch.

He had looked so fragile when he was unconscious, and it almost made the worried Spaniard think that he'd imagined the glares he'd received earlier. Fetching the towel, he'd dried off the man's hair before leaving for a moment to clean up the broken vase, in case a customer came into the store.

Actually, the short period of time that the guy was out cold on the couch had given Antonio plenty of time to think of a plan, though he felt a bit guilty for thinking of it as a partially good thing that the other had passed out. But the cards on the coffee table was just so damn tempting, and in the end he'd taken the opportunity to write down his number and a message on one of them, reading it over at least a hundred times and wondering if he was crossing the line.

It was just a stroke of luck that he managed to convince the man to buy a flower when he woke up – which turned out to be a rose, though highly unintentionally, judging by his reaction. Not letting the opportunity go, he anxiously snuck the card into the wrapping.

He honestly hadn't even been sure that the guy would even find the little card, and had even bigger doubts that he would bother to call him. Even so, Antonio had kept the phone with him at all times, carrying it in his pocket wherever he went; even to the bathroom – not that he would mention that particular part to anyone.

And then, as if faith really had meant for them to meet, after several days of worrying about whether or not he'd ever see the man again, he _had_ called. Nothing short of a miracle in Antonio's mind.

As horribly nervous as he had been at the time, he'd blabbered on non-stop, and was a bit concerned that he'd scare the other away. It wasn't that he was as goofy and stupid as he sounded. Well, okay, just a little... But whenever he got nervous or excited, his mouth tended to work ten times quicker than his brain. Of course this made his brain seem a bit slow in comparison, and he knew he sometimes came across as stupid because of this particular trait. Not that he cared very much about that.

Still, no matter how strange the conversation had been, and no matter how many times the other had uttered some sort of offending statement or grumbled profanities under his breath, something or the other must have gone right.

After all; They were going out.

_Dios Mio_, they were going out!

"Antonio?"

"I'm great, Francis! Just great!" he called, pretty much skipping over to the door and swinging it open while grinning at his neighbour. The blonde Frenchman blinked in surprise, before smiling knowingly.

"Ooh, I know that expression. He finally called you, didn't he?"

"Is it that obvious?" Antonio grinned. Francis simply chuckled at this, as Antonio stepped aside to let the other inside. Even though he hadn't lived there for long, the eccentric Frenchman and he had become friends just about immediately after meeting quite randomly in the hallway and quickly elapsing into a conversation, as if they'd known each other for years. Despite the fact that the man was incredibly perverted and at times overly dramatic, he was generally a good person who cared about his friends. That much was obvious to anyone who bothered getting to know him, even if those who didn't know him might take him for a weirdo and an uncaring idiot. He was Antonio's first close friend since moving to America, and he was very grateful for their friendship. Moving to a new place was always difficult, but having someone to talk to helped a lot.

"So, what did he say?" Francis asked as they sat down in the living room. "Are you going for a date? Or perhaps you rented a hotel room already?" he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, making Antonio blush ever so slightly before shaking his head.

"No, it's not like that. We're just going out for a movie," he smiled. It wasn't officially a date, was it? No, Lovino probably didn't think of it like that. He'd sounded rather reluctant to the whole thing, after all. Well, he'd sounded like he had wanted nothing more than to yell at Antonio to leave him alone, and then hanging up, actually... Oh well, he had agreed to it, and that was what counted.

Francis motioned curiously for more details. "So? Did you guys get it on?"

"Well... he was pretty much swearing at me most of the time, and when he wasn't, he was grumbling something or the other... or coming with a sarcastic remark." Antonio was still grinning like a fool.

"I... see..." Francis had one eyebrow raised in question, and Antonio couldn't say he blamed him for being sceptical.

"Don't look at me like that. I just know he's a good guy!"

"Underneath that thick layer of foul language and bad attitude?"

"Sí!"

Francis sighed, giving a smile that suggested he could somewhat understand what Antonio was going through."Well, I guess I know the type," he murmured. "I just hope you know what you're getting yourself into. Those kinds of people aren't the easiest to get close to."

"I don't care."

"I know you don't. I can see it in your love-struck expression. You have fallen badly for this little Italian, mon ami." He laughed as Antonio blushed harder, looking sheepishly at his feet.

Who was he to deny it? It was true. Despite all logic, he _had_ fallen badly for this stranger named Lovino Vargas. Very badly indeed.

oOo

Antonio wasn't normally a vain guy. As a matter of fact, he hardly ever considered the way he looked, and didn't much care for appearances. He just couldn't understand all those who spent hours and hours trying to look good. Yet, today he had been the one to worry about how he looked, checking himself in the mirror at least a hundred times before leaving his apartment.

It wasn't like he had dressed particularly fancily, but he didn't wear his most sloppy clothes either. He'd shaved, and had even taken the time to brush his unruly masses of thick curls. Not that it helped much, it was still looking quite a lot like a bird's nest, but at least it put his mind a little at ease.

And now here he was; sitting on a bench close to the cinema and enjoying the warming rays of the sun. The area was strangely quiet and peaceful, as if taken out of a romantic movie or something. Suiting the mood perfectly, pigeons strolled across the pavement next to him, possibly hoping for him to toss them some bread or something. Their gentle cooing calmed him down slightly, although he still glanced at his watch every tenth second or so. He'd arrived too early, in fear of being too late.

The waiting was unsettling, though. Despite the fact that he knew he was early, he couldn't shake the annoying voice in the far back of his head, which tried to convince him that Lovino might not show up at all. This fear only grew stronger as the clock ticked ever so slowly towards seven...

And then suddenly he was there, standing a bit ahead and looking around. As on cue, Antonio's feet turned into jelly or something equally unstable, and he practically had to force himself off the bench into standing position, hoping his legs would carry him at all. Their eyes met, and he lifted a hand, waving. The Italian quickly looked down, but came over, hands buried deep in the pockets of his jeans. He stopped a bit away, and Antonio's concern that he might have some kind of illness grew larger as he now could see the pale shade of his face, and the dark circles resting under his eyes. Deciding that no one would enjoy being told that they looked downright sick, he didn't comment on it, however. The other was obviously self-conscious enough as it was.

"Hey!" he smiled instead.

"Hello," came the quiet, murmured reply.

"I'm really happy you wanted to come!" And he truly was happy, it wasn't just something he said. Why it gave him such joy to be out here with this man he'd barely met, he couldn't be sure, nor did he particularly care about analyzing his own emotions to find out. Lovino glanced at him, before shyly looking away again, a strange expression touching his face for a moment before being covered up by the usual scowl.

"Whatever..."

Antonio only smiled at this response. "What kind of movie do you want to see?" he questioned as they headed for the cinema building, which had definitely seen better days, looking quite old and worn. It seemed a bit misplaced in between the surrounding buildings, just as a worn and tattered arm chair would look if placed in the middle of a modernistic living room.

"I don't really care."

Antonio was about to state that he must have some preferences as to what movie he wanted to see, but as it turned out, they didn't have much of a choice. The doors were closed, the windows dark, and a sign that had been hung up clearly stated that the cinema was 'closed'. The two stopped in front of it, blinking at the sign as a tense silence fell over them. It lasted only a moment before the Spaniard felt like hitting himself.

"Oh no! I'm such an idiot, I should have checked that it would be open!" he groaned, and his mood was only worsened when he realized that Lovino wasn't entirely pleased with this outcome. Here he'd thought he had planned everything, but the thought that it might be closed hadn't occurred to him at all!

"It's always open. You couldn't have known," Lovino grumbled, burying his hands even further down the pockets as he glared at the sign. Another awkward silence fell between them as they stood there, until Antonio broke it, grinning brightly in an attempt to lighten the mood. There wasn't much use in standing around here, being all gloomy. He wanted their first official meeting to be something good, after all.

"Let's just walk around a bit? It's a really nice day, and I'm sure there's something else to do around this place!" Afraid Lovino might protest, he took hold of his hand before he could open his mouth to speak, and led him down the street.

"H-hey...!" the other gasped, but didn't pull his hand out of Antonio's grip. Antonio wasn't sure if he should take that as a sign of trust, or not, but he glanced back and smiled a bit more calmly. Lovino's cheeks had a red tint now, and combined with the pout on his face, it made him look really cute. Somehow, the Spaniard felt an urge to give him a hug. He had a feeling a move like that would earn him nothing but a knee to the balls, though. Besides, he didn't want to scare the other already five minutes into their meeting.

They soon fell into step beside each other, and Antonio reluctantly let go of the other's hand, as he could tell that it was making the shorter man uncomfortable. Their walk down the street was silent and tense. Antonio was feeling guilty and in serious need for something that could make up for his blunder, while Lovino looked like he'd rather just go home and forget about the whole thing.

It might be because of this that he grabbed the first chance he got to change the cards. Grinning as an opportunity appeared, he once again grabbed Lovino's hand, startling the other a bit as he pulled him over to a park.

"W-what are you–?"

"Let's go over there, Lovino!" The Italian fell silent, following the finger Antonio used to point with. As soon as he spotted the target, his eyes widened ever so slightly.

"You have got to be kidding me..."

But no, Antonio was completely serious, as he led them over to the spot, where lots of children were seated on the grass, giggling and laughing at the puppet show being held at a stand. Putting a finger to his lip, he hushed the other, sitting down in the grass behind the children, who glanced at them curiously for a moment before turning back to the show. Pulling Lovino down beside him, he chuckled nervously at the glare directed at him.

"It might be fun, Lovi!" he whispered pleadingly, the new nickname floating over his lips easily, and clearly stunning the other out of his attempt to complain. Instead, Lovino settled with an annoyed huff, before crossing his arms and turning his attention to the puppet theatre.

Having arrived in the middle of the show, neither of the two could really tell what kind of play it was supposed to be. A strange mix of "the little red riding hood" and some oriental fairy tale, perhaps? One thing was for sure, though...

It was fucking hilarious!

Honestly, Antonio had troubles stopping himself from laughing louder than the children in front of them, but was failing miserably. At this, some of the children turned to look at them in wonder, before giggling even louder due to his contagious fits of bubbling chuckles.

Not only did he have a great time; he had also taken notice of the fact that, to his great joy, he wasn't the only one enjoying himself. At times, small giggles would escape Lovino's lips, no matter how hard he tried to stop them from emerging. It was the most beautiful sound Antonio had heard from the other man – except for his singing.

Perhaps it wasn't such a bad thing that the cinema had happened to be close after all. Who would have thought that going to a children's puppet theatre show would have made for such a magical experience? Antonio sure as hell wouldn't have thought it to be this much of a success. The fact that it_ had_ been a success made him incredibly happy.

Of course, all good things would eventually come to an end. Much too soon, the show was over, and the children left with their parents to go home. Some of them pointed eagerly at Antonio and Lovino, and they heard some of them talk about "that weird man who laughed harder than everyone". He might have been slightly embarrassed at this, had he not found it extremely funny. They remained sitting for a while longer while the children left, watching as the puppeteers began gathering their stuff and eventually left the area.

The late summer evening air was slightly chilly, but still pleasant, a breath of air washing across the park. Antonio suddenly found himself lost in the way the wind ruffled his companion's hair, and the way those eyes looked more unguarded than he'd seen them so far, even if the Italian was clearly trying to keep his facial expression neutral. Abruptly, Antonio felt nervous again, ears and cheeks growing warmer as he cleared his throat, looking away.

"See, I told you it might be fun," he said quietly, giving a slightly shy grin.

"Tch, it wasn't... too bad."

A new silence fell upon them where they sat on the cool grass, and while it wasn't entirely uncomfortable or awkward, there was still a hint of something that Antonio couldn't quite put his finger on. After a while, he opened his mouth to say something; anything to break the silence, but Lovino beat him to it.

"Say... Why were you so insistent on seeing me again?"

His voice was quiet, barely a whisper, and he had his head turned away, so that Antonio couldn't see his expression from behind the curtain of auburn hair. The question was simple, yet the Spaniard couldn't for the life of him come up with a simple answer. Why _had_ he wanted to see Lovino again? They had barely talked, and it wasn't like the other seemed to return his feelings at any rate...

Eventually, he gave a soft smile. "Why wouldn't I be?" he settled with, noticing how the other's body posture had tensed, knees raised to his chest in a sudden moment of insecurity.

"Don't evade the question."

"I'm not! Lovino, it's just... I don't know," he admitted, chewing on his bottom lip as he considered it. Leaning back on his hands, he looked up at the darkening evening sky, slightly illuminated by the city lights. "I just felt that I..." _wanted to make you happy_... the last part, added in his own mind surprised even himself. Was that the reason? Did he invite him out just because he'd seen the lonely, sorrowful expression in his eyes back that time by the sea?

"Don't bother. Sorry for bombarding you with questions all of the sudden..." Lovino stood, and turned towards him. His expression was unreadable, set in the usual bored, neutral half-frown. His eyes told a different story, though.

Antonio followed suit, noticing for the first time that he was about a head taller than the other, and more broad-shouldered. Perhaps he only noticed it now due to the fact that Lovino suddenly seemed very fragile and breakable where he stood. Almost like the flower bin from the store – wobbling and unsteady...

"Do you regret coming with me?" Antonio asked quietly, a smile on his face, even if his voice sounded uncharacteristically serious. Lovino's cheeks turned slightly red as he looked away abruptly.

"I guess not..."

"Then, would you want to go out again sometime?"

This time, their eyes met, Lovino's golden ones widening with surprise as his mask fell off momentarily. Somehow, his expression when he wasn't on-guard made him look both older and younger at the same time, if that was even possible.

"G-go out... you make it sound like..."

"A date," Antonio confirmed, ignoring the tiny voice in his head screaming that it was too soon, damn it, he was going to scare the other away! "Would you?"

Lovino looked somewhat like a fish caught on land, lips parting and closing, and parting again as he apparently tried to come up with a reply. For a moment, he looked like he was going to agree, but suddenly the spell was broken, and a haunted expression crossed his eyes and the shock turned into anger.

"N-no way! Don't get too full of yourself, bastard! You don't know me, and you better stay away!" With those harsh words, Lovino Vargas turned on his heel, and walked briskly away, leaving Antonio behind.

Logically, he should have felt stumped, offended, or any other emotions that would normally follow being violently pushed away and refused like that. Yet, defying this logic, all he could feel was the deep pain and sorrow emitting from the Italian man, watching as he pulled his arms subconsciously around himself while walking away, almost as if he was cold...

oOo

_Please leave a review telling me what you thought of it~!_

_Dios Mio: My God (Spanish)_

_Sí: Yes (Spanish)_

_Mon ami: My friend (French)_


	4. Chapter 3

_Thanks to everyone who is reading my story! And to everyone who's taken the time to review! Here's a new chapter for you.  
><em>

oOo

For the first time in a long time, Lovino had serious trouble focusing on his work. No matter what happened, it somehow brought his train of thoughts back to Antonio and the evening that ended in disaster. He kept working through various ways he could have made it a great evening, period, but no matter how many ideas played through his mind, he always came back to the same conclusion.

Antonio had asked him out, and he had acted like a total bastard and ruined everything. Big time.

"Whoa, dude, I think those papers are dead already...!" He blinked out of his frustrating thoughts, realizing he'd crumpled the papers he just printed out, leaving the document to look like some sort of misshaped piece of origami-art. A groan escaped his lips as he turned on his heel to go and shred the miserable remains, and print out a new copy.

Alfred, the cheerful American who'd alerted him of the paperwork-massacre, fell into step beside him and gave a lopsided smile, which looked slightly nervous. Not so strange, perhaps, judging by the fact that Lovino probably looked like he was about to explode. Which, in truth, was exactly how he felt.

"You ok, buddy? You look a bit..."

"Grumpy? Annoyed? Frustrated?"

"I was going to say 'Just about ready to bite someone's head off', but sure, those work too..."

Lovino glared at him, but Alfred never was one to care about such trivial expressions. It wasn't like he was unfamiliar with being on the receiving end of glares and sharp comments. He gave a small smile, but his startling-blue eyes still held a somewhat concerned expression, behind a pair of square, thin-framed glasses.

"I'm fine, Jones," Lovino sighed, quickening his pace a bit, in the hopes that his colleague would take a hint and go do whatever he was supposed to be doing. The chance of that happening was pretty much non-existent, and the annoyed Italian was well aware of the fact.

"You sure? I've never seen you as distracted as you are today... It's creeping me out a bit."

"Yes, I'm sure! Just... leave me alone, Alfred..." the last part was uttered in a more quiet tone. Alfred gasped in mock horror, giving an exaggerated expression of great fear.

"You just called me by first-name! Seriously, you must be really sick! You got a fever there?" a hand was practically slapped against Lovino's forehead, earning the American a sharp growl.

"If you don't step away from me, I swear I'm putting _you_ into the shredding machine after I'm done with these papers!"

Alfred simply chuckled, though he stepped out of reach quickly, seemingly convinced by this reaction that Lovino was still the Lovino he was used to.

"Try not to kill the new print too, huh?" With those words, and a playful wink, he was gone, leaving Lovino to grumble quiet profanities that made nearby workers step a bit further out of his path.

He felt a bit bad for it. His bad mood wasn't the fault of anyone or anything but his own stupidity, and he shouldn't let it affect his effort at work. If only he wasn't such a big idiot. If only he'd dealt with the situation last night in a better way... If only he had the courage to at least apologize to the Spaniard.

In all honesty, the sudden question of going on a date with him, though it had shocked him at the time, wasn't all that unappealing. That's what scared him the most of all. He didn't want to get close to the other. He didn't want to get close to anyone.

By all means, he was perfectly fine on his own, damn it. So what if every kind of human relationship he tried ended in disaster, his own company was all he needed, and all he ever had and would need. End of story.

Somehow, though, these 'reassuring' thoughts did nothing for his mood. The anger that had been so strong just moments ago was rapidly being replaced by depression, and by the time he reached the shredder, he just wanted to run himself through it and throw himself in the trash, so that no one would ever remember that there once was a Lovino Vargas working at the office... 

The depression did not leave as he finished off his work day, about two hours after most of the others. Nor did it leave as he trudged through the light rain shower, up to the house, stepping inside as silently as he could, in the hopes of not making a big deal out of his arrival. At the moment, he just wanted to be left alone to go upstairs and lock himself in his room.

"There you are, fratello!" Unfortunately, his brother seemed to have developed some sort of grumpy-brother-radar throughout the years, and his plan to head to bed early was washed away with the rain outside. Feliciano poked his head out though the opening to the kitchen, smiling cheerfully at him.

"We've got pasta waiting for you!"

_We_...? Oh no. Not today, of all days.

"I'm not that hungry," he grumbled, as he put his coat and boots away. Even if he _had_ been hungry, he would have preferred to go to sleep without food.

"B-but... _fratello_..." Oh no, not the puppy-dog-eyes. Feliciano mastered that expression more than anyone – honestly, people should start calling it Feliciano-eyes when puppy-dogs tried that with their owners. There was no way Lovino could resist that expression, no way in hell.

It was a damn shame, though. The last person he wanted to deal with right now was that potato-eating bastard Feliciano liked to call his "boyfriend".

Ludwig was of German heritance, but had moved here years ago, along with his brother. He and Feliciano had met just about two years ago, and soon fell into some sort of dysfunctional almost-love-relationship, despite being as different as two human beings possibly could be. The blonde, serious German seemed to be in denial about it, until some time ago. When they finally got together officially, everyone seemed to be relieved that things sorted out for them.

Lovino hated it, though. Ever since he first met the blonde, and seen the way his hard expression softened when around his brother, he'd started showing great dislike for him and their relationship. Everyone, including Ludwig, thought that Lovino hated him.

That wasn't the truth, though Lovino didn't really care if they thought so. The truth, no matter how much he despised admitting it, was that he was scared. Scared that Ludwig Beilschmidt would steal his brother away, leaving him on his own. Even more scared of the possibility that the man would break Feliciano's heart. Of course, he hid these fears behind his usual shield of grumpiness and anger.

"Hello, Lovino," the blonde gave a nod of his head as he entered the kitchen, where the table was set. He was just folding the apron Feliciano had bought some time ago, apparently trying to make the motion go unnoticed by the elder Italian. Of course he'd be embarrassed about wearing it – which he obviously had been, judging by the slight blush visible on the blonde's cheek bones –; tall, muscular and generally manly men just did not wear pink, frilly aprons of their own, free will.

"Beilschmidt," was Lovino's short reply. Feliciano and Ludwig both seemed a bit surprised at this. It wasn't all that strange, Lovino supposed, considering the fact that he almost always used some sort of offensive nickname for the guy, often both creative and colourful.

Dinner was a tense affair, though it could hardly be described as quiet, with Feliciano's constant babbling. Lovino could tell that the atmosphere was making even the ever-oblivious young man nervous. While most people wouldn't be able to tell his usual rambling from his nervous-rambling, to Lovino it was painfully obvious.

Ludwig tried adding to the conversation from time to time, and he even tried encouraging some sparse words out of the elder Italian – usually earning him a sharp glare of warning in return that made him sigh softly and continue eating.

It struck Lovino as a bit sad that the obvious reason for this unusual tenseness was the lack of profanities and growling on his part. More often than not, he would come across as foul-mouthed, offensive and quite aggressive, really. Ludwig didn't know how to handle this solemn, silently-dangerous Lovino Vargas, and Feliciano was clearly starting to think that the entire dinner-fiasco was his fault.

Seeing as Lovino rarely received anything but work-calls when it wasn't Feliciano phoning him, he'd never thought he'd be relieved to hear the buzzing tune in his pocket. Fishing out his phone, he glanced at the ID-call... and promptly choked on a piece of pasta upon recognizing the number.

After his eruption the other night, he never expected to hear from Antonio again. If the Spaniard wasn't truly as happy-go-lucky and oblivious as he sometimes seemed, he should have been hurt or at least offended by the harshness and suddenness of Lovino's rejection.

Coughing, spluttering, and ignoring Feliciano's worried exclamations, he stared at the phone. By the time he managed to breathe, it was still ringing. Standing from his chair, he excused himself from the table, pushing the call button and holding the phone to his ear.

"C-ciao..."

"Lovi? I'm sorry if I'm disturbing, you sound a bit out of breath..."

"You're not disturbing. What do you want?" Damn it, his lips were already running ahead of him, and he felt his heart jump against his ribcage, as if it was trying to make a hole in his chest to escape through. He quickly headed out of the kitchen, lowering his voice ever so slightly, not really wishing to be overheard.

"I... well, I felt that things ended a bit badly the other night, and I felt kind of bad about it. I shouldn't have asked you so suddenly, and-"

"It's not your fault." No, the fault was entirely on Lovino's part, and the fact that Antonio believed otherwise made something twist painfully inside.

"But I-"

"Listen, y-you just surprised me, that's all." He still sounded a bit angry – as usual – but at least he managed to come across as somewhat polite. "I shouldn't have blown up like I did." Ok, now to say sorry... Which proved a lot more difficult than he had anticipated. His lips opened and closed repeatedly, but it was as if his throat had constricted, and the words refused to escape.

Before his voice decided to cooperate, however, Antonio spoke again, voice hopeful but also a bit timid, as if he was trying to stay optimistic, but still expected to be violently rejected once again. "I really did have a great time, Lovino! I understand if you haven't changed your mind, but... well, the proposition still stands, if you're interested?"

Lovino couldn't believe it. His heart, previously raging in his chest, seemed to stop, and he just stared out into thin air, mouth open. That certainly hadn't been something he had expected the other to say.

"Are you being serious?" was the intelligent words that stumbled out before he could stop them. Antonio was _still_ willing to go out with him, despite the fact that Lovino had cursed at him, been nothing but impolite, grumpy and reluctant. Despite the fact that he had blown up in Antonio's face before running off like the cowardly asshole he was.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Antonio questioned softly. That damn answering-a-question-with-a-question-tactic again... Lovino could find plenty of reasons why he wouldn't – and shouldn't be serious, but didn't voice them.

"I... I'm not the kind of guy anyone would want to date," he grumbled when he finally managed to find his voice to reply, and there was a pause at the other end, before Antonio sounded again. His voice was gentle and soft and somehow made a lump form in Lovino's throat.

"I'm not 'anyone'."

Lovino struggled a bit before managing to speak again. "You better not bring me to a closed cinema next time, bastard."

"I won't!" Antonio sounded sincerely happy, and pretty soon, he was babbling on about something or the other, as Lovino sank down into a chair in the living room, answering with small noises of agreement, or one-word-replies. Time became unimportant, and for a moment the depression that had tormented him earlier didn't seem to weigh quite as heavily on his mind.

oOo

Summer slowly gave way for early autumn, as "one more date" turned into two, which turned into three... and fairly soon, Lovino's decision not to let anyone too close to him, went spiralling down the drain. By the time he even realized it, it was far too late to turn back.

His fear didn't disappear, far from it. Troubling thoughts and worries still nagged at him, and that quiet voice in the back of his head still tried to convince him that this was only going to get him hurt, that he should stop now and back away, before things got out of hand. It was hard to ignore it, but he somehow managed to push it to the back of his head.

Optimism was a trait he had killed and buried so long ago that it felt utterly unfamiliar, but for the first time in a long time, Lovino actually wanted to believe that things could work out. He wanted to believe that this time would be different. He never would have thought that a small bit of optimism could make his days seem so much brighter.

"Wow, you look happy!" Lovino blinked out of his thoughts, glancing up at Alfred over his coffee cup. "Besides, it's rare to see you actually take a break!" the American gave him a smile, sitting down in one of the other chairs in the room, fishing up a burger from his bag.

Lovino didn't answer, unsure of how to respond, and a bit embarrassed that he'd been caught sitting there with a distant expression and a small smile playing on his lips.

"I'm a bit relieved, really," Alfred continued without caring about the lack of verbal response. "Not too long ago, you looked ready to either collapse from exhaustion or murder someone with your stapler." At this, Lovino glared at him, though he knew that sadly, Alfred was right.

"Shut up, you..." he murmured with a sigh, not bothering with any harsher confrontation. Alfred merely smiled, finishing his burger in seconds and then bringing out another before swinging his legs over the armrest of the chair he was sitting in. The position and the burger in his hand made him look more like a carefree school kid than an working, adult man.

"Did something good happen?" he asked after a while, between bites. Lovino glanced at him, and was quite shocked when he was overcome by a sudden need to talk about it. Never before had he had any troubled separating his work-life and his personal life, though Alfred had threatened to make him cross that invisible line before.

"I... I guess..." he said quietly, blushing ever so slightly. Before he really knew what he was doing, he had told Alfred about Antonio, and thus crossed the invisible line he'd been so determined not to cross, and taking a huge leap out of his comfort zone. Only when he finished talking, did he realize what he'd just done.

Tensing abruptly where he sat, he could feel a sense of panic building in his throat as he waited anxiously for Alfred to laugh, yell at him, or make some sort of remark on how incredibly out-of-character he was being...

"Wow, that's awesome, man!" Blinking, Lovino dared a glance at the blonde again. Alfred's expression wasn't mocking, and he wasn't laughing. A true, sincere smile adorned his expression, as he stood and came over to give Lovino a slap on the back. "You deserve some happiness."

With that, he gave a huge smile and a wave as he left the pause-room, leaving Lovino to stare after him, shoulders slowly relaxing.

"That... wasn't as painful as I thought..." A small, lopsided smile touched his features, as he too stood, putting his professional mask back in place with some difficulty, before heading back to the office to get some work done.

No matter how professional his expression was, there was a new-found energy to his steps that hadn't been there before, and he couldn't help but feel that people weren't shying nervously away from him like they used to do.

oOo

_Hope you liked the chapter~ If you could give me some feedback, telling me what you think of it so far, that would be awesome! ^^_

_Ciao – Hello (and "goodbye")(Italian)_


	5. Chapter 4

_Sorry about the delay, things have been busy lately. A special thanks to all those who takes the time to give me a review, I really appreciate it! Here's a new chapter for you all! I hope you'll enjoy it! ^^_

_oOo_

* * *

><p>More than a month and a half had passed since he first – officially – met Lovino, and they had been on several dates. Even so, Antonio felt that every date was a lot like a first. Lovino would be pretty much as sceptical as ever, though he had gone from constantly-cursing at the Spaniard, to just being vaguely-offending... All right, so there was <em>some<em> progress, but it was slow.

Antonio had almost considered writing the foul mood of the younger man off as some weird sense of humour. Francis had asked him on several occasions, most often after interrogating the Spaniard for details of the dates, how he was able to put up with it. His answer would always be the same.

Because he knew that it was just a mask.

And by God, Lovino knew how to wear a mask to make it believable. He might have believed it to be his real personality, had there not been moments where the mask would slip, ever so slightly. Antonio had never been considered particularly perceptive, but he could still pick up the hints of sadness and pain in these moments, as well as a sense of fear that seemed to border on fright or even panic at times. But beside these sad emotions, he also noticed the tiny smiles. The shy glances in his direction. The hope, slowly and gradually building up in those breathtaking eyes – just to die the next second, like a candle flickering out in a storm.

Because truly, Lovino's mind seemed to reflect his apparent personality; it was as stormy as a hurricane, and as unpredictable as a tornado.

Lovino was often busy - More often than not, to tell the truth. In the beginning, Antonio had thought it to be little more than an excuse, but he was beginning to believe that the other truly worked five times as much, and ten times as hard as the average person.

Lovino never spoke much of his job, and Antonio had no idea what he even worked with. Not that the job was the only thing he didn't talk about; he never spoke much of himself or his life in general, really. Antonio had realized at one point that he knew next to nothing about the Italian, except for his name. To put it shortly; the Italian was a complete and utter mystery to him.

The subject of visiting each other had started coming up from time to time after about two or three weeks. Antonio usually wouldn't even notice the fact that Lovino had expertly avoided the subject, until he went to bed that night and suddenly realized that his questions and suggestions had gone unanswered. Again.

"What am I doing wrong...?" he gave a sigh, where he lay on his back on Francis' bed. His friend had invited him over to ask his opinion on various outfits for tomorrow's date with what he called a "special someone" – Antonio's experience was that Francis found a new "special someone" every week or so. In the end, their meeting had gone from just a simple visit to... this.

They were well into their second bottle of wine, Antonio was feeling low-spirited and pathetic, and Francis' had gone from trying on regular clothes to more daring clothes, until he came to the category of "clothes you would rather die than have your parents find".

"You're doing nothing wrong, _mon cher_," Francis reassured him, skipping over to the bed and putting a pair of rabbit's ears on the Spaniard's head. Antonio supposed he should have been more alarmed about the stuff the Frenchman kept in his closet. "Sure, your little Italian is more secretive than what is normal, but that does not have to mean anything."

"But he never even told me about his job... I mean, what could he be working with that is so secret?"

"Perhaps he's a... ah, what do they call it in _anglais_... agent? Secret agent?"

"He's too loud."

"A walking billboard?"

"Too impatient, and he'd kill anyone who dared comment upon it."

"Prostitute?"

"Don't even joke about that!" Antonio lifted his head, giving a slight glare. "Besides, he's working normal work days, it seems... plus a few hours more." The last part was added in a quiet murmur, and he gave yet another sigh. In truth, it was hard to get hold of the other during week days, as he would only be available in the evening, or during late afternoon.

Francis smiled, shifting the outfit – was that a _maid's dress_? – he was currently wearing, and opening his mouth to comment, when a knock came to his apartment door.

"I'll be right back." With that, he skipped out of the bedroom. Antonio sat up abruptly in alarm.

"Francis, you'll scare the hell out of whoever it is, wearing _that_!" Scrambling off the bed, he jogged after the other, only to be too late. The Frenchman was already at the door, and had not only opened it, but also posed in a suggesting manner. He might actually look somewhat hot in that dress, had it not been for the rather manly body hair, and the slight beard at his chin, which kind of ruined his impression of a cute, feminine maid.

"How can I help you~?" he cooed, and Antonio felt torn between laughing and running over to reassure whoever came to visit that the Frenchman was quite drunk and didn't know what he was doing.

"I'm not sure I'd want the sort of help you're offering, Franny," came a quipped reply, instead of the horrified scream Antonio had partially expected. Apparently, this wasn't just any stranger.

"Gilbert! When did you come back?" Francis had thrown himself around the stranger's neck by now, and Antonio could tell that his friend was sincerely happy to see whoever it was. Said 'stranger' was proved to be a man their age, as Francis pulled him into the apartment. He could be an albino, with his red eyes and silvery white hair, had it not been for the dark eyelashes and brows, and the fact that he did have some pigmentation in his skin as well, though it was slight. While he wasn't very tall, and quite lithe of build, he had a certain presence that made him appear stronger than his frame suggested that he was.

"A few days ago," Gilbert replied to Francis' question. "I meant to call, but well... had a few things to sort out first." He suddenly took notice of the Spaniard still standing a bit awkwardly in the middle of the living room and grinned easily. "I'd ask if you were the guy Francis is dressing up for, but you look too sane to be his type. You must be Antonio, _ja_?"

"Eh... Yeah, that's me," Antonio smiled, quite surprised that Francis had mentioned him. Gilbert freed himself from Francis's hold, and came over, holding out his hand.

"Gilbert here." Strangely enough, the off-hand smile he gave suddenly made all awkwardness disappear, as Antonio grinned, greeting him back.

Two hours later, the three of them were huddled together on Francis' – too small – couch, watching some classic romance-movie and talking about anything and nothing, as if they had been friends forever. It was strange, how some relationships would be slow and hesitating, while others seemed to just pop up out of the blue and grow strong in just a matter of moments.

One second, the trio talked about light topics, joking around and teasing each other. The next, they moved onto deeper things, like for example love and its consequences. As it turned out, by some strange coincidence, Gilbert also preferred the male gender in relationships, and for a while, the three were exchanging stories of embarrassing, painful or simply amusing situations this shared fact had caused them throughout the years.

Gilbert easily won when it came to painful ones, revealing that his parents had officially disowned him upon finding out. He claimed that they never really cared for him anyway, and that he was too awesome to care, but it was evident that it caused him more pain than he let on. Antonio himself had never had that particular problem, as he'd grown up in an orphanage, not really knowing whether his family was dead or alive somewhere in the world – Francis and Gilbert both had been horrified to hear this fact, and had tried convincing him that they would be his family from now on. Needles to say, they were both affected by alcohol, and thus overly emotional, but it was still touching to Antonio, and he couldn't help but feel very lucky to have friends like them.

"So, 'Tonio, I hear from Francis you're trying to woo a grumpy Italian," Gilbert smirked, changing the subject onto what he probably hoped would be a lighter one. Antonio sighed, nodding.

"It's not going too well, though..." he murmured with a moan, leaning his head back onto Francis' chest, legs resting on either side of Gilbert, where he was leaning against the arm of the couch, a glass of wine in hand. If anyone were to come in, they'd probably find the mangled mass of limbs on the cramped couch too intimate to be considered proper. None of that mattered, though – at the moment, all three of them were perfectly happy with the intimacy and couldn't have felt less awkward about it.

"How long have you been dating?"

"About... a month and a half, I think. But he still won't tell me a thing about himself! I understand that he's secretive, but... what if he really doesn't want to date me at all, and just wants me to go away?"

This was something he had thought about a lot lately. Logically, Lovino had been the one to accept his date-offer in the first place, but he couldn't help but feel that he'd forced the other into the relationship somehow, by pestering him too much. At times, he wondered if he should just ask Lovino directly if he wanted to continue dating or not, but in the end, he was too scared. Which in turn made him feel pathetic, for getting so attached to the Italian, despite not knowing a thing about him. Despite being clueless of whether his feelings were one-sided or not.

Gilbert hummed quietly, taking a sip of is wine. Despite it being his fourth glass, he showed few signs of being even slightly intoxicated, apart from his overly-emotional behaviour earlier. Upon question, he blamed it on his 'awesome', German blood.

"What kind of dates have you been to?" he asked eventually.

"Well... the first date was to a puppet theatre – don't ask," he added upon seeing the red-eyed male's incredulous expression, "and then I took him to the movies once, and to dinner a few times... a walk in the park..."

"Basic, boring stuff, in other words?" Gilbert cut him off, and Antonio blinked, thinking about it. Now that he thought about it, it _was_ kind of boring...

"Oh no, could it be that he's so bored with me that he's sick of dating?" he exclaimed in horror, but Francis chuckled behind him, playing with his hair.

"Don't take it personally, _mon cher_, but perhaps a change of tactic is in order? It does not sound like your man is the type for the traditional, simple stuff."

"Yeah, like... Matthew and me went to play hockey, for example! _Mein Gott_, I was sore for days afterwards, but it was still the best date ever!" Gilbert said, his eyes getting a fond expression upon mention of his boyfriend.

"So... you're saying I should do something more exciting?"

"We're saying that doing something you actually enjoy, Toni. It might make it more fun for the both of you," Francis chuckled.

"But I like walks in the park..." Antonio grumbled, though a grin still adorned his features. He got the gist of what his friends were trying to suggest, and he was already starting to think about possible things to do. If he could fit into Lovino's busy schedule, of course.

"Hey, what's his name, anyway? He's not secretive enough not to give out his name, right?"

"No, that's just about the only thing I know about him. His name's Lovino."

"Lovino? As in, Lovino Vargas?" Gilbert looked surprised, eyes widening slightly.

"Yeah, you know him?" Antonio was a bit taken aback at this, as it was an unexpected turn of events.

"Well, not personally... but Ludwig, my little brother, hangs out a lot with Lovino's younger brother. Apparently, he hates Ludwig's guts, though I'm guessing that might just be an overprotective-brother-thing."

Antonio didn't really know what to say, surprised at the coincidence and a bit taken aback by this new revelation. As it turned out, Lovino had a younger brother. And to think that he hadn't given even the slightest hints of having a family at all...

"His brother's name's Feliciano," Gilbert continued, "he and Ludwig's been dating for a while now."

"He's finally admitted to his love?" Francis shot in, incredulously. "What did your parents say?"

"They don't know." Gilbert gave a somewhat solemn grimace. "Neither of us has got much to do with them anymore anyway, but I know he feels kind of bad about it."

The two began talking about this, but Antonio had tuned them out, thinking about this new information. In the end, one question kept replaying in his mind, over and over;

Why did Lovino feel the need to hide his personal life from Antonio...?

Shortly after this question popped up, a smile began playing on his lips, as he eventually came to a firm decision. No matter how long it would take, he would make Lovino trust him enough to open up more. There just wasn't any other option.

oOo

* * *

><p>"Can I take this fucking blindfold off soon?" Lovino was not happy. Antonio could tell as much, and it made him fasten their pace a bit more, so that they would reach the destination before Lovino tore the piece of clothe to bits and pieces. Careful, not to let his companion slip or fall, he guided him eagerly down the path until they had finally reached the destination.<p>

Coming to a stop, he made a dramatic pause for effect, before smiling. "Ok, you can take it off now!" The Italian didn't have to be told twice, ripping the cloth of and blinking against the bright sunlight that met his eyes. It took some time for him to get used to the sudden brightness, and Antonio nervously awaited his reaction. When he finally was able to see, his eyes widened just a fraction, lips parting in mute surprise.

"We're... going to surf?" Lovino asked eventually, glancing from Antonio to the sea, and to the equipment that lay waiting for them, along with a picnic basket. While his voice was neutral, cautious, there were no complaints, which gave Antonio slight hope.

"_Sí_!"

He waited anxiously for further reaction, and grew a little nervous as the other walked over to the equipment. Eventually, the younger man turned to him, and although uncertainty was written clearly on his features, there were no signs of aggression of any kind. With a small sigh, the Italian gave a nod.

"You... you'll have to show me how," he murmured, and Antonio found his shoulders relaxing at this.

He couldn't help the eager grin that broke out on his face. "Of course!"

After two hours of playing in the water, lots of profanities, and – thankfully – quite a lot of laughter, Lovino was actually becoming quite good. He seemed to like surfing – even if he ended up spending the afternoon mostly in the water – and Antonio was thrilled. Surfing was something he truly enjoyed, and the fact that Lovino also enjoyed it, made him surprisingly happy.

He'd spent quite some time thinking about dates that would be more interesting, worrying that his date would dislike whatever activity he chose. Thankfully, it seemed that his choice of activity had been a good one.

"If you shift your balance a bit to your left foot, you'll get a better-" the rest of his words faded into a sympathetic chuckle, as Lovino's balance went out of hand, and he went toppling of his board yet again, coming up spluttering and spitting water.

Of course, the fact that he got to see Lovino wet was a bit of a bonus, though he couldn't admit it out loud, afraid it would sound perverted. Well... it probably _was_ perverted. But what could he say? With those adorable locks of hair, curling upon contact with the water, and that well-shaped – though a bit too thin – body, complimented by the tight wet-suit, he was quite a sight.

"What are you smiling at, bastard?" Lovino asked, as he hauled himself out of the water and onto the board, opting to sit on it instead of standing. While his words could be interpreted as harsh, his tone was calm, and actually sounded somewhat pleasant.

"Sorry," Antonio smiled. "You just looked so cute, I couldn't help myself." And, just as he'd predicted, a blush immediately spread across the Italian's cheeks, and he turned away with a huff, muttering about something or the other that Antonio probably wasn't supposed to hear.

"I'm getting a bit hungry. What do you say we go open that picnic basket, hm?" Antonio nodded towards the beach. The next minute, he had to repress a chuckle as Lovino's stomach gave a rather loud rumble. Lovino cleared his throat with a tiny smile of his own, and shrugged.

"Whatever."

The two headed back to the beach again, and Antonio fetched towels for them both. It was a delightfully warm day, one of those pleasant days that reminded more of summer than autumn. Even so, they had opted for wet suits due to the chilly temperature of the water.

Despite the nice weather, they had this part of the beach mostly to themselves. Neither of them complained about this, however, enjoying the lack of noise and stress.

It was nice to sit there in the afternoon sun, having changed back into dry clothes, and eating the dishes Antonio had made in a peaceful sort of silence. Lovino had even said that the food tasted good – although his wording was "Heh, it doesn't taste as awful as I feared", his tone signalled that it was as close to a compliment he would get for now.

So far, this was definitely the best of the dates they had been to so far, and he didn't have to be a genius to see that Lovino felt so too. The Italian was looking quite at ease, gazing out across the sea, while munching on the churros Antonio had packed. Seeing him like this was rare, as he usually had all his guards and defences up when they were together. It gave the Spaniard hope that, with some time, he'd get to see this side of Lovino more often.

Despite the atmosphere, questions still burned at the back of his tongue, though, and he was growing quite frustrated with his own impatience. All to its own time, he tried telling himself, but it didn't really help much.

"Somehow... the sea calms me down."

Antonio blinked out of his thoughts, barely catching the soft words. For a moment he thought he'd imagined it, but a glance at the red-tinted cheeks of the other confirmed that he truly had said it.

"Yeah, me too. The sound of the waves and the smell... it's beautiful, isn't it?" He spoke gently, smiling as he leant back on the heels of his hands, enjoying the way the wind played with his hair.

"Mhm," came the confirmative sound, and Antonio saw that Lovino had closed his eyes where he sat, knees pulled up to his chest. The Spaniard's breath caught in his throat for a moment, and his heart sped up as he let his eyes rest on the both vulnerable, and peaceful figure of the man he was truly falling more and more in love with.

The concept of love was somewhat foreign to him, as he didn't have much experience with lovers. Truthfully, he knew next to nothing about how it was supposed to feel to be in love... but he did trust his heart and his instincts. And they were telling him that this was the man he wanted to be with. The Italian sitting beside him was the one he wished to protect against harm, hold safely in his arms, spend days and nights with, kiss...

Sadly, he had a feeling that if he expressed these secret thoughts to the Italian too soon, he'd only succeed in scaring him away. He was like a wild kitten, fearful and sceptical. Just one wrong, sudden movement could easily make him either fight or run.

A slightly wistful smile touched Antonio's lips, as he moved his eyes out onto the sea instead of the mesmerizing enigma that had waltzed into his life, and turned everything he knew inside-out.

This was enough, for now. Just sitting here, listening to the waves hitting the sand, the seagulls crying as they soared across the skies, and-"

"Fratello?" A surprised voice broke the silence, meaning that they were no longer alone. In the matter of a split second, Lovino's posture had gone from relaxed to tense, and his eyes widened as he spun around. Antonio blinked in wonder at his boyfriend's sudden mood change, and turned to face the person who interrupted their moment.

"F-Feliciano!"

Somehow, Antonio had a feeling this was not the time or way Lovino would have wished for him to meet his brother, and upon seeing the expressions in Lovino's eyes, he got a disheartening feeling that yet another successful date would meet a sad end.

oOo

* * *

><p><em>Thanks for reading. If you could give me some feedback telling me what you like (or dislike) about my story, it would really warm my heart! I'm happy about faves and alerts too, sure, but they don't really give me anything to work with… <em>

_Mon cher – My dear (French)_

_Anglais – English (French)_

_Ja – Yes (German)_

_Mein Gott – My God (German)_

_Sí – Yes (Spanish)_


	6. Chapter 5

_I just wanted to give my thanks to Emily, for her nice review on my last chapter! I really appreciated it, Emily, thank you! : )_

_So, here's a new chapter for you all! Enjoy~_

oOo

* * *

><p>To say that Lovino hated surprises was quite an understatement. He absolutely despised when unforeseen happenings crossed his path, and he was thrown into a state of semi-panic, searching desperately for the right way to handle the situation.<p>

Most often, anger was his best friend when dealing with stress, surprises and – as in this particular situation – fear. Glancing from Feliciano, who had just gotten that idiotic happy smile that seemed to scream of "aha, brother, I saw you look happy, just admit it!" This particular variation was only a single one, out of his large vocabulary of idiotic, happy smiles. Lovino hated that particular smile, because it appeared so seldom, reminding him what a grumpy and depressing a person he was. It also had a nasty tendency of making him very self-conscious.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded, voice yet again two or three steps ahead of his panicked thoughts. The answer seemed obvious, however, as Ludwig appeared behind Feliciano. The German man looked quite awkward, as if he had walked in on something very private. Ludwig always was better at sensing the mood than Feliciano.

"We were just out walking," Feliciano smiled brightly, "I didn't know you would be here, fratello!" He practically skipped down to where Lovino and Antonio were seated, and Lovino glanced at his date. The cheerful and smiling face of the other, which had made his heart beat eagerly just moments ago, now made his heart drop like a stone into the base of his stomach.

"Hi!" Antonio greeted. "You must be Lovino's brother, right? I'm Antonio!" He held out his hand, and Feliciano practically beamed at him, taking the hand and shaking it vigorously.

"Yes, yes I'm Feliciano! It's very nice to meet you! It looks like you're having a great time, huh?"

Lovino could only stand there, stunned into silence, as Feliciano blabbered on about something or the other, while Antonio happily chatted along. His thoughts whirled around in a confusing chaos, as he tried to process what was going on. He couldn't remember ever mentioning anything about having a brother. And they didn't really look that much alike, did they?

Somehow, his ears seemed to have tuned out the conversation between the two, but he couldn't take his eyes away from them, as they spoke animatedly about something or the other. For some reason, they seemed to be entirely on the same frequency, each of their cheerful personalities complimenting the other...

"I knew fratello had been going out often lately, but he never said where! He always makes me so curious, being so secretive!" These words made sound return to Lovino, and he wanted to say something, anything, only to find that his throat had gone dry.

"He sure is," Antonio replied, nodding in agreement. "He never told me he had such a cute little brother, either!" Feliciano smiled softly at the compliment, saying something or the other that Lovino honestly couldn't hear. He had practically stopped breathing after that cursed sentence had left the Spaniard's lips, as if the innocent but painful words crushed his lungs with their weight.

His lips parted, but not a sound would come out, as he suddenly felt very lost and distant from them both. It was as if a river had suddenly cut through the landscape between them. Of course he should have known that it would go like this. It was the same every fucking time, after all. Feliciano was always the cute one, the one who could charm anyone without knowing it. He always got along so well with anyone, while Lovino could just as well have been a shadow at his feet.

Ludwig, as the observant person he was, was the first one to sense the tense atmosphere building up around Lovino, coughing quietly into his hand before speaking. "So you were having a picnic? Sorry, we must have disturbed you..."

Lovino would never admit that he actually felt something akin to gratitude at the German's considerate words. Though it also made him feel like a complete idiot for not being able to speak up and break the tense silence himself. No, all he was able to do was stand there and drown in his own fucking paranoia...

"Oh, no, no, not at all!" Antonio – the bastard – protested with a bright smile. "Right?" He turned to Lovino, but the smile faltered slightly upon noticing Lovino's expression. He and Feliciano glanced at each other, sharing a look of confusion and slight worry that something was wrong.

"No..." Lovino spoke, clearing his throat as his voice came out as something resembling a hoarse whisper, "you weren't disturbing, because we were just about to go home anyway." Turning abruptly, lest the pain in his chest would overpower the remaining shreds of willpower and pride, he strode over to the basket, all but throwing dishes and remaining food back into it.

"W-we were...?" Antonio's voiced confusion was promptly ignored, and after a moment of hesitation, he began to help with the cleaning up, looking as if he was trying to figure out where things had taken a dive in the wrong direction.

Of course Lovino knew that it was no wonder the Spaniard was confused. If he was to think logically, even he could see that Antonio was probably just being nice upon meeting Feliciano. Any normal and social person would do the same thing. Of course he knew that...

But if the many fears and issues Lovino had when it came to relationships could have been eased by a tiny, insecure voice of reason residing in the far back of his mind, he would have found peace ages ago. As it was, the only thing he'd come relatively at peace with was the fact that he was one messed up person, which didn't really help matters at all.

Gathering all the things he could carry, Lovino gave a curt nod in Ludwig's direction, as the German was the only person he could look at without falling apart completely. Then he strode up the path where he assumed they had arrived, struggling slightly with the items he was carrying, but struggling even more with his own turbulent emotions.

Antonio's voice could be heard behind him, sounding somewhat frantic. "It was very nice meeting you, Feliciano, oh and you too, um..."

"Ludwig."

"Nice to meet you too, Ludwig. Hey, Lovino, wait up!"

But Lovino didn't wait, marching away as best as he could while struggling with the picnic basket and the surf board he was carrying, trying to get as much distance between him and the others as soon as possible. He knew Antonio was following him, though it was a while before the other spoke.

"Lovi...!" They had to be out of hearing and sigh from the other two now, but Lovino didn't dare to stop. He didn't want Antonio to see his face at the moment, and he didn't want to explode with all these pent up emotions for no reasonable reason.

"Please wait... did I do something wrong?" A hand touched his shoulder, and Lovino stopped involuntarily, listening as Antonio continued to speak. "I don't know what happened, Lovino. Please... can't you tell me what's wrong?" The Spaniard didn't try to turn him around, nor did he force Lovino to answer. He didn't have to, as the tone of his voice was so gentle and pleading that it practically tore Lovino's defences in half.

"I... I... damn it..." Lovino could feel the tears burning in his eyes, wanting nothing more than to dig a hole in the ground and jump in just to be left alone with his ridiculous issues, never to pester anyone again. It would have been perfect – Antonio could have just gone to Feliciano, because no one remotely sane would bother digging up an unbalanced, moody and confusing wreck of an Italian, when they could just go befriend a charming, happy and smiling one instead.

"Lovi? Are you crying...?" Antonio sounded almost desperate, and now he did turn Lovino around to face him. Although the movement in itself was gentle, it wasn't that easy an manoeuvre when the surfing board caught in some bushes, and one handle of the picnic basket chose that exact moment to break, making it lose balance, and thus sending all the dishes and food toppling out.

Lovino's remaining anger evaporated, leaving him exposed and vulnerable, shivering where he stood, and crying pointless, embarrassing tears. He knew Antonio was staring at him, but didn't dare to meet his eyes. Instead, he kept his gaze locked on the ground at his feet, watching the droplets of tears drip onto the tips of his shoes. He swallowed heavily when he saw Antonio's feet move closer.

"Lovino... I know you're not going to like it, but I'm going to hug you." That was all the warning he got, and his eyes widened as he felt a pair of strong, warm arms embrace him, pulling him tightly to the well-toned chest of the Spaniard. In any normal situation, it would have made him gasp and attempt to run away. At the moment, however, he couldn't help but melt into the embrace, even though he couldn't bring himself to hug the other back.

Upon noticing how Lovino wasn't protesting, Antonio took to stroking his back soothingly, not saying anything, but simply holding him. Lovino could feel the tense muscles of his shoulders relax slowly but steadily. It wasn't logical at all, for him to be so calm, despite being faced with such close contact... Even so, he had to admit that it was a rather tranquil moment, and-

"Get a room, you two! Jesus, kids these days..." some elderly guy huffed as he strode past them, muttering about wasting good food, and destroying nature with garbage and indecent display of emotions.

Lovino tensed at first, brought out of his peaceful daze by the man's outburst, but after the initial shock had passed, a wave of something entirely unfamiliar washed up in his chest. A moment later, the bubbling feeling escaped his lips in the form of a snort.

"Jeez, way to ruin the moment..." he heard Antonio mutter, and that was the last straw. Before he could help it, he broke into a fit of unstoppable giggles, despite how he probably looked like a complete lunatic. Antonio, at first, looked bewildered, but then he joined in, and before long, they were both laughing so hard that it was hard to even stand up anymore.

Lovino couldn't remember the last time he'd laughed this much – he didn't normally laugh at all. He couldn't bring himself to be embarrassed, though. For some reason, despite his earlier semi-breakdown, nothing seemed to matter except for the fact that they were here right now, Antonio and Lovino, two ridiculous young men, laughing like a couple of children.

As they regained control over their laughter, Antonio smiled at him, and thankfully didn't ask any further about what had happened back on the beach. Instead, he simply led Lovino to where he'd parked the car he had apparently borrowed from a friend, leaving Lovino to wait for him as he ran back to fetch the rest of their things, which had promptly been forgotten on the beach.

Lovino eyed the Spaniard's back where he jogged back down the path, still feeling somewhat lightheaded from the earlier laughing fit. And for once, he was able to push away the voice in the back of his consciousness that tried to convince him that there was no way this was going to last...

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><p>The ride back to the house was quiet, and Lovino knew that the Spaniard wanted to ask what had happened. He was glad he didn't, though. Of course Antonio deserved an explanation for his bizarre behaviour, but at the moment, he wasn't too keen on explaining anything. He was tired, both physically and mentally. No, exhausted was more like it.<p>

He was so sick of his own insecurities, and wished more than anything that he could be able to believe that little voice in the back of his head that tried telling him that it was ok to trust and hope.

"Turn right over there," he said quietly, and Antonio complied. Perhaps it should be seen as a step in the right direction that he was even allowing the Spaniard to find out where he lived. A rather large step, in fact, as Lovino wasn't too keen on letting anyone that close into his life.

"So this is where you live, huh? It's a pretty neighbourhood," Antonio smiled gently as he glanced around at the cosy-looking houses.

Lovino had to admit that it was indeed a pretty neighbourhood. He and Feliciano had moved there, to their grandfather's house after their parents passed away, and when he too died, they ended up inheriting the house. The rather small neighbourhood, located a bit outside the thick of the city, wasn't all grand and posh, nor was it for people living in great poverty. It was just an average neighbourhood, where families lived their peaceful lives. Where kids could play in the streets without their parents worrying too much. Where people actually cared about, and made an effort to get to know, their neighbours.

"Yeah, it is pretty..." he murmured in agreement, though he couldn't be sure if Antonio heard him or not. "It's the white house, over there."

Antonio pulled up in front of the gate in the wooden fence, smiling as he eyed the property. The house looked just as cosy as the rest of the neighbourhood houses, with a rather big, inviting garden – which was mostly Lovino's work, as gardening was one of the few things Feliciano wasn't all that good at.

"So this is your house, hm?" Antonio said softly, and Lovino nodded.

"It's nothing special, really," he said truthfully. It was an average house by most standards, but it had served as a home for years now, and thus it was special, at least to Feliciano and him.

"It's beautiful!" Antonio smiled,. "Really, I- Oh!" Out of the blue, he was practically leaning over Lovino's side of the car, as he caught sight of something. Lovino blinked at the sudden eagerness in the other's expression.

"You grow tomatoes!" the Spaniard exclaimed, and a light seemed to light up in his green eyes upon noticing.

"Y-yeah, what about it?"

"I love tomatoes! I always wanted to have my own tomato garden. My apartment makes that pretty impossible, though... You're so lucky!" Lovino blushed slightly at the beaming smile, opening the door to the car. He hesitated before stepping out, however.

"Um... thank you for today..."

"No, thank you for coming, Lovino! I had a great time!" Yet another beaming smile was sent his way, and Lovino felt quite humbled, actually, to be at the receiving end of such a smile. He nodded, about to step out, when a hand touched his arm softly. Glancing back, he had no time to protest, before a pair of lips were on his.

It was fleeting and quick, and far from romantic – in fact it was rather awkward and shy. But it still made blood rush to his cheeks, and he stared at Antonio, who was also quite red-cheeked. The immediate reaction was to curse at him for catching him off guard, but somehow, he felt perfectly calm.

"I... I'll see you around..." he murmured shyly, and a hesitant smile touched his lips as he hurried out of the car, shutting the door behind him and marching up the walkway to the porch, with as much dignity he could muster. It wasn't until he glanced back to see Antonio driving away, and eventually disappearing around a corner, that he dared to raise a hand to his lips, taking a deep breath.

His heart was fluttering in his chest like a flag tossed around in a storm, and he felt a lot like a school girl with a crush. There was little doubt. He was in love. Very much so. No point in denying the fact anymore, no matter how much he doubted that this could possibly have a happy ending...

Turning around again, he slowly headed inside, swallowing heavily as a more pressing matter forced away the brief moment of joy.

The scent of pizza met him as he stepped inside, and his previously thundering heart sank at this. He had hoped Feliciano wouldn't be home yet, so that he could have a bit of time to come up with a decent apology for his actions at the beach.

Closing the door behind him, he heard something clutter in the kitchen, and knew Feliciano had heard him, and was upset. Any other day, the youngest of the two would have appeared in the kitchen doorway, smiling brightly and welcoming him home. Whenever he was upset, however, he would rather wait in the kitchen, perhaps hoping that Lovino wouldn't come to eat at all.

Guilt ate at Lovino's insides, as he ran a hand through his unruly curls, matted with salt water and ruffled by the wind. Finally, he drew a breath, and walked into the kitchen, seeing his brother stand by the kitchen counter, rubbing at the surface with a dish rag. Feliciano didn't say anything, as Lovino stopped uncertainly right inside the doorway.

A moment of silence passed through the room before Lovino opened his mouth to apologize...

"I'm sorry, fratello!" he suddenly heard, as Feliciano beat him to it. The words died on his lips, and he faltered. Why was Feliciano apologizing? No, that wasn't right... _He _was the one who had been acting like an idiot, so why-

"I'm sorry for being such a bother." the youngest finally turned around, silent tears trickling down his cheeks as their eyes met. Lovino stared at him, shocked at this outcome. The guilt rose inside him, and suddenly he felt utterly weak and pathetic. It wasn't that rare for his brother to be crying, but the fact that he was crying over _him_, made something twist painfully in his gut.

"Don't apologize, Feli," he whispered hoarsely, "you have nothing to be sorry for."

"You're lying! You never blame me, never complain, but somehow I always end up making you sad..." Feliciano cut off, biting his lip. Lovino was shocked. He had never realized that his brother felt like this. He'd always tried to hide his pain around Feliciano, and he had thought he'd succeeded.

"Don't say that!" he exclaimed, with akin to horror, taking a step closer to the other before stopping again. "Don't ever say that it's your fault!"

"But it is! It's my fault that mom and dad never paid any attention to you! It's m-my fault grandpa didn't notice you! It's my fault that-"

"Shut up!" Lovino's cry cut him off sharply, and he felt a bit bad for raising his voice. Even so, he couldn't listen to his brother taking the blame for everything, when none of it was his fault. "Just, please... shut up..."

"But-"

"No! None of this is your fault, Feliciano! The only one who is to blame here is me! I was never as good as you, and I never will be, because I'm a... useless idiot, and always have been! It's perfectly understandable, isn't it? Who in their right mind would bother with me, when there are people who are so much better? So don't blame yourself, because it's me there's something wrong with!"

Feliciano's dish rag fell limply out of his hands, hitting the floor tiles with a quiet flop. He stared at Lovino, and Lovino felt panic rise in his throat. He'd never intended for his brother to find out these secret thoughts that tormented him. He'd never intended for Feliciano to know just how much of a walking inferiority complex he truly was.

The only thing that struck him, as he saw Feliciano pale, was that this was turning out to be the day for emotional breakdowns and breakthroughs, and he wasn't sure how many more of those he could handle…

oOo

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><p><em>Thanks for reading. I'd like to hear some thoughts, if you don't awfully mind~ ^^<em>


	7. Chapter 6

_A new chapter, one day early (since I'll probably be busy tomorrow)~ Enjoy!_

oOo

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><p>"Thank you for buying! Have a nice day!" cheerfully waving after a customer as she left the store, Antonio gave a small, happy smile. It didn't bother him at all that it was raining heavily outside, nor did it bother him that most of the day consisted of dusting shelves and waiting for the few, rare customers who bothered running through the rain and winds just to buy flowers.<p>

Somehow, he was stuck in some sort of rush of happiness, after last night's date. Sure, it hadn't been all great, that emotional explosion put a bit of a damper on it, but even so... the ending had been perfect.

That kiss had been a shot in the dark, and to be honest, he had expected either a string of curses and a turned back, or a slap across the face. Instead, he'd received that shy, adorable little smile. God, it had completely melted his heart, and just thinking about it made him somewhat light-headed.

Francis and Gilbert had practically pounced on him the moment he got back, and he'd ended up telling them most of what had happened. He'd left out certain details, however, because he had a feeling his cute little Italian wouldn't be too happy about anyone knowing about that. Especially someone he had never met.

The bell over the door rang, startling him out of his blissful thoughts, and he straightened, turning his attention and his smile to the person by the door.

"Welcome..." his voice drifted off uncertainly at the sight of the tall man that had entered. Despite the rain, the stranger wore only a dark green sweater, with the hood drawn up, shadowing the higher parts of his tan face. Antonio had been taught at an early age that he shouldn't judge by appearance, but there was something about this guy that just sent chills up his spine.

"Can I help you?" he asked politely, smiling none-the-less. The stranger glanced in his direction, before giving a small smile, which didn't seem to reach his dark eyes, from what Antonio could see. Somehow, he felt steadily more uncomfortable, as the stranger looked around, apparently searching for something.

Eventually, he found what he was searching for, and came up to the counter, at a slow, steady pace that somehow reminded Antonio of a predator fooling his prey into thinking he was harmless. As he stopped in front of the counter, the man lay a single flower down on the counter top; an orange lily.

"Oh... Right, that will cost-" he didn't get any further, as the stranger but the correct amount of money down on the counter top, that eerie smile still in place.

"You can keep that," he said eventually, his dark voice having a certain edge to it. The next moment, he had turned and left the store, leaving Antonio to stare after him. Eventually, he glanced down at the lily, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable. A friend had thought him the symbolism of flowers a few years ago, claiming it to be something very few bothered caring about these days. Antonio had always found it rather fascinating, not to mention romantic, and thus had looked into it on his own as well.

At the moment, he wasn't so sure romantic was the right word to describe the flower presented to him.

"What the..." looking at the door, a crease forced its way onto his forehead, and his previous happiness seemed to go down the drain. Was it coincidental? No, if it had been, why would the stranger buy a flower just to give it to _him_ specifically? And that smile... Suddenly the store seemed cold, and Antonio shivered, despite himself.

He was so sure he'd never even seen that guy before. So why would he give him a flower symbolizing disdain and hatred...?

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><p>Somehow, his cheerful mood didn't seem to want to come back after that, even though he'd long since thrown the flower in the garbage bin. Pushing the encounter to the back of his head for now, he did manage to almost forget about it, but there was still a certain sense of foreboding lingering that only seemed to grow as the sky outside grew darker and heavier.<p>

He only had about an hour left of work, when the door bell alerted his attention. Surprised, he looked up from where he stood, with his arms full of the tulips he was putting into a different bin. The next second, he smiled brightly when he recognized the person in the doorway.

"Lovi!" The sudden exclamation and loss of focus made some of the runaway flowers brush against his nose, and he was overcome by a sneezing fit, nearly dropping the whole bunch.

"Bless you," Lovino said, with that little, crooked smile that escaped onto his lips whenever he was particularly amused.

Somehow, Antonio managed to get the flowers in place, straightening and stretching his arms. It had been a very long day, and his body was getting tired of doing nothing but minor chores. Honestly, how could _not_ doing anything put so much strain on his body?

"You came to see me?" he asked hopefully, noticing the way Lovino blushed slightly, glancing away and nonchalantly walking up to a row of flowers, as if he had a purpose for his visit.

"No, I just ran all the way through the fucking rain just to buy a stupid flower," came the sarcastic reply, as the Italian's hands buried themselves into the pocket of his pants. He was dressed rather formally, just like the first day he appeared in the store. Antonio figured it was his work attire. Glancing down at his own apron over a pair of baggy jeans and an old shirt, he couldn't help but smile at the differences in appearances.

Smiling, he looked back up at Lovino. "This brings back some memories," he said, skipping over to the other, and brushing some rain off of the auburn strands of hair, which were predictably starting to curl a bit. Perhaps he should ask the other to give up his futile attempts at straightening his hair; he quite liked the ruffled look these curls gave him. To his pleasant surprise, Lovino didn't draw away from the contact, though he did blush a deeper shade of pink than before.

"Heh, some memories... don't remember much going right the first time I came here," he muttered under his breath, shaking his head as if trying to will the memories out of his head.

"I wouldn't say that; it made me meet you! I think that makes it qualify as a very good memory." Antonio couldn't resist the temptation, quickly placing a chaste kiss on the other's blushing cheek.

"B-bastard..." Lovino stuttered, but Antonio could tell it was just another empty curse, because he still wasn't shying away, despite the fact that Antonio had invaded his personal space by a great deal.

"It was a really pleasant surprise that you came here! Have you been at work?"

"Yeah..."

"Finished early? I thought you normally worked longer days," Antonio smiled as he walked over to the tulip bin, continuing his abandoned task of transferring the flowers into the new bin, though his attention was still on Lovino, who was now looking around the store, looking more relaxed than Antonio had seen him in a long time. Perhaps it was the magical charm of flowers? Or perhaps it was the charming florist? He chuckled inwardly at this, a slight blush touching his cheeks at the thought of Lovino coming all the way just to see him.

"My work days vary," came the soft-spoken reply, as Lovino's hand gently touched the blue petals of one of the flowers. Antonio couldn't help but admire the genuine gentleness the Italian had when dealing with the plants. He hadn't struck him like the gardening type of person, but then again; he was a man of many surprises. Antonio was just happy to learn new traits and details about the other, no matter how small and insignificant they might seem.

"Really? So... what _do_ you work with, anyway?" Antonio truly hoped he didn't sound as curious as he felt. Lovino tensed only for a second, glancing at Antonio before turning back to the plants.

"Some business marketing stuff."

It wasn't that detailed an explanation, not in the least, but Antonio still felt a bit more light hearted at the new discovery.

"And here I thought you were a secret agent or something!"

"Right, the business marketing stuff is just a facade... although, now that you found out, I'm afraid I'll have to kill you." Their eyes met, and while Lovino's voice was dead serious, there was a certain glint in those golden eyes that gave away his amusement.

"Now, that would have been sad," Antonio laughed. "Seriously, though, you never spoke of your job before, what was I supposed to think?"

"Don't ask me, I don't understand what's going on in that airhead of yours."

"The thought of you being a walking billboard did strike me, though."

"Being a secret agent sounded a lot cooler."

"You'd make a super-cute walking billboard!"

"Oh, shut up."

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><p>Time seemed to move a lot quicker with Lovino around, and before he knew it, his work day had passed. Antonio was happy when he could take of the work-apron and pull on his jacket, skipping back out to where Lovino was waiting. The Italian didn't say anything, looking torn between hesitation and embarrassment.<p>

"Want to go get something to eat?" Antonio noticed how the other relaxed at his suggestion, possibly relieved that he wouldn't have to come up with a way of asking Antonio out. It was evident that this had been his intention during most of the visit.

"Whatever."

Antonio responded with a grin, latching on to the other's hand as they headed out the door.

"Then I know the perfect place! It's not far, just follow me!" and with that he chuckled, as he ran off through the rain that somehow didn't bother him at all. All he could notice was their fingers intertwining.

They hadn't run far, before he pulled them both inside the small, cosy café he'd found some time ago. He sometimes went there after work, to get a quick bite before heading home. Despite the fact that it wasn't too far a distance from the store to the café, they were both dripping with rain by the time they arrived. Lovino grumbled, attempting to straighten his curls with a comical half-grimace.

Antonio only grinned, as they were still holding hands, and Lovino was making no attempt to break the contact, despite the fact that they were in public. From previous experiences, it had become quite obvious that the Italian man wasn't all that fond of public affection. Not that there were a lot of customers at the café at the moment.

A few people sat located in the sitting booths or at the bar counter. Lovino's eyes flickered around to take in the atmosphere of the café, and Antonio could tell he liked the place. It was hard not to like it, really. With its wooden furniture, old-fashioned chandeliers and soft lighting, it had a somehow homey feel to it. The soft tunes emitting from the speakers on the wall, added to the atmosphere. Sometimes, there would be karaoke nights there, and there was a piano standing at small stage area, which was at times used for live music. Antonio wondered silently if he could ever convince Lovino to sink karaoke sometime... that would have been fun!

"Come on," he encouraged, lightly pulling Lovino over to the counter, where the owner of the café was standing, chatting lightly with a guy sitting by the counter. She looked up when they came up to her and gave a bright smile.

"Antonio! Good to see you again. I see you're not accompanied by that annoying Frenchman today, how nice!" She still smiled sweetly, but Antonio could tell she was sincerely glad Francis wasn't there. No wonder either, last time he'd shamelessly hit on her, until she _hit_ him. Quite literarily so.

"Buenas tardes, Elizaveta!" Antonio greeted her in return. "No, I doubt Francis will come here for some time." While Francis wasn't known for being easily subdued, Elizaveta had a nasty skill with her frying pan. The young woman was normally mild-mannered, but with quite a temper if you just knew how to set her off.

"But who is this?" she cocked her head, looking at Lovino who was still standing a bit behind Antonio, clearly a bit shy, but hiding it under a nonchalant mask.

"Oh, this is my boyfriend, Lovino!" Predictably, Lovino blushed darkly, glaring at him for being so blunt. Ok, so he felt proud to call the other his boyfriend, was that such a bad thing? The prospect of them being together was still unfamiliar, and some days he wondered if Lovino even agreed. They'd never officially decided to call themselves a couple, after all.

"Aw, I knew it, you two are so cute together!" Elizaveta grinned, and leaned over the counter, holding out a hand. "Hi, I'm Elizaveta. Very nice to meet you, Lovino!" Lovino took her hand and shook it hesitantly.

"You look like a tomato, Lovi!" Antonio couldn't help himself, pinching the Italian's cheek good-naturedly.

"Shut it, bastard," he got in return, along with a sharp poke in his side.

"So, what can I do for you lover boys?" Elizaveta smiled.

"Oh, right! Um, I think I'll have your famous hot chocolate – you should try it, Lovi, it's delicious!"

"I'll have one too, then," Lovino murmured, strangely enough looking quite at ease, despite his previous embarrassment.

They ordered some food to go with the hot liquid, and took seat in one of the booths, looking out on the dreary weather. It was quiet, but not uncomfortably so, and both of them relaxed into their seats, enjoying the peaceful mood lingering about the café.

"Say..." Lovino's voice was quiet, hesitant, and he seemed somewhat lost in thought.

"Hm?" Antonio encouraged softly as the other paused. Lovino seemed to consider how to voice his thoughts, and when he eventually spoke, his voice was barely audible.

"If... if you managed to upset someone you... cared a lot about. What would you do?" The Italian refused to look at him. Antonio guessed this was a personal question, but he was willing to bet a lot that the other hoped he'd let it pass as a rhetorical one.

"Depending on their personality... I'd apologize as many times as needed, and I would do my best not to repeat whatever I did. Oh... and I'd buy flowers, I think."

Antonio realized that Lovino was watching him intently now, and there was a strange expression lingering in his eyes.

"You can say a lot with flowers, you know," Antonio meant to smile, but his thoughts had travelled to the rather uncomfortable incident earlier.

"Flowers are deceptive..."

Antonio wanted to ask what the other meant by that, but quickly chose not to when he took notice of the dark expression that had touched his eyes. Somehow, it reminded Antonio of the emotions he'd felt that morning when the lily had been presented to him. Only more spooked.

"Not all of them," he said instead, smiling softly. And just like that, the expression was gone and Lovino's shoulders relaxed slightly.

"I suppose flowers could be a nice thing..."

"I could help you pick some good ones, you know," Antonio smiled, and Lovino blushed, looking like he wanted to protest that it had in fact been a rhetorical statement, and that he wasn't intending to apologize to his brother. His smile softened at this. His little Lovino could be so adorable; acting all tough when he really cared a lot for his brother.

"Whatever... bastard." But it was as clear as day that he was thankful for the offered help. At least to Antonio it was. He was beginning to get very familiar with his boyfriend's ways, and somehow the Italian didn't seem quite as hard to read as before.

His boyfriend. That word, which made his heart flutter. That word, which made him feel all mushy inside, as though his intestines had turn into jelly. That word, which made him feel shy and insecure. He often found himself wondering if it meant as much to Lovino, and the thought that this might not be the case was quite unnerving.

Deeply lost in his thoughts, he watched as Elizaveta came over to them, putting the food and hot chocolate from her tray and onto the table. He could see her and Lovino chatting a bit, though the words were lost on him. All he could do, was drown in the beauty of the man in front of him, taking note of tiny details that usually went lost on him.

The uncertain look in those golden eyes, betraying his mask of confidence. The defined, yet soft features of his face. The way the sharp tip of his nose pointed just slightly upwards in the cutest way. The way his lips would move aside to show a row of pearly teeth when he spoke...

"-tonio?" Blinking out of his thoughts, he realized that Lovino was eying him with a raised eyebrow, obviously feeling self-conscious due to Antonio's intense gaze. Elizaveta was gone, and Lovino had clearly caught him staring. Suddenly, his words somewhat registered in Antonio's dazed mind, and he felt his heart speed up.

"W-what did you call me?"

"Antonio?" Lovino was clearly confused now, probably questioning the Spaniard's sanity. And for a good reason to, as it wasn't exactly normal to react that way to the mere mention of a name. "That _is_ your name, isn't it?"

"Yeah, but... That's the first time you called me by my name!" It might be a silly thing, but Antonio was positive he could have died happy right there and then, just from hearing his name coming from Lovino's lips.

"Oh..." Lovino looked a bit put off at this, and it looked like he was wondering whether to feel guilty for not having called him by his name even once, or happy that Antonio even noticed.

"Say it again?" Antonio eyed him hopefully.

Lovino looked at him, both eyebrows raised now, though he did comply. "Antonio..." Dear God, the way his slight Italian accent affected the pronunciation sounded like music in the Spaniard's ears, and he grinned.

"Again."

"Antonio."

"Again?"

"You are so fucking weird... Antonio."

"Ag-"

"No, damn it! Jeez, get over it already..." Antonio smiled brightly, but didn't push the matter further. Besides, if Lovino had uttered the name even one more time with that adorable blush of his, Antonio might just have forgotten about the hot chocolate and sandwich, opting for a taste of Italian instead. He had no doubts Elizaveta wouldn't mind, being the hopeless romantic that she was. He also had no doubts that Lovino would probably weaken – if not destroy – his ability to have children, before leaving in a cloud of profanities.

"Sorry," he smiled, and things fell quiet again, as they ate in peace.

Neither of the two noticed the shadow across the street, leaning against a brick wall and eying them from the shadow of his hood. Blowing a small string of smoke, the figure threw the cigarette stump to the ground, crushing it effectively with the heel of his boot. The next moment, he had left, disappearing into the thin crowd of people rushing through the rain.

If it hadn't been for the rain clouding their vision, people might have rushed to get out of his path upon noticing the icy expression in his dark eyes, which in turn were untouched by the smile playing at his lips.

oOo

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><p><em>Thanks for reading! If you could leave me a comment telling me what you thought of this, I'd be really happy~ ^^<em>

_Buenas tardes – Good afternoon (Spanish)_


	8. Chapter 7

_I decided to post another chapter this week, as a Christmas present for you all ^^ Enjoy! Oh, and Merry Christmas!_

oOo

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><p>He had meant to follow Antonio's advice and buy some flowers for Feliciano. However, the idea had gotten lost as they had been absorbed in a discussion on gardening, of all things. Of course, saying that he regretted not buying flowers would be a bit of a lie. It wasn't like he hated flowers... It was the language of flowers he didn't care much for.<p>

In turn, he now entered their house, after standing fifteen minutes or so thinking of something to say. He felt terrible about last night – he'd upset his brother greatly. Of course, if it had been him, he'd be horrified to hear that his brother had such dark and sad thoughts too. Feliciano had taken it badly, somehow thinking that he was at fault for not noticing. Then he had grown angry, which didn't happen too often. Lovino assumed it was merely an alternative reaction of stress and hurt, and he didn't really blame him.

Despite the fact that his intentions had only been to protect his brother from his own depressing mind-set, he had somehow managed to forget the fact that Feliciano was no longer a little child that he had to protect from the harsh reality. Feliciano hated it when people hid things from him, "protecting" him. Lovino should have known. Should have trusted him more.

Still, trusting anyone at all – even his very own brother – wasn't quite as easy as it might sound. Not when he couldn't even trust himself.

Stepping inside, he listened closely, trying to locate his brother. Everything was silent, and there were no lights on either. Hesitantly making his way to the kitchen, he wasn't too surprised to see a note on the table. After that argument, he had expected as much.

Feliciano would spend some time at Ludwig's house, and he didn't know when he'd be back. That was all it said. No smiley face like he used to doddle in normally. No exclamation marks. No overly long and rambling sentences. Just a simple message.

Lovino sank down on a kitchen chair with a sigh, the previous joy from spending time with Antonio sinking into the pit of his stomach like a bundle of lead. Well, it was a good thing he didn't buy those flowers after all, then. Leaning back over the back of the chair, he let his eyes travel up and down the pattern of the ceiling, in a feeble attempt at focusing on something other than his own thoughts. Of course, the thoughts still forced their way into his mind, nagging at him.

As he tried to throw these thoughts away, a specific one suddenly struck him as odd, and he tensed a bit. Had Feliciano really been so angry and upset that he'd forgotten to lock the door? Sure, he could be quite careless, but he never forgot something that important. Despite the fact that it was a quiet, calm neighbour-hood, Lovino was very cautious about such things, and Feliciano knew this better than anyone.

Straightening from his slumped position, he glanced around the room. He couldn't help but feel strangely anxious, standing from his chair and feeling as though the air in the room had grown thick and heavy for no apparent reason. The next moment, however, he gave a shaky half-smile, trying to calm himself. It was probably just paranoia deriving from the lifeless atmosphere the house had when Feliciano wasn't there to make home-made pasta or play on his guitar. Feliciano was forgetful of nature; he had just forgotten the door when leaving, that was all. It could happen to anyone.

Sighing and shaking off his nerves, Lovino fetched a cup of coffee before making his way upstairs to his study to get some work done. Once up, something alerted his attention, however. The door to his room was open, and for some reason the light had been switched on. Surely he had turned it off that morning before going to work...? And Feliciano rarely entered his room when he wasn't home.

Swallowing, he walked over, trying to be braver than he felt. Once there, he hesitated for a moment, before pushing the door further open ever so slowly. His heart beat quickly, apparently having moved up into his throat... but there was nothing there. The room was as empty as it had been that morning, the only difference being the light.

Glancing around with a frown, he was about to turn off the light, when something made him freeze. On the bed, hardly noticeable and looking quite innocent was a flower. A tuberose to be exact, resting peacefully on his pillow.

Lovino's eyes flickered around, as his breath came in ragged, shallow gasps, close to hyperventilating. Backing away from the door to his bed room, until his back hit the wall at the opposite side of the hall way, he felt terribly vulnerable. He knew that flower and what it symbolized – it was thoroughly engraved into his memory.

"Oh God, no..." he breathed, looking around wildly, expecting _him_ to be there, somewhere, watching and calculating with those dark eyes of his. He had been so sure that he'd never have to see that man again. Had been so sure that he was rid of him for good.

"Hello...?" he called out to the silent house, not sure what he expected really. Silence was the only answer he got, and there were no signs of anyone being in the building apart from himself. He stood there for a long time, losing track of time as he focused on just listening intently, as if expecting an attack out of thin air. When his phone began ringing where it was buried in his pocket, he let out a strangled cry, positive that he'd just had a minor heart attack.

Fishing out the cell phone with fingers that were shaking so badly that he nearly dropped the device, he looked at the caller-ID, letting out the breath he hadn't been aware that he'd been holding. Pushing the call button and holding the phone to his ear, he cleared his throat.

"H-hello?" Damn, he'd tried so hard not to stutter.

"Lovino? Am I interrupting?" Alfred's ever-cheerful voice sounded more welcome than anything at the moment, and Lovino relaxed despite himself, as if that voice held some sort of magic charm.

"N-no, not at all! I... I just came home," he said, and knew that he definitely shouldn't be sounding so happy to hear from the American. It wasn't like him to be so open, usually he'd have his professional mask on the moment he saw who was calling.

"Dude, you ok?" Apparently, Alfred was a bit surprised by this change of character as well, sounding a bit confused at the other end of the line.

"Of course I am, why?" Crap, he didn't mean for that to come out so defensive. Any intelligent person would know that defensiveness was an evident proof of a lie.

"Well, you sound kind of shaken," came the easy reply, and Alfred actually sounded worried. Well, wasn't that nice of him, caring for the man who'd only given him sarcasm, irritation and cold stares ever since they met. Well, except perhaps for a few of the moments where he almost felt he could trust the other as a friend.

"No, I'm fine, really. So, uh... why are you calling?" As he had his doubts that the obvious change of subject would work, he was relieved when the other didn't question him further. As it turned out, Alfred had just called because of some questions about work-related stuff. It proved to be the distraction Lovino needed to calm down a bit, and gave him the courage to enter his bed room and throw the hated flower in the garbage bin, along with its symbolization; a promise of something _dangerous_ heading his way.

While talking to Alfred, he checked the remaining rooms on the second floor, and then on the first floor, finding the house to be blissfully empty. Perhaps it was just a coincidence. Perhaps everything would be all right after all.

"Thanks a bunch, man, those papers really bothered me," Alfred said gratefully, just as Lovino locked the front door securely and was able to feel a slight sense of peace again.

"Nessun problema, Alfred," In his mind, he was thanking the other as well, though he didn't voice his gratitude due to the fact that the other would have no idea why he was being thanked. There was a pause, but then Alfred spoke again.

"Seriously, dude... you're freaking me out a bit here. You're both using my first name, and switching back to Italian from time to time... you only do that when you're stressed out." Lovino was a bit taken aback by the fact that Alfred had noticed such a detail about his personality.

"I'm just a bit tired," he countered the concern, not wanting to cause anyone to worry needlessly. "I'll be fine."

"If you say so..." another pause, before the American spoke again, clearly a bit embarrassed but at the same time sincere. "You know... you can just call me again if something's bothering you, ok?" Lovino wasn't entirely sure how to respond to that, feeling oddly touched at the sentiment.

"I... I appreciate that, Alfred..." he managed to get out after a while, rather awkwardly. Honestly, he wasn't used to such signs of friendship, and thus wasn't sure what would be the proper response. That's why he figured honesty was his safest bet.

"Ok. I guess I'll see you later, then!" he could hear the smile in the other's voice. "Bye, Lovino!"

"Yes... ciao."

And when he hung up, despite the fact that the house was still eerily silent, he didn't feel quite as anxious as before, as he once again headed upstairs to start doing some work to get his mind of things.

oOo

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><p>Days passed without anything significant happening, and Lovino managed to push the fear into the back of his consciousness, even if he couldn't rid himself of it completely. Feliciano still hadn't come home, although he had given a brief call just to say that he was all right. Lovino had been unable to say much at the time, and the apology had died on his lips when the other hung up again. Feliciano had sounded like it really tore him up inside to do this. It was obviously something he felt he had to do, though. Lovino could understand, somewhat.<p>

That didn't make it easier to bear, though. His brother's attitude hurt him. The two of them had always been close, and while they often bantered and argued, they cared a lot about each other. Lovino loved his brother like no other. For that reason, he was ashamed to say that he was also afraid because of him. Afraid _of_ him. Gradually after his brother had been born, when he was around three years old, his parents began favouring their youngest child. Of course it had confused and hurt Lovino deeply when his own parents, who had loved him so much, suddenly began loving someone else more. That his own parents began comparing him to someone he could never compete with.

He supposed that's when he became a "trouble child". No matter what he did, it never seemed to be enough, and so he gave up in a sense. When he couldn't get their attention and affection by doing small kind things like picking flowers for his mother, or polishing his father's shoes, he began doing bad things. He "accidentally" destroyed vases, refused to do chores and even picked up on the swear words of the older kids in the neighbourhood.

Yet, it only served to earn him cold looks, punishments, and nasty arguments with both parents. He began feeling like his they had abandoned him in favour of his younger brother, who was always the sweet and cute one. Fuelled by his futile attempts at mending things, that pain in turn changed into anger and distrust, and ended in tragedy...

"Hey, what's up?" Lovino startled out of his thoughts, glancing at Antonio. They had decided to go surfing again, as Lovino had found that the hobby was something he could easily come to love. He also needed the distraction, as the solitude at the house when he wasn't working was making it far too easy to slip into old habits of melancholy and depression. Antonio had been overjoyed when Lovino suggested surfing, apparently surprised but happy that Lovino made the first move for once.

"Oh... I just remembered something I'd rather not think about," Lovino sighed in response, grabbing the surf board after adjusting his wet suit and heading for the waves. Antonio nodded in understanding, following him.

"Well, nothing like the waves under the board and some sea water in your hair to forget about your worries and troubles," the Spaniard smiled, and Lovino nodded in agreement. The activity really did make a splendid medicine against depressing thoughts.

It was a very nice day, though a little chilly due to the winds, and the clouds that was hiding the sun from view most of the time. The crisp air served as a reminder of the colder and darker season that was rapidly approaching. Lovino wasn't all that fond of autumn and winter, finding that the dark of the seasons easily brought out dark thoughts. On the other hand, the fact that autumn was creeping closer with every passing day, also meant that he and Antonio had been dating for some time now. This meant that their relationship was gradually turning into something that couldn't just be called a "passing flirt".

But he didn't suggest this trip to think, but to just relax and try to have fun. At the moment, he was feeling calmer than he had in days, paddling a bit further away from the beach. Sure, his skills at the board were still rather weak, but he was getting the hang of it, and enjoyed the tingling sensation in his stomach when a wave rushed him forward. If he could fly, he imagined it would feel somewhat like this.

Part of the fun in going surfing with Antonio, was admittedly to watch the Spaniard surf the waves easily, as if he'd been born on a surf board. The well-toned body easily swayed in perfect balance with the water's movement, and the look of absolute joy and relaxation on his face was priceless. It was also contagious, and Lovino soon found himself smiling as well, forgetting all worries and problems, just like Antonio had predicted.

And the attention he got was wonderful. Antonio always kept an eye out for him, giving him small hints and helping guiding to improve his surfing skills, and asking if he was all right when a particularly nasty fall made him come up spluttering and coughing. He loathed admitting it, but the affection in those green eyes made him feel extremely thankful, though to whom he didn't know.

"You're really getting the hang of this, Lovi!" Antonio called. "You look super elegant!" he blew a kiss from where he was resting on his board a bit away, and Lovino blushed heavily, losing his balance as the words distracted him from his concentration. With a gasp, he toppled sideward and felt salty sea water surround him. It wouldn't have been so bad, if the fall hadn't knocked out his breath, leaving him momentarily confused and partially panicked.

Locating the surface, he made his way over to it, only to have a new wave crash on top of him, yet again pushing him under and rolling him around like a rag doll. Glancing around wildly, he could see his surfing board, by following the string attached to his ankle, swimming towards it and coming up coughing harshly, sucking in sweet air.

It was only now that he realized he had drifted a lot further out from land that he had intended, and Antonio looked so far away. He could still see the worried expression on his face, however.

"You ok?" he heard him shout, and cleared his throat to gather his voice again.

"Yeah!" he called back, despite the slight fear he felt at being this far out. He was by no means afraid of water, and trusted in his own swimming abilities, but even he knew the dangers of the luring sea, and did have a healthy dose of respect for it.

Frowning ever so slightly, he analyzed the waves, moving his board to catch the streams moving towards the beach. Swimming against the waves would be foolish, after all, and he liked to think he wasn't a fool. Noticing a particularly large wave, he swallowed worriedly, but even so moved determinedly to stand on his board, just as the wave grabbed hold of it.

Using all the skills he had learned, and all the steel-control he had on his emotions, he nearly held his breath as he was carried closer to the beach. It was a thrilling experience, and suddenly he felt completely in tune with the sea, as if he was part of the blue masses. Unable to help himself, he felt his face crack into a large, sincere grin, as he was washed up on the sea, tripping and falling into the mushy sand.

"Shit, Lovi...!" Antonio was next to him in a hurry, pale and clearly worried. His expression turned to bewilderment, however, when Lovino laughed. "Are you all right? That was one huge wave...!"

"Actually, I don't think I've been this good for a long time...!" Lovino exclaimed, and he meant it. Despite the fear and the very real danger of being swept off by some current out to the open sea, and despite the fact that he'd just ridden a wave that by any means should have been too big for him to handle, he felt amazing.

"Jeez... don't scare me like that," Antonio plopped into the sand beside him, with a shaky smile. Then a strange expression crossed his eyes. "I have to admit, though... you looked really hot riding that wave." A smirk crossed his features, and Lovino met his gaze, unfamiliar emotions pooling in the pit of his stomach like a small fire of sorts.

When Antonio leaned forward, he didn't know what came over him, but he leaned into the approaching contact, letting their lips meet. It wasn't like the other brief, chaste kisses they had shared until now. This time it was slow, deliberate. Antonio's tongue brushed against his lips, and they parted easily to let the Spaniard deepen the kiss. It was a bit clumsy at first, but they soon got more into it, and the uncertainty eventually faded away.

Time seemed to stand still and he hardly noticed that his hands were in Antonio's hair, and the Spaniard's hands were on his face, caressing softly as Lovino's eyes shut and he allowed himself to get lost in the firework of warmth exploding through his body. It was unlike anything he'd ever felt, and he just wanted to be as close to the other as he physically could. There was something safe and secure about the Spaniard's strong yet gentle hands as they moved across his face, neck and body, hesitant, but at the same time eager.

When they broke apart, Antonio was blushing in an adorable way, and Lovino felt rather warm himself. This certainly was nothing like the earlier kisses, and it was something new and scary, yet exhilarating at the same time. It felt like it was something forbidden, and dear God, he wanted more of it.

"Wow..." Antonio breathed, eyes slightly glazed over as he licked his lips subconsciously. He looked absolutely gorgeous at the moment, and Lovino knew he really should be more careful. His determination to hide behind his masks was rapidly faltering, however. This green-eyed man was pulling him out of his protective, isolated world, and seemed to be doing it without any efforts at all.

With an unexpected bout of courage he wasn't aware he had, he leaned forward, capturing the Spaniard's lips again, and the other man wasn't slow to respond. Before long, they were both utterly lost in the moment, and Lovino successfully pushed all fear and hesitation away, if only for a short while.

As it turned out, surfing wasn't the only thing to help get his mind of his worries, and he found that if he had to pick either of the two options, he had no doubts as to what he would choose.

oOo

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><p><em>I hope you liked it! I'd be really happy to hear what you thought of it! ^^<em>

_Nessun problema – No problem (Italian)_


	9. Chapter 8

_Here's a new chapter for you all. I hope you'll enjoy it! Thanks for reading, and happy new year! ^^_

oOo

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><p>When Lovino asked him if they could go to the beach that day, he never expected things to turn out like that. Not that he was complaining, oh hell no. Sure, he'd heard of how kissing someone could erase all time and space, but he'd never really believed it. Now, however, if he heard someone say that, he'd whole-heartedly agree.<p>

They never went any further than kissing, however, still taking things at a relatively slow pace, but that kiss... it had given him new trust in their relationship. It was a reminder that things were progressing between them, and it wasn't just a one-sided thing on his behalf. At least that kiss had definitely not been one-sided, he thought with a dazed smile.

When they had finished kissing, they just sat there on the beach for a while, talking about things. Really talking, not only about light topics, but also more serious things that Antonio had started to believe he'd never hear Lovino talk about. It was a small step, of course, but it was a beginning.

Feliciano had apparently left the house for a while, because he was upset with Lovino. Antonio had a feeling there was a deeper reason than just the incident on the beach earlier, but he didn't question it because it was clearly a sore subject. Lovino had also mentioned as they came upon the subject "family" that his parents were dead, and that the house had belonged to their grandfather before he too passed away, leaving the house to them. This subject seemed even more fragile, and it was obvious that Lovino was only touching the surface of it, but it was start. Antonio in turn told the other that he was an orphan, and spoke of some of the hardships he'd met throughout the years.

Lovino had eyed him with compassion and sadness at the time, but it wasn't like the pity a lot of people gave him upon finding out about it. And then he'd simply taken his hand, holding it in his own. Antonio found that he really enjoyed the rare moments where Lovino would throw away his masks for a while and just be there in the moment with him. It seemed to happen more and more often, however, and for this Antonio was extremely happy.

They parted only when the weather turned steadily colder as the afternoon moved into evening, which in turn moved into early night. That night was the first time Antonio really hadn't wanted to part from the other. He couldn't quite explain it, but it might because of the look in Lovino's eyes when he dropped him off at his house. It was like he was nervous to enter his own home, and that unnerved the Spaniard.

But they had parted, and time and space had been restored yet again as Antonio was forced to head back to reality. Of course, reality wasn't so bad now that he felt that something deeper was starting to form between them. And as they say; absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Reality included going back to work, but he found that focusing wasn't exactly easy, as thoughts of the kiss and the talk they had on the beach kept resurfacing whenever he should be doing something else. Like paying attention to the customers, for example...

"You look happy, young man," he blinked out of his thoughts, looking at the elderly woman who was currently looking at some potted plants. She smiled, shaking her head as if berating herself. "Pardon me. I just find that a lot of youngsters these days look far too solemn and bored." She chuckled a bit at herself, and Antonio smiled back at her. She was a rather cute old lady, with lots of wrinkles, particularly around her eyes. It gave her a kind appearance, and he found himself relaxing after the initial surprise.

"I am happy," he replied, "and if other people my age are unable to be happy, then I can't help but feel sorry for them." The old lady chuckled again at this, nodding in agreement. Things fell quiet for a bit, as she moved over to another shelf. Then she glanced back at him with a knowing expression.

"It is love, isn't it?" she said with a wink, and he blushed slightly at this, slightly startled at her direct statement and wondering if it really was that obvious. She seemed to notice his surprise. "Oh, I have lived a long time, young man. And have seen that look in people's eyes more times than I care to remember."

Antonio gave a small smile, feeling a bit shy. "Well..." he said, clearing his throat when his voice came out as a bit unsteady, "I'm not sure yet if it's love, but..."

"You hope it will grow into love with time?"

He blushed a bit harder, but smiled. Yes, he definitely hoped it could grow into something as wonderful as love. The woman seemed to decide on one of the plants, a thin and forlorn little thing, bringing it over to the counter.

"My mother always used to say that love is like a plant. It starts out as a seed, and it may take a long time, but if given enough time and care, it might grow into a large, wonderful tree. Its base might be thin to begin with, but it will still take a lot to rip it up or break it down completely."

What was it with old people always having something wise and deep to say...? Antonio wondered silently if he'd be like that when he grew old – giving love advice to younger people. It was an amusing thought.

"Then I hope this... whatever we have, can grow into a large oak tree or something," he smiled sincerely, wrapping the plant in with care.

"Oh, it will, if you both wishes it strongly enough. You'll see." She winked again, and fetched her wallet to pay.

"You know what? I'll give you a discount, as a thank you," now it was Antonio's time to wink, and she chuckled.

"It was no trouble at all, dear. You are too kind..."

"I insist." He looked around for a moment, whispering secretively, "but don't tell anyone, or I'll be having loads of elderly señoras coming to give me advice," She laughed heartily at this, as she paid for the plant.

"My lips are sealed," she smiled.

"Thank you for coming, and have a good day, señora," Antonio greeted, and she gave a warm wave in return, leaving with a smile on her lips. He always liked when customers left with a smile, it made his day somewhat brighter in a strange way. Due to his contagious mood, it seemed as if people found it hard _not_ to smile upon leaving this particular day, and by the end of his work day he couldn't help but think that there was something in that saying; Smile to the world, and the world smiles with you. The saying had quite an optimistic view on things, which suited him well.

* * *

><p>The bell, which seemed to be quite busy today, with all the customers, sounded again and made Antonio look up from where he was rearranging some of the plants further back in the store. Dusting his hands off on the apron, he quickly made his way over to the front to greet whoever it was. When he noticed who the customer was, he felt a wave of uncertainty and surprise.<p>

"So we meet again, Feliciano wasn't it?" he smiled, as the Italian looked up in surprise, a strange expression flickering across his honey-coloured eyes before he smiled brightly.

"Ciao!" he greeted, and while he looked happy enough, the voice had a slightly more hollow sound to it than it had that day at the beach. "Nice to meet you again, Antonio." Something looked a bit off about him, and Antonio came to the conclusion that it was because of whatever argument he and Lovino had that caused him to leave the house.

"Are you looking for something in particular?" Antonio asked, hoping to break the slightly uncertain pause that lingered in the air. Feliciano, who had looked lost in thoughts for a moment, blinked and gave a thoughtful "hm".

"Well, I..." he broke off with a slight blush, shuffling his feet ever so slightly. "I wanted to buy something for Lovino... I feel horrible for doing this." He bit his lip, and really did look like he felt horrible. Antonio felt a wave of sympathy for the siblings wash over him. Here they were; both of them sad and both wanted to apologize to the other. Somehow, he wished they could have known that their thoughts and intentions were similar and become friends again.

"I see. So, are you interested in the language of flowers, or did you just wish for something simple but pretty?"

"I'm not sure," Feliciano said quietly, looking thoughtful for a moment, "fratello doesn't really like the meaning of flowers, but... Well, I want to show him flowers can mean good things too." That sentence easily brought out Antonio's curiosity and filled him with questions.

"Good things... too?" he couldn't help but voice his thoughts, but regretted it when Feliciano got a look of regret signalling that he probably hadn't meant to let that bit of information slip.

"Um... so do you have any suggestions?" Changing the subject now, was he? Despite the curiosity, Antonio allowed the subject to be changed, wondering briefly if Lovino had had some bad experience with the flower symbolism. It could make sense, he though, thinking back to their conversation at Elizaveta's café. Antonio shoved these thoughts away for a moment, focusing on his task of helping Feliciano.

"Well, what about Chrysanthemums?" he suggested mildly. "They're pretty, and would symbolize optimism, as well as tell him that he's a wonderful friend to you." Antonio smiled, and Feliciano looked thoughtful for a moment before smiling more sincerely and nodding.

"I think that would be good," he murmured, and Antonio helped him pick out an assortment of red, white and yellow flowers, wrapping them in gently and naming the prize, which Feliciano quickly paid. He looked more happy now, yet nervous at the same time. Antonio didn't blame him. Apologizing and facing something painful was always difficult.

"Can I ask you something?" the young man asked after a while, holding the flowers carefully. His expression had turned strangely serious. Antonio couldn't help but think that this was a man who was born to smile, because despite the fact that they had only met briefly once before, he thought that the serious expression was somewhat unfitting. It made him look older and sadder than he should be, which was a bit worrying.

"Um... Sure." He waited attentively as the other turned his gaze to meet his own. There was something in the Italian's eyes that made it seem like the rest of the world slowed down. The shop seemed unimportant, as if time itself had frozen. When he spoke, the tone of his voice was a far cry from the cheerful, bubbly tone it was before.

"What exactly is it you want from my brother?" The question was surprising, although, thinking back on it, Antonio should have expected something like this. Brothers did tend to worry about each other, after all, it was only natural. Even so, the way the question was formulated seemed kind of peculiar.

"I..." His voice trailed off uncertainly. It was hard to come up with a definite answer to a question like that, particularly on the spot like this. Thoughts immediately began whirling around at a confusing speed, and he began chewing on his lower lip in thought. What _did_ he want from Lovino...?

He thought back to the first time he'd seen him – and heard him sing –, and the way he had felt this unreasonable connection with the man, as if they were tied together somehow. Then they met again, and began meeting regularly. At first, he had been intrigued and fascinated by the other, but as time passed, he had grown to despise the times when they were apart, and had began cherishing every single second they spent together, whether it was just being together in the flower store, surfing or... His thoughts flew to the kiss the other day, and the heat rose in his cheeks.

"Would you hurt him?" Feliciano apparently decided to rephrase his question, possibly seeing how Antonio found it difficult to answer the first one.

"No!" Now, that was a question he didn't even have to think about before answering. The answer came as a pure reflex. "Well, of course I can't promise I won't hurt him in some way, at some point – I'm only human, and humans tend to hurt each other, whether they mean it or not, but..." he looked up at Feliciano, meeting his eyes and hoping the honesty shone through, "but I would never hurt him intentionally!" The Italian eyed him for a moment, head cocked ever so slightly to the side.

"Would you leave him?" he asked, that intense look still adorning his face. It felt to Antonio as if he was being interrogated by some intimidating authority figure; quite ironic in fact, when Feliciano was as far from such a figure as one could get, both in looks and personality.

This was yet another question Antonio didn't have an immediate reply to. The thought of leaving the other simply hadn't crossed his mind before – their relationship, however short it had been, had grown to become something safe and stable in his life, something he had come to accept as a fact. Considering the question, he was almost startled to notice the way his heart ached at the thought of leaving his little, grumpy Italian.

"No. Not unless he wanted me to..." he concluded eventually, praying that such a horrible time would never come. If Lovino asked him to leave, meaning it with all his heart, he knew he would have no choice but to comply, as the last thing he wanted was to make the other unhappy.

"Do you love him?" This question was quieter than the others, almost hesitant, and Antonio felt his heart leap at yet another mention of that word. Love was a strong word. A word he had close to no experience with – at least when it came to the kind of love Feliciano was referring to.

Had they been together for long enough to make such a claim reasonable? _No_... Did he even know what such a word meant? _No_... Yet, despite all logic, the realization hit him like an explosion, straight in the chest in a way that knocked his breath out of his lungs for a moment.

"Yes..." he breathed, and knew that his tone of voice was enough evidence for the fact that this was new information even for him. "I... I do love him!" And Feliciano smiled suddenly, this smile reaching his eyes and lighting up his entire face. Yes, he was definitely one of the people who were born to smile.

"Then I'll trust you on that, Antonio," he simply said. The moment was broken, and it seemed as if the world picked up speed yet again, as the young Italian gave a last good bye, and skipped out of the store. Antonio was left alone in the store, as the bell rung and the door closed, clutching numbly at the counter top, as this was the only thing that wasn't spinning at the moment. His mind had suddenly gone completely blank and his eyes were wide and unseeing as he gazed into thin air.

"I... love him..." It was a scary thought, but at the same time he silently wondered how he could have doubted the fact before. Just a short while earlier, he'd been chatting with that old lady, saying that it wasn't love yet. Perhaps it was one of those plants that were super fast at growing, suddenly springing up during the night? Perhaps their "love tree" had grown a lot bigger than he had first seen, or maybe his fear and hesitation had simply blinded him?

There was no hesitation now, though. As a matter of fact, he'd never been more sure about anything in a long time. And, thinking back to that kiss, and the incredible expression lingering in those golden eyes, when they sat there on the beach, a hope was growing in his chest. A hope that Lovino returned his feelings, and wished for the tree to grow big, just as much as he did.

oOo

* * *

><p>The love-epiphany had him living in what almost seemed like a dream world, but as the days passed, so did the loveliness of this dream-like existence. It had been days since he and Lovino last talked, and while this wasn't exactly anything to panic over in and of itself, Antonio was starting to grow anxious. He had tried calling his boyfriend several times, but hadn't reached him, whether he called during the day or in the evenings. At first he thought there might be something wrong with his phone - or that he was just insanely busy –, but after a while, his concern began increasing.<p>

At times, when the worry had him chewing his bottom lip to pieces, he had considered paying him a visit. Instead, he always forced himself to calm down, and told himself that there was probably a perfectly logical explanation for all of this. He knew using too much force to contact the other would only serve to drive him away. In that way, their relationship was a bit like horse whispering... He had to tread carefully, and not move forward too quickly, or the other would only get scared again and run away, setting them back in progress. Had to wait for the other to come to him.

By the end of the week since they were on the beach, this approach seemed more and more pointless, however, and his determination and caution was rapidly going down the drain. One day, he therefore decided that when he finished his work day, he'd go for a visit, whether Lovino wanted it or not. If only to just see that he was all right.

That day, people seemed to notice his anxious mood, and the atmosphere in the normally cosy store was tense. Far too lost in his worries, he hardly noticed, and couldn't really find the will to care about it either.

When one of his co-workers finally came to take over the work, he practically tore of his apron in his relief, fetching his things and striding towards the door, steps fuelled by his emotions. After pulling on his rain jacket, he called out a quick good bye, before he ran outside... and promptly collided with something quite solid. Stumbling at the impact, due to his speed, he felt someone grab his wrist to steady him, and looked up. Time suddenly seemed to come to a stop, and his breath caught in his throat when he looked up into a pair of dark eyes gazing coldly down at him. He recognized those eyes, and that little smirk, even if the man's face wasn't shadowed by a hood this time.

"Oh. Excuse me." His voice sounded little like an apology and more like a command to kill, judging by the icy tone.

"Y-you..." was the only word Antonio could get out, wincing as the hold on his wrist suddenly felt a lot harder than it had before.

"Yes, I _am_ me, as strange as that sounds." The stranger's deep voice could possibly have been rather handsome in alluring way, had it not been laced with such obvious venom. It made Antonio's pulse quicken, though he hoped this wasn't terribly obvious to the other man. Narrowing his eyes, he attempted to pull his wrist away as the door shut behind him. The vague sound of the bell inside seemed to snap the other out of it, and he let go of Antonio's wrist. Quickly stepping a few steps away, Antonio tried his best to look brave. He had a sneaking suspicion that he didn't pull that off as well as he'd hoped.

"Why did you leave that flower before?" he asked, having wanted an answer to that question for quite some time. Admittedly, he had long since marked the possibility of it being an innocent coincidence as impossible.

"Hm, and here I thought you were well versed in the language of flowers, _Señor_ _Carriedo_." Despite the fact that he had a thick accent of some foreign kind Antonio couldn't quite place, the pronunciation of his name and the title, was surprisingly good. Of course, that didn't make the words any less shocking.

"How... how do you know who I am? What the hell do you want from me?" Hands balling into tight fists, he stared at the tall, dark-tanned man. All the while, his thoughts spun. He was positive he'd never seen this man before in his life, and as far as he was aware, he hadn't done any harm to anyone.

"I simply want you to stay away from what is mine." The smirk was gone, replaced by a dark expression that made Antonio take another step back on pure reflex.

"What's... yours?" he repeated hesitatingly, cursing the slight tremor that snuck into his speech despite his best attempts at keeping it neutral. What the hell had he come close to that this man considered to be _his_? He was no thief, and didn't make it a habit to go off taking other people's things.

"You aren't all that clever, are you..." the man shook his head, and although Antonio wasn't known as an easily angered person, the expression in his eyes really pissed him off. The way the stranger seemed to loom over him in both height and presence did nothing to help matters. Opening his mouth to utter some offensive statement, Antonio gasped instead, as he was suddenly slammed back against the wall of the flower store, a hand to his throat, even if it didn't clutch very tightly. Damn, the guy was fast...

Now that he was this close, Antonio could see that his eyes were really a very dark brown shade, but shadowed by obvious hatred and something bordering on madness. He could also smell a peculiar mix of after-shave, rain and dirt, as the man leaned in closer, putting a bit more pressure on his neck.

"Stay the fuck away," he all but growled. "That's just a piece of friendly advice."

And then, as suddenly as he had appeared, the man let go of his collar, and turned abruptly, striding down the street until he disappeared around a corner. It was almost as if he had never been there to begin with. Antonio gulped for air, feeling rather shaky and as confused as ever. Who on earth was that guy? And what the hell had Antonio done to earn that dangerous, hating expression directed at him?

He wasn't sure how long he'd stood there, but the rain had made his hair stick to his face, and had began slipping through his shoes, which weren't really water proof, making his socks uncomfortably wet. It was this chilling sensation that woke him from the daze, and he suddenly remembered his original intention, and shakily stopped a cab to take him to Lovino's neighbourhood. Somehow, the encounter made him even more anxious to see his boyfriend.

The cab driver seemed to take notice of his shaky posture, but thankfully didn't ask any questions as he efficiently brought Antonio to the right location. By the time they got there, he'd calmed down somewhat. Handing the driver an amount of money that was probably a bit too much, he got out of the cab, watching it drive off.

Turning to the house, which seemed quiet and empty, he swallowed, walking up to the gate, which was partially open, strangely enough. He didn't get further than that, however, freezing in his tracks when he caught sight of the garden. Or rather, what was left of it. Plants were torn up, kicked out across the lawn, particularly the vegetable plants. His eyes, moving across the damage, eventually came to rest on the slumped figure on the grass, kneeling before the massacred remains of a tomato plant, head bowed.

"L-Lovi!" He cried, drawing a sharp intake of breath at the sight. Darting into the garden, he slowed his pace as he neared the other. "Lovino... Honey, what's happened...?"

Lovino had tensed upon hearing his voice, but didn't move from his position at first. Antonio suddenly took notice of the trembling shoulders, and the dirty clothes – his formal work wear weren't nearly as impeccable and elegant-looking as they had been before. But none of that mattered, because when he turned, and Antonio saw the pure fear on his expression, his heart practically skipped several beats.

Lovino looked downright horrible, rain having soaked his hair and clothes by now, and mixing with the tears that were pooling from his eyes. His left cheek was flushed red and swollen. Walking over carefully, he tried to ask the questions on his lips, but found that his voice had left him.

"Antonio...?" Lovino sounded as if he hardly believed he was there, voice trembling violently. His golden eyes were wild and glazed over. Just like the eyes of a person who just woke up from a horrible nightmare, and were unable to tell dream from reality.

Antonio fell to his knees on the wet grass, reaching out, only to have Lovino gasp, shying away.

"Don't hurt me...! I'm sorry... I'm really, r-really sorry!" and he started sobbing, crying words of apology over and over, and hugging himself tightly, while Antonio could only stare in numb shock. Many thoughts raced through his mind at that time, but one shone brighter than the others.

Whoever had hurt _his_ precious boyfriend was going to pay dearly for it.

oOo

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><p><em>Hope you liked it~ If you could give me some feedback, telling me what you thought of it, that would really warm my heart! ^^<em>

_señora(s) – Madam(s)_

_Señor – Mr. _


	10. Chapter 9

_The mysterious bad guy will finally be revealed, in case you haven't figured it out yet. No offence towards this character, I actually like him a lot, despite writing this. ^^ I hope you'll enjoy the chapter~ _

oOo

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><p>It had to be a nightmare. Lovino could find no other logical explanation for everything that had happened these last few days. After the date on the beach he had been in a bit of a happy rush, feeling uncharacteristically giddy and hopeful.<p>

When he came home, however, he had found yet another tuberose, this time on the kitchen table. It had unnerved him greatly, and he'd almost considered calling Antonio in a moment of pure fear. The thought had been quickly banished, however, as he didn't want to bother the other with his own paranoia. Instead, he'd thrown the flower in the garbage, and tried to forget about it.

It was hard to forget, of course, when it repeated itself the next day when he came home from work. That time there were two flowers. When the door bell had rung, shortly after he found the flowers and went through the routine of checking the house for intruders, he was positive his heart had stopped, and he was so sure that _he_ would stand there outside, smiling sickeningly at him when he opened the door.

Instead, it proved to be Feliciano, standing there with a guilty expression on his face and a bouquet of Chrysanthemums in his arms. Lovino had been so relieved that his legs had turned to jelly, and made it hard to stand. But he'd forced the feeling away, and all but pulled his brother into the house.

Feliciano had apologized, over and over again, hugging Lovino and crying. Lovino, of course, hadn't even considered being angry with his brother, as he knew he'd deserved it. They hadn't talked much, and as Lovino had let his brother hug him, his mind had travelled to the tuberoses. Part of him wanted Feliciano to move home again, of course, as the fear of being alone had grown a lot stronger during the last few days. But when he spoke, he found himself telling Feliciano to stay at Ludwig's house.

"W-what...? Fratello, are you feeling ok?" was the question Feliciano had asked him then, and he couldn't blame the younger Italian for looking at him like he'd lost his mind. No, he wasn't feeling ok, far from it. But stronger than the fear of being alone, was the fear of getting Feliciano mixed up in the things that were going on. If his brother ended up hurt because of him, he would never be able to forgive himself.

Years of wearing masks proved to be of good worth, and though he felt horrible for lying, he managed to convince the other that everything was fine. He also got him to believe that spending some time away from each other was probably doing both of them good. Hell, he'd even gone as far as to say that Feliciano should go stay with the man he loved, rather than his brother. It had felt as if he'd killed a little part of his heart, and when Feliciano had thanked him for finally accepting his relationship with Ludwig, before leaving with a cheerful wave, a strange mix of relief and pain had made him sink to the floor as soon as he'd shut the door.

It was at that moment that his phone had called, and he'd responded without even looking at the caller-ID. He regretted this when he heard that deep, smooth voice at the other end, greeting him as if everything was ok. That too-familiar voice that made it feel like someone was clutching painfully at his neck, constricting his breathing. Due to the shock of suddenly hearing from that man again, he couldn't recall much from the phone call. He remembered vaguely asking what he wanted, and getting to reply that he had come back for "what was his". As he said that, and started laughing, Lovino had screamed at him to leave him alone, and thrown his cell phone into the opposite wall, bits and pieces flying in every direction.

For days, Lovino was constantly on the alert, jumping at every sharp movement and unexpected sound. And then, when he had just begun thinking that perhaps nothing would happen after all... he had been there when Lovino came home from work, sitting calmly at the kitchen table and sipping at the coffee he'd taken the _liberty_ to make in _Lovino's_ kitchen. After that, things were hazy, but he recalled clearly the absolute terror when the large, broad-shouldered man towered over him, eyes twinkling darkly and white teeth gritted in anger.

He'd almost forgotten how tall the man was, but the nasty tendencies he got when he was angry was by no means forgotten, and it was that memory that had made him run for the door, nearly reaching it before a fist grabbed his hair, tearing him to an agonizing stop.

Things were blurry, and he barely remembered all the screaming, cursing and accusations that had been thrown at him, as the other man shook him like a rag doll. Somehow during the attack, he'd managed to plant a knee to the other's groin, and as he'd been released, had gotten out into the garden. Of course, he got no further than that, and to his fear, none of the neighbours seemed to be home. The neighbourhood had been silent, as most people were probably still at work, or too absorbed in their own business to care about the two figures in the garden in front of their house – one of which were crying and cowering pathetically, and one of which was making a number out of tearing up plants and kicking at the grass in his fury.

The hit to his cheek had sent him stumbling to the ground, and he gasped as the other kicked up his tomato plants – his _precious_ tomato plants...! The fear of more hits stung more than the actual connection with his cheek, however.

And he'd begun apologizing, pleading for the other not to hurt him anymore. Looking up at him, he'd felt like his life was in this man's violent, traitorous hands.

"S-Sadiq... please... don't hurt me!"

Sadiq Adnan, as violent as he was when angry, had at that moment calmed down slightly, as if he found some immense pleasure in Lovino's broken figure, crying and pleading at his feet. And with a last smirk, he'd reached down, planting a kiss to Lovino's forehead, before marching out the gate and disappearing as abruptly as he'd appeared.

Lovino had no idea how much time had passed, as he couldn't even feel the icy rain that soaked his clothes. Whether he was trembling because of the cold or the fear wasn't easy to tell, and he honestly couldn't care less.

Why was Sadiq back now? And here he'd finally started believing that dark chapter of his life to be over... What the hell had he done to deserve all this shit? Wasn't it enough that he'd had to deal with that horrible man before, did he really have to go through it all over again? He couldn't deal with that... Last time had left him traumatized and broken, and if he was to go through it again, it would end in his death. That much he was sure of.

"L-Lovi!"

That voice... Didn't he know it from somewhere? Somehow, his body refused to move, as if it was frozen in place. He couldn't even move his head to look in the direction of the voice.

"Lovino... Honey, what's happened...?"

His mind worked desperately to place the voice. It was an important voice, belonging to someone very important to him... Wasn't it? Bits of memories floated up from the back of his numb mind. Warm, green eyes. Spanish accent. Laughter and honest smiles. A beach, and a kiss...

"Antonio...?"

It took a moment before he realized that he was the one who'd spoken. That name made him slightly more aware of his surroundings, although he was much too exhausted and afraid to think clearly. Was Antonio really here? Or was he merely imagining things?

Movement at his side caught his attention, and when he registered a hand reaching out for him, he gasped, the previous hope flickering out and dying as he quickly shied away.

"Don't hurt me...! I'm sorry... I'm really, r-really sorry!" Sobbing, he tried to get away and stumbled to his feet, only to have them give out on him. As a result, he toppled back over, feeling for the first time how his wet clothes clung mercilessly to his frozen body, weighing him down.

"L-Lovi, it's me! Antonio! I won't hurt you, I promise!" He could hear the voice call, but the voice sounded distant and the words didn't seem to make sense. Wouldn't hurt him? Lies. All lies... Everyone ended up hurting him in some way or the other. "Listen to me, honey, you are safe, everything is going to be all right now!"

How could things be all right? For as long as Lovino could remember, things had _never_ been all right, so why now? Why would this time be any different?

More voice could be heard in the distance, approaching slowly, though he couldn't make out what they were saying. Perhaps the neighbours were finally realizing that something was going on. Realizing that their peaceful neighbourhood wasn't quite as peaceful as they first thought, and conveniently rushing to the scene now that things had calmed down.

"_Lovinito_..." The first voice was nearer now, and suddenly, his mind was as clear as glass, for a fleeting moment, seeing the scared expression in Antonio's eyes. Why did he have that look in his eyes...? Had Lovino done something wrong? "Please, Lovi... let me help you..." those whispered words seemed to touch something in the Italian's aching heart, and before he really knew what he had done, he'd scrambled up, stumbling over to the other, and collapsing into his arms.

Antonio was warm and secure. His arms were safe, immediately holding Lovino close, with the intention of protecting and comforting.

And Lovino could only pray that this man wouldn't leave him, as the world slowly started to fade away, and he fell limp, somehow knowing that those arms would not let him fall.

oOo

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><p>"<em>Sadiq, huh...? I take it you're not from here, then?" He eyed the unfamiliar man before him with wonder, eyebrows raised. The man's deep brown, mysterious eyes met his own without hesitance, and he laughed. It was a deep, rumbling laugh that somehow lured Lovino in, making him shiver for a moment. He couldn't tell if it was a good or bad kind of shiver, but the smile he was presented with was kind.<em>

"_No, I'm not. Your name doesn't sound too American either, if I dare say so."_

"_I'm Italian," Lovino couldn't help the slight pride in his voice at this, and smirked ever so slightly. Sadiq chuckled again, though he nodded all the same._

"_Well, I'm a Turk myself, though I must say; if every Italian is as beautiful as you, I might consider moving to Italy."_

_Lovino couldn't help but smile back, charmed by this handsome stranger and those deep, luring eyes pulling him in like a fly to a light._

* * *

><p>It had all been a lie. From the very first moment they met, Sadiq had only gone after him to hurt him. To hurt him until he was thoroughly broken, only to spit on him when he was of no more use, and leave...<p>

"_Fucking bitch! You dare oppose me, you filthy good-for-nothing shit? No wonder everyone loves your brother more than you!"_

Hurtful words, stabbing at the fearful remains of his heart, tearing it further apart. Planting even more seeds of doubt and pain in the wall of thorns that was cutting deeper and deeper.

Hurtful hands, forcing him down with might, though careful not to make visible damage. Sadiq was many things, but he was not a stupid man. This made him all the more of a threat.

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><p>"<em>Fratello... are you all right?" Feliciano reached out, compassion and worry evident in his eyes. And Lovino pulled away. He couldn't get his brother involved in this. He was much too precious to him, and the only thing that kept him sane at the moment.<em>

"_I'm fine, Feli. Just a bit tired. Work's been busy these days..."_

* * *

><p>Masks and pretences. Lies and illusions. And everyone fell for it, even the one who knew him better than anyone. Some days, he wondered what really was reality and what was the illusion. Perhaps he was just stuck in a nightmare? Or was it his brother's kind smiles that was nothing but a dream...?<p>

* * *

><p><em>Lovino stared, wild eyed up at the man standing over him, the dark eyes he'd come to fear gazing right back at him without hesitation. Sadiq's hold was the only thing stopping him from falling over the fence and into the dark, furious water below, and it was a scary though, because Lovino knew this man would never hesitate to drop him, and watch him fall to his death. Laughing, even.<em>

"_You mustn't forget who you belong to," Came the quiet, cold words. "You're life is worth nothing, and there is not a person who would stop to care if I were to drop you right now."_

"_Then drop me... Dear God, just let me fucking die!"_

"_You should be careful what you wish for..."_

_Lovino wondered briefly if he didn't see a note of panic in those dark depths, but it was gone immediately, as an insane smirk took its place instead. All he could do was stare at the man, wondering how he could ever have been foolish enough to think that this man was any different than the rest. How he could ever have believed that this man would love him, when no one else ever did._

_How the hell could he ever have loved this evil beast and given up his heart for him to destroy and feast on like the vulture he was...?_

"_I pray that you'll burn in hell, Sadiq Adnan!" he sneered, a strange apathy taking over for all the fear. And then the one last hold on his collar was released, and his stomach twisted sickeningly as he was sent tumbling backwards into the suffocating darkness, that somehow felt so much more tempting than staying another second in the presence of that man._

_For a brief moment, he thought he saw a hand reaching out in regret, but then it was gone and Sadiq simply disappeared out of view, leaving Lovino to the mercy of the water that pulled him into its depths..._

oOo

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><p>A distinctively unpleasant scent was the first thing that struck him as he began the long, slow process of waking up. The next thing he noticed was the dull ache in his body, as well as a bone-chilling cold. It wasn't logical at all – he could tell that the surface he was lying on was soft, and the room was so hot that it was hard to breathe, making him feel sweaty. It was a bit like walking bare feet in the snow, while wearing at least five thick winter jackets at the same time, and the contrast was horrible.<p>

Why were things so hazy? He wasn't normally this slow at waking up properly, having fallen out of his old heavy sleeper-habits long ago, and gradually building up the horrible sleeping pattern of a true workaholic.

Work...! Shit, he wasn't late for work, was he? He was never late, and punctuality had become something he relied heavily on. It gave stability and rhythm to an otherwise chaotic existence. Opening his eyes wasn't as easy as he'd expected, however. It felt as if they were glued shut. Fighting against drowsiness, he finally managed to crack them open ever so slightly, only to be blinded by the sudden light, and promptly closing them again.

Shit, if it was that light outside, he was definitely late, but... perhaps it was a weekend-day? What the hell was this, was he even so groggy that he couldn't tell what day it was? No, he concluded, he was groggy enough to be unable to tell what day it had been yesterday, and how long ago that was. Time was a foreign concept, and he found that quite disturbing.

Shifting, he noticed that his body felt as heavy as lead, and wondered just how much wine he must have had to drink to end up like this. His head was killing him too, and his throat was as dry as the Sahara desert. He'd kill for some water right now.

Water... rain. That thought struck a chord within him, and his mind began clearing up a bit. Rain... and dirt. And a pair of violent hands, tearing apart his garden and his heart...

With a gasp, his eyes were open, and every memory both old and fresh crashed back. Where was he? Looking around wildly, he expected that horrible figure appearing over him again, reaching out his hands to hurt him...

"Shh, Lovinito, it's all right! Honey, you're safe now, no one is going to hurt you."

That voice snapped him out of his panic, and he remembered the second part of the incidents in the garden, although his memory was still blurry. Looking to his side, he saw no evil dark eyes. Instead a green, compassionate gaze was eying him worriedly.

"Antonio...?" Speaking proved just as difficult as opening his eyes, and his voice came out as nothing more than a weak groan.

"Yeah, it's me, Lovi. Oh, _Dios Mio_, I was so scared...! You've been unconscious for days, w-with a fever and..." he broke off, and his gaze fell to his lap. There were tears pooling in his eyes, and upon further inspection, it looked like these tears weren't the only ones he'd shed lately. In fact, he looked horrible, pale and drawn, dark circles resting under his eyes and a heavily concerned expression still lingering in his eyes.

"I'm... sorry, Antonio," Lovino forced out, having to swallow the lump in his throat at seeing his boyfriend looking so miserable. He felt utterly horrible for being the cause of the Spaniard's tears. "I never meant t-to worry you."

The Spaniard looked at him sharply, eyes wide with surprise and something else that Lovino couldn't quite define. Then he bowed his head again, making his hair fall like a dark curtain in front of his eyes, as he clutched at his knees.

"Antonio?" Lovino wondered vaguely if he'd said anything wrong, but before he could voice this concern, Antonio spoke up.

"Lovi... May..." his voice was thick with tears, shoulders trembling, "May I have the permission to hug you?"

Lovino could only stare, and suddenly he wanted nothing else than to have the Spaniard's arms around him.

"You... don't have to ask for permission, you i-idiot!" his voice broke at the last word, and it was true. Antonio would never need a permission to hug him, probably the only one except his brother to earn such a privilege. While he feared physical contact, this man was different. There were no egoistical catches behind his hugs. There was nothing false and sugar-sweet with them. Only affection, or maybe even... love?

At his words, Antonio didn't hesitate even for a moment, one knee on the bed, as he pulled the Italian up easily into his arms, holding him tightly yet gently at the same time. Lovino let his own arms circle around the strong chest of his boyfriend, clutching at the back of his shirt, and letting himself get lost in all the spicy, pleasant scents that were so uniquely Antonio.

"It's so warm..." he whispered after a while, voice still hoarse as he remembered just how thirsty he was.

"Well yeah, you have a fever. Oh shit, I'm sorry! You're sick and– I'm not hurting you am I?" Antonio sounded a bit frantic at this, and a tiny ghost of a smile wound itself onto Lovino's lips.

"No... It's a pleasant warmth," he assured, eyes closing for a moment. Shit, he was getting drowsy again. Somehow, listening to the Spaniard's steady heart beats was like a lullaby, convincing him to sleep off his sickness.

"Oh... I'm glad," Antonio held him a bit tighter, kissing the top of his head gently. "I was so worried, finding you like that..." Lovino supposed it must have been quite a sight. He wondered what Feliciano would think when he saw the mess their garden had become. Gasping suddenly, he sat up, breaking away from the embrace to look around.

"F-Feliciano! Where is he?" he asked as he searched the room. Only now did it occur to him that he wasn't in his own room. This place was white, sterile – a hospital room, most likely.

"He and Ludwig went to get something to eat at the cafeteria. He's been very worried about you, you know. Has barely left your side since he first came here."

"Oh no..."

"Hey, don't you start feeling guilty about worrying us now, you hear? Worrying is what you do for people you care about when they're sick or hurt. Or both."

Lovino swallowed, looking to Antonio and noticing the sincerity in his eyes. He supposed he was right. If it had been Feliciano, he'd be worried sick too. And if it had been Antonio... He couldn't even think the thought, letting out a shaky sigh, which turned into a throaty cough. It made him wince and remember a fact he had yet again forgotten.

"A-Antonio?"

"Sí! Are you ok? Do you need anything? Just tell me, I'll do anything!"

Lovino couldn't help but smile weakly at this, looking at his boyfriend and raising an eyebrow tiredly, as he let the pregnant pause stretch out a bit, until he figured he'd made the other wait long enough.

"I'm kind of thirsty..."

oOo

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><p><em>Oh, I feel so bad for making Turkey the bad guy… Sadiq Adnan is the human name this character has been given, in case you didn't know. I know it's probably wrong to write it with a q, but this way of writing it is what I'm used to so that's what I'm going to use. ^^<em>

_Please leave me some feedback telling me what you thought of it, it would really make me happy! : )_

_Lovinito - Added "ito", Spanish expression/suffix indicating affection _


	11. Chapter 10

_I just wanted to give a quick shout-out to __**asdfghjkl**_ _for the anonymous review! Thank you so much, it really made my day! :D _

_So, on to the story~ Enjoy! ^^_

oOo

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><p>Antonio wasn't quite sure what he was supposed to do, struggling with conflicting emotions. Questions of all sorts buzzed around his mind like a swarm of angry bees, and he ached to get a name, or better yet; a face to beat to a pulp. Dear God, he wanted so badly to ask Lovino who did this to him, and why.<p>

How could he ask questions, though, when Lovino was sick and in pain both physically and mentally? Even more so than before, the Italian looked thin and pale where he lay on the hospital bed, hooked up to IV-drips and other... stuff that Antonio didn't really know what was for. The doctors had said that it would be best to keep him there until he recovered, due to the stress he suffered along with his sickness. Apparently, he'd been damn near getting pneumonia, luckily escaping with a bad case of cold. Although, his fever had reached an almost frightening level at one point.

Antonio had hardly left his side since he was admitted. The nurses had tried kicking him out whenever visiting hours would end, but he refused to go home and had even threatened that he would lie down outside in the cold to sleep if they didn't let him stay. As a result, he was promptly signed off as "an exception to the rule", and was allowed to stay. He suspected that their refusal to adding an extra bed in the room was an attempt at making him take a hint and go home, though. It was pointless, of course, as sleep was the last thing on his mind. The arm chair in the room worked perfectly when he desperately needed some shut eye, and he'd pulled it up close to the bed, so he could be as close to his boyfriend as possible even when sleeping. Some nurses called it sweet and romantic, others snorted and called it ridiculous. Antonio couldn't care less what they thought or said.

The only time he'd left – except to get some food or to take a shower, was to call Feliciano as soon as a receptionist at the hospital had tracked his number. Antonio had wanted to be the one to deliver the news, but in the end, he'd probably sounded a lot more serious and pained than needed, and Feliciano had jumped to the conclusion that his brother was dying or something. The youngest of the Italian brothers had panicked, muttering wildly in his native language, until Ludwig had come to see what the commotion was about, and greeted Antonio with evident concern.

He'd delivered the news, and had heard Ludwig murmuring to Feliciano that Lovino would be fine. The German's voice, as strong and serious it had been when responding to Antonio's words, was soft and warm when addressing Feliciano.

Within half an hour, they were there, and had taken to sitting with Antonio in Lovino's room, waiting for him to show any signs of recovery, or waking up. It had taken three long days of fever-induced nightmares, anxiousness and worry before he finally opened his eyes. It was probably the longest three days Antonio had ever experienced.

After he woke up, Lovino seemed to recover well. Well... physically at least. He was still tired and pale, as well as jumpy and easily startled. Feliciano had tried getting him to tell him what was going on, but Lovino had refused to say a word. The younger kept asking, however, clearly growing more and more wary and frustrated when Lovino kept his lips tightly sealed. Of course, either of them were bound to snap eventually – both of them were stubborn, but both of them were also expressive Italians. To just stand on the sideline and watching the conflict unfold before his eyes, with no idea what to say, wasn't easy, however...

"Why do you always do this?" Feliciano was standing by the bed, fists clenched at his side, and eyebrows drawn together. Lovino only stared back at him for a moment, before sighing heavily, looking at his lap.

"I..."

"Don't say it! Don't say that you can 'deal with it alone'! Don't say that I 'don't have to worry'! Don't say that you just want to 'protect me'! I don't want to hear it!"

"Is it so _wrong_ to want to protect my own brother?" Lovino's voice was quiet but holding a definite trace of desperation, as he finally looked up at his fuming brother.

"I'm not a child anymore that you have to protect, fratello!"

"I know you're not a child, but this... I don't want you involved in this!"

"But what is "_this_"? Dear God, Fratello, you're in a hospital, for crying out loud, and you won't even tell me what happened! _Who_ did this to you?"

At a loss of what to do, Antonio could only stare at the scene. Should he stop the argument before either of them were hurt? Or should he let them sort it out on their own? What did he know about siblings' fights, anyway – it might be impossible to stop them at any rate. With that conclusion, he simply stood aside, tense and waiting to see what the outcome would be. It was like watching those bull rodeos he remembered from his home in Spain – you never knew what would happen, and who would end up stabbed by the sharp horns, or trampled by thundering hooves.

He didn't expect the unexpected twist to come by the form of a knock at the door, however, and a nurse entering hesitantly, carrying a small bouquet of flowers. Roses, to be exact. _Black_ roses.

Antonio felt his blood run cold, and everything was as silent as death, until everyone reacted at the same time. He shot to his feet, puzzle pieces falling into place and making it painfully obvious who the enemy was. Feliciano gasped, eyes widening as he muttered something that sounded like "so it was him... it was him who hurt you before! And now he's... he's back...!"

Lovino's reaction, however, had both of them stunned. With a scream, he was out of the bed, tearing off every tube and needle connected to his body. In a few, long strides, he reached the startled nurse, tearing the flowers out of her hands and darting over to the window, opening it and throwing them as far as he could with another cry.

Then he was over at the nurse's side again, grabbing her shoulders and shaking her. "Where is he? The man who delivered those! Tell me!"

Antonio had never heard him this panicked before, and clearly he had the nurse shocked too, as she looked like she was going to faint at meeting such chaos upon entering the room, quite innocently, with the flowers. Little did she know that the black roses symbolized death.

"W-what? Sir, please calm down...! He left soon after d-delivering them."

Lovino stared at her for a moment, before suddenly doubling over, falling to his knees and coughing violently, wheezing for breath as his condition caught up with him.

"Lovi!" Antonio shook out of his state of paralysis, running hastily over to Lovino, kneeling beside him and tossing a quick, meaningful look at the nurse who nodded, running off to fetch a doctor.

"Oh God... Antonio, I can't do this..." Lovino was sobbing now, in between shaky gulps for air, as he turned to give the Spaniard a look that made him pull the Italian into his arms, never wanting to let him out of his hold again. "I can't deal with this! N-not again!"

Antonio only held him, rocking his boyfriend gently as he sobbed. So he'd gotten the answer at last, although not in the way he had expected at all, and definitely not in a way he would have hoped for. Glancing at Feliciano, who was still standing by the bed, as pale as snow and staring at the still open window, he could tell that the young man was far lost in his own thoughts.

Suddenly it all made sense. The orange lily had been a warning for him to stay away from Lovino. For some reason, that man had hurt Lovino badly in the past – he couldn't even begin to imagine how badly for Lovino to be this afraid – and was now back to claim Lovino as his. He should have seen the warning signs earlier... should have come to the conclusion before the man managed to lay his filthy hands on his boyfriend.

But it was Feliciano who spoke the words on his mind, voice thick with emotions. "I should have known... I should have seen that he was lying before..." His honey-coloured eyes darkened, as tears began running down his cheeks. "How could I _not_ notice what was going on?"

"Because keeping you in the dark was the only way I could protect you..." Antonio looked down at the man in his arms, slightly surprised that the shaken Italian was able to speak at all, and saw that his eyes held nothing but utter love and determination as he looked over at where Feliciano was standing. "And whether you like it or not... I'd do anything to protect you..." With those words, his eyes drifted shut and he fell limp in Antonio's arms.

When the doctor arrived, he could conclude that Lovino was simply exhausted from the ordeal, and would wake up when he'd slept it off. After receiving a brief explanation from Antonio, he then officially banned any flowers from being delivered to the room unless they were delivered in person by someone Lovino knew and trusted.

After he left again, Antonio and Feliciano sat in absolute silence, at either side of the bed. No wonder Ludwig looked like he'd entered the room of someone who was dying, pausing after he shut the door quietly behind him. The blonde German was an observant man, however, and said nothing, only walking over to Feliciano, who hadn't said a word since Lovino last spoke, and putting a hand mildly on his shoulder. There was little doubt that the young Italian had done his best to be brave, but now his resolve crumpled, and he stood, collapsing into Ludwig's embrace.

Antonio supposed that more answers would have to wait, only giving a nod and a weak smile when Ludwig glanced at him, silently asking if he'd be all right on his own in there. Ludwig then led the other out of the room, only pausing slightly to put a comforting hand on Antonio's shoulder as well. While Ludwig was the same age as Feliciano – from what Gilbert had told him –, and stayed mostly silent unless he had some sort of level-headed comment to give, the young man had been a great support the last few days. A steady presence was exactly what both Antonio and Feliciano needed. He'd have to find a way to thank him some day.

Glancing from the door, back to Lovino, he was a bit startled when he met with a pair of golden eyes.

"You're awake..." he murmured, taking his boyfriend's hand and holding it gently between his own.

"Been awake for a while," Lovino admitted quietly. "I'm afraid to sleep. I just keep thinking he'll be there when I wake up." The Italian gave a small sigh, his gaze shifting to rest on the ceiling instead of Antonio.

"Lovino... Do you want to tell me about this?"

Golden eyes flickered to meet his again, and Lovino bit his lip slightly. "I'm not used to talking about it. I... I guess I can try." He paused, glancing at Antonio for a moment. "But only if you promise you won't do anything stupid."

Antonio wasn't entirely sure what the other considered to be something _stupid_, but nodded nonetheless, deciding he would try his best to stay composed. "I promise."

Lovino sighed, letting his eyes drift to the ceiling once again as he slowly began to speak. "He's name is Sadiq. Sadiq Adnan, from Turkey. I met him a few years ago. I'd just been dumped by this guy who I'd gone out with for a while, and was feeling angry and hurt. Sadiq was charming, and I needed comfort... Before I even knew it, I was blindly in love, and couldn't see that he didn't consider me to be anything but a toy for him to play with."

His hand clutched Antonio's as he spoke softly, eyes clearly not seeing the ceiling they were directed at, being glazed over with memories.

"After a while, he began saying things to me... things that I already feared. He could name every single one of my worst fears, as if he had seen into my head and heart, and by doing that, he... confirmed them. I grew anxious, and although I tried to tell myself that his words were all lies, they seemed so real. After a while, I attempted to confront him with it, to leave him for good, but he... he got angry..."

A hitch to his voice told Antonio that anger was a dangerous emotion for the tall Turk, and he swallowed, bracing himself for the rest of the story.

"He started h-hitting me... Only light slaps at first, but they stung badly. When I tried to get away, however, he-" he paused, closing his eyes as his brows furrowed at the painful memory.

"Shh, it's okay, Lovi... take your time," Antonio whispered soothingly. One part of him felt a bit bad for making the other relive this, but another part knew that talking about it was the first step towards healing, and it was clear that Lovino hadn't taken this step before.

"He grabbed me by the neck, and... forced me to the floor. I couldn't breathe, and he looked so utterly _insane_...! I thought for sure that he would kill me. But he let go again, suddenly starting to... r-rip off my clothes..." Tears trickled down his pale cheeks, and Antonio felt cold dread clutching at his heart.

"That monster... _raped_ you?" he gasped out. This was something he had feared, of course, but even so, he had been unable to believe that it would be true. How anyone could do something that awful was beyond his comprehension. Lovino only nodded weakly, drawing a sharp breath and clearing his throat.

"After he was... done, he left again, but told me that if I told anyone, I wouldn't be the only one suffering. Dear God, Antonio, I couldn't let him hurt Feliciano, so I cleaned up, and composed myself. I'm sure Feliciano noticed that things were tense between me and Sadiq, but I convinced him everything was fine."

Antonio couldn't help the immense respect he had for his boyfriend's decision, no matter how much it hurt to think about the pain he went through. He really would do anything to protect his brother, and the Spaniard found him incredibly brave to be able to deal with all that on his own just to keep Feliciano safe.

"Sadiq kept following me, acting as if nothing was wrong. I tried to pull away, but I feared him only more and more as he kept beating me. Of course, he never left any damage on places people could see, and so he believed no one would find out. Then... after nearly a year of physical and mental torture, he came to me, and he was furious. For some reason, he believed I had 'cheated on him'. Called me a whore, among other things. He began b-beating me and after a while, he suddenly dragged me along somewhere. He looked so... so utterly mad, you can't even begin to imagine..."

"Didn't anyone see you?"

"No, it was in the middle of the night, and dark outside. He brought me down to the sea, and I tried to get away because I was really scared of what he might do. The beating was worse than usual and I was really out if it. I tried screaming for help, but then he grabbed me, and held me over the fence... It w-was stormy that night, and I knew I wouldn't be able to swim to shore if he was to drop me..." the tears had come to a stop, but that didn't make his expression any less haunted. "The worst thing was that he k-knew it too, but he still let me fall..."

"He tried to k-kill you?" Antonio gasped, unable to process this. Obviously, this man was a lot more dangerous than he had first thought.

"I'm n-not even sure how I survived... My memory is all blurry, but somehow I woke up on dry land, and all I could do was... lie there and cry. Eventually, I found my way home again, and I spent days and weeks, even _months_ expecting Sadiq to come back... But he never did. Maybe he thought I was dead... or maybe he was scared that anyone would find out what he'd done, I don't know..."

"And now that... that _monster_ dares to come back again?" The anger Antonio had tried to suppress was hard to contain, and as he pictured the face of that horrible man, all he wanted to do was to cause him as much harm as physically possible. More than that, he wanted him locked behind bars for the rest of his life, though he knew that proving his sins would be very nearly impossible.

"he m-must have found out that I was still alive..." Lovino looked so exhausted, eyes still distant and fearful. "I... I'm scared, Antonio. So scared..."

Antonio brought his boyfriend's hand to his lips, kissing it softly before meeting his eyes with determination.

"I won't let him harm you. If he tries to lay a hand on you, I don't know what I'll do."

"Y-you haven't met him, he's scarier than anyone I've met..."

"I have met him, actually."

Lovino's eyes snapped to his, wide with shock. The room was utterly silent for a while, as if someone had sucked any sounds out of it. Even the birds outside, which had clearly been chattering before, seemed to hold their breath, until Lovino's hoarse reply broke the silence.

"W-what?"

"He came to the flower store a while ago, just to give me an orange lily. I know a bit about the language of flowers, but I couldn't understand why he'd deliver a message like that. Then I saw him again, just before I went to... visit you... Oh my God, he must have just left your house! If I had known-" he broke off. If he'd known, he wouldn't have let the other just leave again. Fuck, he'd even smelled the garden dirt on the man's clothes and hands, seen how angry he'd looked.

He shuddered, despite himself, as he remembered the dangerous look in those dark eyes. Yes, he could definitely see why Lovino feared him so badly. That look he'd had in his eyes was the look of someone who could and would do anything to get what they wanted.

"He started using flowers because he knew how much I liked them... using something I really enjoyed, and even took comfort in, against me. As if to really rub it in my face that there was nothing that could be trusted."

Like anything else, the language of flowers could be used for good things, but could also be misused. Antonio could understand how Lovino had lost faith in it, just like Feliciano had mentioned when he came to buy flowers for him. The younger Italian had apparently noticed that Lovino had received flowers symbolizing warnings and other dark thing, even if he hadn't seen that Sadiq was the one to send them.

"I've always loved flowers..." The Spaniard murmured after a while, feeling a need to change the subject onto something lighter, as the air in the room had turned very heavy. "It's another way of saying things when you can't say them with words. I used to be horribly shy, you know? That's partially why I decided to learn to say things with flowers instead."

It worked, the air seemed to lighten at this distraction. Lovino had both eyebrows raised incredulously, looking mildly disbelieving.

"_You_ were shy?" he asked, and Antonio smiled softly.

"Hard to believe, I suppose, but yes. Back at the orphanage when I was little, some of the older kids found out how funny it was to embarrass me by using my own words and actions against me. I was easily flustered and soon began to grow anxious and self-conscious, finding it hard to interact with people because I was afraid that they too would laugh and point out my flaws."

He could still remember how insecure he'd felt. Whenever someone tried a conversation with him, he'd just stand there – a thin, curly-haired little thing with his large green gaze glued to his feet – stuttering out a short reply. No wonder people had began thinking he was a bit on the stupid side.

"Most people don't know the impact they can have on someone's life," Lovino said quietly, and Antonio nodded thoughtfully. It truly didn't take much for a person to change another, for better or worse. All it took were some careless words, some inappropriate laughter, or a painful lie...

"We can still fight it, though," he said after a contemplative pause, "we don't have to let people decide what we should be like. I woke up one day, deciding that those jerks had no power over me. They had no right to make me into a stuttering fool. So, I walked out of the orphanage, and out on the streets. There, I stopped at the first and scariest person I saw, and began chatting with him."

"Really?" Lovino sounded astonished, giving a small hum with wonder, "Wow... That must have been difficult."

Antonio gave a half-smile, recalling the moment clearly. "Scariest thing I had ever done," he admitted. "Still, the grumpy old man I chatted with, turned out to be a really nice guy, and we talked for well over half an hour before one of the leaders of the orphanage came and pulled me back by the ear, yelling at me for running off."

"Ouch."

"I was smiling from ear to ear, though. Probably looked a bit crazy." Antonio chuckled mildly at the memory of how he'd stopped stuttering after that. Of course, it wasn't that easy to get out of old habits, and he was still sceptical and fearful. However, he found that meeting people with a bright smile and a carefree, mild attitude worked a lot better than having his eyes glued to his feet while he answered in one-word-sentences until he got a chance to escape. It was also easier to interact when he began observing people instead of thinking so much about himself and his own words and actions.

"I can imagine," Lovino smiled for a brief moment, before sighing softly. "I wonder if I'll ever be able to change. To be able to trust again..." He looked wistful, as if this was something he'd wished for a lot of times, without being able to do it. Antonio felt a bit lighter as he noticed the flicker of hope that had been lit in those golden eyes again – a light he hadn't seen since that night on the beach.

"You will, if you allow yourself to do so."

"It'll take time, probably." Lovino glanced at him hesitantly, the question in his eyes as clear as day. Antonio took that as his cue to lean over and plant a warm kiss to the Italian's forehead. A promise.

"Take as much time as you need, Lovinito. I'll still be here, no matter how long it takes."

People could easily change each other, without being aware of it. And at that exact moment, Antonio realized just how much this pained, broken Italian had changed him. Changed him for the better. Yes, definitely for the better.

oOo

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><p><em>Thanks for reading! If you could give me some feedback, telling me what you think of the story I'd be really happy! ^^<em>


	12. Chapter 11

_Thanks again to asdfghjkl for another wonderful review~ And thanks to everyone else who has taken the time to give me feedback as well! I really appreciate it! Here's a new chapter for you all, enjoy!_

oOo

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><p>"Are you sure this is alright with you?" Lovino stood hesitantly in the hallway of the apartment building, looking around with uncertainty. It was a rather nice place, really. The few buildings of this sort he'd ever entered had all been grey and empty, with floors that looked like they bred dust bunnies, and general lack of maintenance.<p>

This place actually looked like someone cared about the area outside their own apartment door. The walls were a pale yellow shade, not too sharp to be blinding, and not too dull to look like a dirty white. While the floor was a simple cream shade, the green carpets made up for it. As did the plants scattered about as decoration. It didn't come across as claustrophobic either, due to the fact that the hallway was actually quite wide. Lovino was thankful for this, as cramped spaces had never been something he particularly enjoyed.

There were six doors on this floor, and Antonio had earlier told him a bit about the people living in the different apartments. Naturally, he didn't know all of them, but when you lived on the same floor, you were bound to run into them from time to time. Going by the Spaniard's contagious good mood, Lovino doubted it was hard for him to get a conversation going.

The only one he'd gone into quite a bit of detail of was the Frenchman living across the hall from him. A strange man, from the sound of it, yet kind-hearted as well. From what Antonio had told him, though, he couldn't help but question silently if the man's head and morals were as good as his heart.

"Of course it's alright!" Antonio replied lightly, as he searched his pockets for the key. "There is no way I would leave you alone in that house anymore! I already called a lock smith, and they will be changing the locks, delivering the keys directly here. Until the place is safe, you'll stay with me. Even when the locks are changed, I won't leave you alone. Not until that monster stops messing with your life!" His voice had started out as bright and sunny, turning steadily darker until it reached a quiet growl at the mention of Sadiq.

Had it been anyone else, Lovino would have been quite fearful of the look in his eyes. Surprisingly, even to himself, he wasn't even the tiniest bit afraid of him. Instead, he felt protected and safe. Even if he disliked being treated like a damsel in distress, he wasn't so sure if he really minded having a knight in shining armour coming to save him.

"But let's not stand around here. Come on in, Lovi!" Antonio was smiling again, having found the key, and opening the door to allow the hesitant Italian to enter the apartment. Lovino did as he was told, looking around as he stepped through the doorway.

It was a nice apartment. Not too big, but definitely not tiny either. With large windows that cast lots of sunlight on the cream-coloured walls, it had an airy feel to it. The furniture and decoration matched the Spaniard's personality, Lovino thought. It appeared simple, in a way, but by further inspection, there were a whole lot of details. Despite the fact that the furniture looked to have been picked up from various markets or shops, and hardly matched, each item complimented the rest in a strange way.

Every picture on the wall, and every decoration on the shelves and tables, looked as if it carried a memory along with it. A book shelf with loads of books, both new and old, had been placed by the wall, and there were lots of plants, lamps and other interior that made it a cosy apartment all together.

On the opposite side of the room was an archway leading to the kitchen, and two doors to the left probably led to the bath room and the bed room respectively.

"It's not much, but... well, I like it here," Antonio shrugged, as he sat Lovino's bag down, closing the door behind him.

"It's not bad," Lovino said, giving a half smile. The place even smelled good. Distractedly, he wondered if it would be considered a weird thing that he could tell that this place smelled like Antonio did. Either way, he'd keep that tad bit of information to himself.

"I only got one bed room, though... You take it, I'll just sleep on the couch."

"No fucking way."

Okay, screw his last comment on the knight in shining armour. He was still a man, and could deal with sleeping on a couch just as well as the next person. Not to mention the fact that the Spaniard's large, forest green couch looked rather soft and comfortable.

Antonio looked baffled, but the stubborn, determined hint never left his voice. "I can't let a guest sleep on the couch!" he insisted.

"And I can't throw you out of your bed. I'm giving you enough trouble as it is." Lovino crossed his arms stubbornly, eying his boyfriend without backing down.

Antonio shook his head violently. "You're not–"

"Just take the fucking bed already!"

"We'll take turns!" Antonio held up his hands quickly with a small chuckle, clearly hoping to quell the argument before it escalated into a fight.

Lovino blinked, having come up with several arguments to support his case that it now seemed he wouldn't have any use for. "Turns?" he questioned hesitantly.

"Sí. Unless you want to share, of course." The Spaniard gave a smile, and Lovino pursed his lips, responding on reflex.

"No way in hell!" The next second, he regretted it, allowing a look of apology through his defences. Apparently, he still had some work to do on his emotional barriers. "Sorry..."

"Don't worry, Lovi, I understand."

At times, Lovino wondered just how much patience God had granted this man for him to be able to deal so calmly with his moods and quirks. Not once had the Spaniard showed signs of getting tired of him, or of regretting spending time with him.

What the hell had he done to deserve a man like him? It was a thought he had asked himself on a frequent basis ever since the joyful, passionate man had waltzed into his life as if it was his goal in life to break through Lovino's defences and reach his heart. Was it him that had finally been blessed with some un-deserved good luck, or was it Antonio who'd been cursed with bad?

"We'll take turns, then," the Spaniard smiled, settling the matter, and Lovino could only nod in silent agreement, trying to force away the melancholic thoughts that attempted to sneak into his mind. "I'll make us some dinner. Just... Make yourself at home!" A beaming smile was sent in Lovino's direction as his boyfriend made his way to the kitchen, whistling happily.

Standing silently in the middle of the living room for a while, he felt rather awkward as he glanced around. 'Feel like home', huh... It was such an easy sentence to speak, he only wished it was just as easy to do.

Antonio was still whistling as he moved around the kitchen, and Lovino recognized the song, humming along without really noticing, as he began wandering, looking at various items. Next to the book shelf, there was a rather big space on the wall, where several photographs hung, catching his interest.

There was one picture, a rather old one judging by the fringed sides and somewhat dull appearance, of a group of children of various ages. Behind them, a white house was located, in the middle of a small garden with a few scattered trees and some plants. The house itself wasn't all that big, showing evident signs of being worn, but it was a fairly nice house despite it all. Two elderly ladies were standing behind the children, who had been lined up in the garden, both of them smiling softly. It didn't take Lovino long to conclude that this had to be taken at the orphanage Antonio grew up in. Finding his boyfriend in the picture took a bit longer, however, but when he finally found him, he couldn't help but stare in wonder.

The small child-version of his boyfriend stood amongst the children at the front of the group, dressed in an overly large T-shirt and a pair of shorts that showed his thin legs, complete with a pair of bruised and battered knees. His shoes pointed shyly towards each other, and his hands were clasped carefully in front of his chest, as if he tried to make himself as small as possible. If not for the bright green eyes and the brown curls, Lovino wasn't sure he would have recognized him at all. The tentative smile resting on his lips in the picture was so unlike his now confident and happy grin.

"My God, he was adorable..." he whispered to himself, resisting the urge to do the whole "aww, it's so cuuute~!"-thing his brother did whenever he spotted a kitten or a baby animal of any kind, really. Surprisingly, it was a bit difficult.

His gaze travelled to the next picture, showing a teenage Antonio – now sporting the familiar smile, with a confident posture to his lanky figure. He was standing next to two people, a girl with dark blonde hair, held in place with a hair band, and a tall boy with hair that seemed to stick up in various gravity-defying angles, though with a strange system to it, as if it had been set that way on purpose. The girl had hooked arms with both boys, and the other boy was turning his head demonstratively away from the camera with a neutral, but somewhat embarrassed expression on his face. Not much one for taking pictures, apparently.

There weren't that many pictures showing people, though a few was of Antonio with different people Lovino could only assume were his friends back in Spain. Most pictures, were in fact of landscapes. There were pictures of dry desert-like landscape and green hills, flower meadows, buildings and everyday happenings such as a market, or an old couple holding hands by the sea.

Several of the pictures showed the sea, in all its dazzling bright blue glory, as well as the rocky cliffs and the sandy beaches along the coast of Spain. Lovino's gaze stopped at the last picture on the wall, and his eyes widened slightly in surprise.

He remembered that picture. Antonio had brought a camera when they went to the beach to surf last time, and while Lovino had protested quite a lot, he'd still managed to take a picture of the two of them. The Spaniard had held him close as the camera was reached out before them... Lovino couldn't remember smiling so warmly, though. He was taken aback by the small, shy smile resting on his lips as he glanced up at the camera. One eyebrow was still arched at Antonio's childish antics, and his hair was a curly mess, drawn back from his face. Antonio wasn't much better off, and his cheeks had a rosy tint, from joy or from blushing, Lovino couldn't be sure.

The picture's angle was crooked, they both looked like a pair of drowned – and blow-dried – cats, and it was far from perfect at all. Yet, Antonio had bothered hanging it up on his wall, as if it fitted in with the beautiful landscapes and the pictures of his friends. Swallowing heavily, he reached out to let his fingers hover tentatively above Antonio's smiling face.

A knock on the door made him give a small yelp of surprise, and he drew his hand back rapidly as his attention snapped to the door. Antonio was still in the kitchen, and had apparently not heard the sound.

"I am coming in," came a call, and the door swung open as a blonde man swept into the living room, glancing around for Antonio. Lovino had frozen in his spot by the book shelf, and as the other didn't seem to notice him, he had the chance to look him over for a bit.

This had to be Francis, Antonio's neighbour, he assumed, as the man had a definite French accent. He wasn't an unattractive man, slender and well-dressed, with slight stubbles of beard that look somewhat out of place on his soft-featured face. His shoulder-length hair waved gently down each side of his face, and a pair of blue eyes moved across the room before falling on the kitchen archway.

Lovino hoped the guest would go there without spotting him, but luck didn't seem to be on his side, as the Frenchman caught sight of him, blinking in surprise before smiling brightly.

"Ah, you must be Antonio's cute little Italian!" he cooed, coming over to Lovino, who was now as tense as a stock. Something about this man unnerved him a bit, and made him want to back away. "It is a pleasure to meet you, _mon cher_! My name is Francis, I am Antonio's neighbour." He held out a hand, which Lovino took suspiciously with a small nod.

"I'm Lovino, and I am no-one's _cute little Italian_," he all but growled. He might be Antonio's boyfriend, but after being pestered by a rather possessive Turk for so long, he wasn't too fond of the thought of "belonging" to anyone other than himself.

Francis merely laughed, shaking his hand energetically. "I see, I apologize." He didn't sound at all apologetic. "Antonio is in the kitchen, oui?"

"Nope, I'm right here." Antonio came out of the kitchen, wearing a cooking apron and smiling brightly at the Frenchman.

Lovino only listened half-heartedly as the two chatted about something or the other rapidly. Instead he took to observing Francis' animated gestures. Every dramatic swing of his hand, every expression and the way he shifted his weight from one leg to the other was elaborate and precise, clearly practiced and mastered for a long time. Lovino couldn't help but notice that his eyes were more soft and sincere when he was chatting with Antonio. Perhaps the Frenchman wasn't so bad after all, he mused silently.

"Sorry, Francis, but we can't right now... Lovino is still a bit ill, and I can't just-"

"I'll go with you. Um, if... you don't mind..." Lovino broke off his boyfriend hurriedly, but let his own words drift off embarrassedly. He'd only been partially listening, but apparently Francis had been asking if they wanted to come to some place in the city. All he could think off when Antonio began turning down the invitation, was that he was already being enough of a nuisance. If Antonio couldn't go out just because he was there to tie him to the apartment, then he'd feel even worse about it.

"Are you sure...?" the green-eyed Spaniard blinked, eyeing him carefully. Lovino could tell that Antonio was far from sure that this was a good idea, and to be honest, he wasn't entirely convinced himself. But what the hell was he supposed to do? Lock himself in his boyfriend's home and wait for Sadiq to either appear or go away for good? No, he couldn't take that kind of isolated life, and he definitely didn't want to isolate Antonio along with him. That wouldn't be fair at all.

"Yeah. I'm feeling fine," he said and gave the other a pointed look when he opened his mouth to voice further objections.

"Wonderful!" Francis smiled as Antonio gave in and agreed to the idea. "Then we will meet up at Elizaveta's tonight at seven, oui?"

Oh, so that's where they were going. Lovino's shoulders relaxed a bit at this. He hadn't heard where they were going, and had for a moment been afraid that they would pull him along to some bar to get drunk. At least Elizaveta's café was rather cosy.

"Yeah, sure," Antonio smiled, waving as the Frenchman practically skipped out the door. The smile turned to a hesitant frown as soon as the door closed, however, and Lovino sighed.

"I really am fine, you know," Lovino repeated.

"But Lovi, what if _he_ shows up?"

"What am I supposed to fucking do, huh? Stay inside and hide until he magically disappears?" Lovino waved his arms in exasperation, but could tell that his boyfriend still wasn't convinced.

"Maybe you really should call the police," the Spaniard murmured after a slight pause, and Lovino's shoulders sagged at this. It wasn't the first time this option came up, but it still scared him. Ever since Sadiq began hurting him, he'd been threatening that calling the police would only make things worse. He'd promised that if Lovino ever tried anything like that, he'd hurt his brother and anyone else he might care about. It just wasn't an option.

"I already told you that I can't..."

"I know you've said that, but I just want this to be over, Lovino! I want that fucking bastard behind bars where I'm sure he'll never be able to hurt you again!"

"Damn it, it's not that easy!" Lovino understood perfectly what the Spaniard meant, though, as he would give anything to know that Sadiq couldn't possibly come after him anymore.

Antonio just eyed him with an expression that made something twist painfully in his chest. Then the green gaze fell to the floor, and the lack of eye-contact made him feel all that much worse.

"Tell me, Lovi... If you were me, would you just stand by and watch your boyfriend being tormented by fear and anxiety? Wouldn't you want to protect him...?"

Lovino knew that if the situation had been reversed, he'd probably react just like Antonio had, and he knew for sure that he'd want to kick the guy's ass. But this wasn't only about them. A situation was rarely as simple as it looked, and more often than not, there were more people included in the mess.

"If it was you who was in _my_ situation," he said thickly, eyes never leaving Antonio's features, despite the lack of eye contact, "would you call the police if it meant endangering the only family member you had left?"

"All right, point taken... But damn, I hate this, Lovino." The Spaniard ran a hand through his hair, before giving a small, weak smile and holding out his arms in invitation. Lovino obliged without a second thought. At times, it felt good just to be held and comforted. It was a luxury he hadn't had ever since he was little. He could always get used to it, though. However comfortable it was, however, he couldn't help but notice a rather unpleasant scent.

"Antonio?"

"Hm?"

"I think your kitchen is on fire..."

oOo

* * *

><p>One charred, burnt, but far from unpleasant meal and some afternoon relaxation later, the two walked in the doors of Elizaveta's café, which had more guests now than last time they were there.<p>

"There they are." Antonio smiled, taking his hand and leading him towards a booth closer to the karaoke set, where a woman in her thirties was currently singing an upbeat country tune. Lovino hesitated as he noticed this. It was karaoke night? Surely, they weren't here to sing, where they? Still, he swallowed his fears, letting the other lead him over to the booth, where Francis was sitting along with two other people.

"There you are!" Francis smiled brightly at them, and Antonio grinned back, greeting the other two. From what Antonio had told him, Lovino could tell that the man with silvery white hair and red eyes had to be Gilbert, though he wasn't sure about the lithe blonde man sitting next to him.

Greetings were exchanged quickly, and Lovino found that his guess had been correct, and that the blonde was Gilbert's boyfriend, Matthew. Gilbert came off as loud and a bit arrogant, and Matthew could at first meeting be described as his exact opposite; sweet, calm and mild-mannered. As time passed, and conversation began to flow freely, however, Lovino began thinking that maybe they weren't quite as different as they seemed. Gilbert turned out to be a more complex person than he let on, and appeared calmer and more sensible as he began feeling more comfortable, while Matthew turned out to be more self-assured and strong than he first appeared.

"I am feeling oddly left out," Francis joked as they all grew a bit more secure in each others' company, "being the only one without a companion."

"Speaking of which, Franny, what did you do to that Brit you were dating?" Gilbert asked good-naturally, adding a smirk. "Decided he wasn't 'Mr. Right' after all?"

"Non, Arthur and I are still dating." There was a synchronized gasp from both Gilbert and Antonio, as if they had practiced reacting at the exact same moment for years, and they gave each other a mock horrified glance. "I know, it is rather uncharacteristic of me," Francis admitted, smiling in a way that showed he didn't mind his friends' teasing at all.

"So, he ditched you?"

"He had to go home to Angleterre for a while," Francis gave a sad sigh, but then piped up again. "Hey, let us sing instead of talking!" he suggested, and Lovino felt his heart sink. So that really was part of the reason they came here.

"Yeah!" Antonio and Gilbert agreed whole-heartedly, while Matthew gave a hesitant glance at the karaoke machine with a small smile. The next minute, the gentle Canadian gave a yelp, however, as Gilbert pulled him to his feet.

"Come on, Mattie, let's sing a duet!"

And the madness began. Lovino had to admit it was rather fun to listen to his friends – strangely, addressing the odd group as friends felt almost natural – sing song after song, to the great joy of the rest of the café's inhabitants. None of them were bad singers, though they at times sang in an exaggerated comical way, and thus made for an entertaining form of entertainment.

"Thank you!" Gilbert finished a song he'd been singing, dipping into an elegant bow and pretending that the scattered applause in the small café was the over-enthusiastic response from a whole dome of cheering fans. The mood had gone from happy, upbeat songs to more calm and slow songs.

Lovino applauded along with the rest, feeling rather comfortable actually. It had been so long since he'd been able to just go out and enjoy himself, and he found that he could get used to hanging out with friends like this. The feeling quickly morphed into discomfort, however as the others turned to him.

"What...?" he asked, although he already knew what they were suggesting. It was evident in their eager expressions. Quickly lifting his hands in a 'no way'-motion, he shook his head violently. "No. I'm not singing."

"Oh come on, Lov!" Gilbert said, giving a pout that looked utterly comical on his face. Lovino nearly groaned at the nickname, which the German had started using earlier that night, finding some strange amusement in the fact that it sounded just like how British people would call someone "love".

Francis nodded in agreement. "Please sing! It is not like there are much expectations in a place like this, people just sing and listen to have a good time, not to criticize."

"But I... I am not very good..." Lovino protested meekly. It wasn't that he disliked singing, he greatly enjoyed it in fact. It was the part about singing with an audience that didn't sit right with him.

"Oh, it can't be worse than some of those we've heard tonight, eh?" Even Matthew joined in on the argument, the one person he thought might support his case.

"Please, Lovi? One song?" Antonio spoke up now, eying him with a soft expression that made his resolve melt like butter in the summer sun.

"Tch, whatever. You brought this upon yourself, mind you!" he snapped, though his nervousness slipped through his pretensions, making the glare he gave them all lose some of its effect.

The walk up to the make-shift stage was terribly long, and was made even worse as people applauded and cheered him on. Blushing a deep red, he looked through the songs, finding one he had always been quite fond of, and choosing that one before grabbing the microphone. The lights felt painfully warm on his face, as he gazed stiffly out at the crowd, waiting for the music to begin.

Why the hell had he let himself be talked into this? Oh God, he was feeling faint now, he couldn't deal with this. It had to be an alternative form of hell. He shuffled his feet anxiously, regretting the song choice, regretting letting his guard down, regretting the whole trip to this damn café, despite it all...

And then the intro began, calm, sad and oddly reassuring. Closing his eyes for a brief moment, he took a deep breath, focusing on the music... and he began singing.

oOo

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><p><em>Thanks for reading! Have a good weekend, everyone~<em>

_Angleterre – England (French)_


	13. Chapter 12

_Thank you so much to asdfghjkl for yet another wonderful review~! You're very kind! ^^ And thanks to Cylobaby as well! Reviews make me so happy, whether their anonymous or not~ : ) Anyways, here's a new chapter for you all! The song used in this is "Mad world", originally by Tears for Fears, although I personally prefer the version sung by Gary Jules. It's a beautiful song, I recommend you listen to it if you haven't heard it before!_

oOo

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><p>The café was so still that one could feel the silence rather than hear it. Many recognized the sorrowful tunes of the song that the nervous young man had chosen. But it was the moment he began singing that everyone stopped their quiet chatter, to turn their full attention to the small stage.<p>

Lovino's voice bore no signs of distress, soft yet strong as it was, and his face had fallen into a solemn expression that fit the song so incredibly well.

_All around me are familiar faces  
>Worn out places, worn out faces<br>Bright and early for their daily races  
>Going nowhere, going nowhere<br>Their tears are filling up their glasses  
>No expression, no expression<br>Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow  
>No tomorrow, no tomorrow<em>

Antonio realized rather early on that this wasn't singing. No, the heavenly sounds that flowed across his boyfriend's lips were nothing but raw emotion. It was as if he was telling a story of his own painful experiences. As if he spoke directly from his heart.

"_Mein Gott_, he's so good..." he distantly heard Gilbert whisper from across the table, voice filled with something akin to awe, something that did not happen very often. A choked, thick "Oui" from his right told him Francis agreed completely.

And I find it kinda funny  
>I find it kinda sad<br>The dreams in which I'm dying  
>Are the best I've ever had<br>I find it hard to tell you  
>I find it hard to take<br>When people run in circles  
>It's a very, very mad world, mad world<p>

The last lines of the chorus were so soft, so utterly vulnerable that Antonio wanted to sing along just to keep the song alive and going. Closing his eyes, Lovino began on the second verse, and Antonio could tell that he was no longer standing in front of a crowd of people. He was calm, completely letting himself _feel_ the music. Perhaps, the Spaniard thought, Lovino was, in his own mind, sitting on the rocks in his secret spot by the ocean.

Children waiting for the day they feel good  
>Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday<br>Made to feel the way that every child should  
>Sit and listen, sit and listen<br>Went to school and I was very nervous  
>No one knew me, no one knew me<br>Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson  
>Look right through me, look right through me<p>

There was a certain painful bitterness and sorrow in his tone that fit well with the song's meaning, and when he drifted off at the last sentence, there was a look in his intense golden eyes that sent shivers down Antonio's back. By the time he sung the final chorus, Francis was far from the only one crying.

When people run in circles  
>It's a very, very mad world ... mad world<br>Enlarge your world  
>Mad world...<p>

The song drifted off, and in the silence that followed, one could hear quiet sniffles. Lovino stood for a moment, before blinking and reverting back to reality and letting his gaze move around anxiously. His eyes widened ever so slightly in alarm when he took notice of the tears.

Before he got the chance to draw the conclusion that his singing was so bad that people were crying in pain, a blessed soul further back stood silently, and began applauding. The chain reaction that followed soon had the entire café's customers on their feet, applauding. As for the startled Italian, he was still standing shell-shocked on stage, clearly at a loss of words.

Unable to sit still any longer – or, well, _stand_ still, as he'd jumped to his feet to applaud enthusiastically along with the others – Antonio made his way over to his boyfriend, embracing him in a hug.

"Dear God, Lovi... that was..." he shook his head, finding no words strong enough to describe what he felt at the moment. Instead, he smiled softly, motioning with his head towards the crowd. "See? You're not as insignificant as you think." A single tear rolled down the Italian's cheek as he stood there, various emotions battling for victory in his eyes. He quickly dried it off, and lifted the microphone to his lips.

"G-Grazie..." he whispered. Such a small, simple word, yet holding so much emotion that the crowd cheered even louder. As they headed back to their table, many of the customers gave him an encouraging clap on the back or a touched smile, and while it clearly made him nervous, Antonio could tell that this was something that the other had needed. He had needed to feel that something he had done was _good enough_.

Finally they reached their table, sitting down as people began calming down again, finding their places and drying their tears.

"_Mon Dieu_..." Francis proceeded to begin rambling in French, tears still rolling.

Gilbert grinned. "Come on Franny, give him the compliments in a language he can comprehend," he said, before turning to Lovino, giving him a warm, true smile. Antonio knew the German wasn't one for overly touchy-feely stuff, and the sentiment meant more than anything he might have said.

"I do not 'ave words in Anglais..." Francis sniffled, both voice and accent thick with emotion.

"Lovino, that was amazing!" It was Matthew who spoke what none of them could, and Lovino's blush only deepened as he sat there, unable to say anything. Antonio kept an arm around him, and the other didn't complain, still looking as if he couldn't believe he'd just been up on stage,singing his heart out.

"Oh, shut up," he whispered after a while, but the biting words were not very biting at all. The golden eyes were focused intently on his lap. "Tch... I made everyone all depressed, didn't I?" he said after a while, a tiny smile touching his lips as he glanced up at them.

"Not depressed, Lovinito; _Touched_." Antonio corrected mildly, pulling his boyfriend closer.

No one sang after that, and the radio was instead put on. It seemed as if people were afraid to break the mood that had settled in after the Italian's song. Personally, Antonio thought that they might be a bit put off at the high expectations Lovino now had set, and knew they could never be as good as him.

A lot of people could sing. A lot of people could sing incredibly well too. But few could sing with as much emotion and sincerity as Lovino Vargas had just proven he could. It really was a shame that Lovino thought so badly of his own abilities. As the others asked him where he'd learnt to sing and other questions, he eventually snapped at them that it wasn't important, and "could they please talk about something else, God damn it?"

So the subject was swiftly changed, and the evening turned into night as they finished up the gathering and left with the promise to do it again sometime soon.

"Tonight was so much fun!" Antonio stated as they were well back at the apartment, closing and locking the door behind them. He had to admit that he'd been very nervous before going, not knowing how his boyfriend would get along with his rather... eccentric friends. The thought of Sadiq also lingered in the back of his consciousness, and he couldn't help but think that he'd turn up out of no-where, any time.

"It was kind of fun," Lovino admitted, giving a tired sigh as he sat down on the couch. "Your friends are fucking weird. But... I guess they're not too bad. Besides, they're not as weird as you are, and I have no problems with you, so..." he drifted off, blushing and looking away as he realized what he'd just said.

"Aw, you like my weirdness?" Antonio smirked, sitting down on the couch next to the other, blinking exaggeratedly as he put on his best cute-puppy-face.

"W-well, it's part of what makes you who you are, so yeah..." The Italian blushed even deeper. "Shit, I think my brain has gone to sleep, I'm spewing all this mushy, cliché stuff now."

"Oh! That's the perfect mood to watch a cliché romance movie, isn't it?" Antonio grinned, while his boyfriend eyed him incredulously.

"_Now_? Antonio, the clock is half past twelve."

"Exactly!" Without another word, he leapt off the couch, putting an old DVD in the player. Despite Lovino's half-hearted protests, ten minutes later they were seated comfortably, with a cheesy movie and a large bowl of warm popcorn.

oOo

* * *

><p>As it turned out, waking up on the couch, half way in Antonio's arms, feet dangling over the arm rest of the couch, and with popcorn both in his hair and on his shirt, was not what Lovino would consider a good start on a day. Waking up from a head crashing into his stomach, and a startled cry from his boyfriend wasn't Antonio's idea for a perfect morning either, to be honest.<p>

After the initial apologies had been exchanged, it seemed that the day was destined to arguments. At least they hadn't had to argue about who was to use the bed and not. Antonio didn't regret falling asleep on the couch with Lovino, as it wasn't much any of them could have done about that last night. Still, he wished he would have remembered that Lovino was a jumpy and high-strung person, even when fully awake. Half asleep and confused, he was practically dangerous, the Spaniard noted mentally as he rubbed his bruised stomach with a sigh.

Breakfast had been one argument. Then they argued about who was to use the shower first. And finally came the argument that Antonio really would have preferred they didn't have.

"Are you really sure, Lovi?" he felt a bit like a concerned mother, hands on his hips as he eyed his boyfriend uncertainly.

"I have to go to work, you bastard! I've been absent for far too long already!" Lovino was clearly frustrated, but Antonio wasn't about to give up. Lovino had just been released from hospital, and the doctors had told him he should try to avoid stressful situations and over-working himself. Naturally, the stubborn Italian wasn't about to be confined to an apartment just like that.

"But what if-"

"For fuck's sake, I already told you I'm not going to sit around and wait for something to happen! What the hell do you expect? Sadiq isn't stupid, he won't come barging in and kidnap me from work!" The Italian threw his arms in the air in exasperation. When he got worked up, he tended to gesticulate a lot more animatedly than usual, a habit Antonio normally found rather cute.

"But what if he does? Lovino, you just came out of hospital, you're tired and stressed out..." Antonio tried his best to reason with the stubborn Italian, giving him a pleading look in hopes of changing his mind. "I know we've had this discussion before, but I'm only worried about you!"

"Then don't fucking worry about me! I'm fine on my own, damn it, I don't need anyone to worry! I don't need anyone!"

Just as the words were said, the living room fell silent, and the argument died out. Antonio knew he shouldn't feel hurt, after all; Lovino only said that because it was a defence mechanism he'd built up over a long time, and he had a hard time breaking down. Even so, his shoulders sagged and he could suddenly imagine what it was like to be a balloon that had just been pierced by a needle.

"If you say so." He gave a weak smile that made him feel just as pathetic as he probably looked. "But... take a taxi directly to and from work, won't you? And call me if... if you need anything. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Okay... So, uh... see you later then. You have the spare key, right? Okay... bye."

Taking the steps out his apartment door and into the hall way had never before been such a difficult procedure. The tense silence haunted him as he trudged down the stairs and out onto the street, deciding against taking a taxi and instead taking off in a light jog, hoping to get rid of the inner turmoil he felt. He was already early as it was, and needed to vent in some way or the other.

Antonio had always hated heated arguments, fights and other things that he deemed unpleasant and upsetting. Ever since he was little, he had shied away from anything of the sort, and while he'd grown up to learn that it wasn't always something one could avoid, it still had him upset. Antonio hated being upset. It made his stomach ache, and it usually led to a process of guilt and regret.

Was he in the right to feel guilty, though? He'd only been worried about his boyfriend's well being, wasn't that natural? Then again, he probably shouldn't expect the other to willingly stay coped up in the apartment for God knows how long, until Sadiq decided he'd waited long enough.

When he reached the flower store, he felt far from any better, and it was still half an hour until he was supposed to open. Sighing, he stuffed his hands in his pockets, taking a moment to watch the city wake up from the night. People had begun opening their stores, preparing for a busy day. Lights were turned on inside the various buildings and signs were switched to "open".

As if life really did have something against him this particular morning, Antonio was brought out of his thoughts by the loud tunes of the national anthem of the United States, just as he'd finally managed to block out some of the negative thoughts. Grunting, he turned his head to see a blonde man walking energetically down the street, a large Starbucks coffee in one hand and a cell phone - of the modern touch-type, with the American flag on the back – in the other. Antonio snickered quietly at how obviously American the young man was. The laughter died in his throat, however, when he started speaking to whoever was at the other end of the call.

"Lovino, hey! Jeez, man, where've you been, you haven't been to work for ages! You ok? You haven't gotten really sick, have you? Are you- Ok, I'll shut up, sorry."

Antonio kept an eye on the man as he slowed his pace, clearly focused on his phone call and not caring about anyone who could hear the conversation. Listening intently, the guy kept nodding as if the person he was talking to could see him. Steadily, a crease appeared on his forehead, looking quite out of place.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me – a stalker?" The blonde stopped abruptly, blue eyes wide. Antonio could hardly breathe, listening closely while trying desperately to look normal where he stood, only a few feet away from the guy now. Was it _his_ Lovino? But, he wouldn't tell some random guy from work about Sadiq would he? Just like that? And over the phone?

"Yeah, ex-boyfriend or not, that still classifies as stalker, dude! And you say he's... Shit, man..." Wait a second, Lovino would certainly not just blurt out that he was gay like that either. Unless this man already knew... If, by any small chance, this was _his_ Lovino on the phone, what relationship did he have with this fellow? Antonio swallowed, forcing himself to take a breath as he began getting a bit dizzy.

"Mhm... yeah... Oh, right! Yeah, I'm heading over there now, I'll do it right away. You sure you don't want me to pick you up, though?" The man winced and held the phone a bit away from his ear before chuckling good-naturally. "Ok, ok, sorry, I forgot about your pride. Jeez, someone's gotten up on the wrong side of bed today." He pushed his glasses up on the bridge of his nose, walking past Antonio, glancing at him only briefly and giving a friendly nod, as if acknowledging random bystanders on the street was as natural as breathing to him. "Hey, don't worry 'bout it, Lovi. What are friends for?" He chuckled again, flicking the phone shut as he walked on down the street, eventually disappearing out of Antonio's view.

"Lovi...?" Antonio's voice was merely a whisper as he repeated the familiar nickname, uttered by a stranger's tongue. The slightly lighter mood he'd managed to get a hold of seemed to have vanished, replaced by a new knot of negative emotions, which had collected like a lump of lead somewhere in his chest region. _Lovi_? There was no way this was _his_ Lovi. Yet, somehow, he wasn't so sure about that anymore. What was the chance of another Lovino living in the same, small city – another Lovino who was also gay and pestered by an insane ex-boyfriend?

Who was that American guy anyway? Someone from work? _What are friends for?_ Antonio had been under the impression that Lovino tended to keep everyone and anyone at a distance, yet this man obviously considered them to be friends. Would Lovino tell someone who was just a "friend" about something like that, so easily?

"Isn't this store supposed to be open by now...?" A girl asked, glancing at her companion where they stood outside the flower store. The flower store he was supposed to open about fifteen minutes ago.

"Ah, sorry, I forgot the time! I'll open right now!" he tried to smile, quickly pushing his thoughts away and getting ready for a new, and busy day.

* * *

><p>As morning gave way for early afternoon, however, he concluded that it wasn't meant to be a busy day. In fact, it was a rather long and boring one, which gave him plenty of time to think about the unsettling mystery of "Mr. America" as he'd started calling the guy in his mind.<p>

It annoyed him to no end that he was actually nervous about this whole thing. And here he thought Lovino was supposed to be the one with the trust-issues and fears, not him. More than anything, he despised that sinking feeling in his gut that tried to tell him that something was going on here. It made him feel miserable and horribly guilty for distrusting his boyfriend.

Leaning back across the counter so that his head dangled over the edge at a not-so-comfortable angle, he let out a stream of air as he watched the store from an upside down point of view. It was rather strange to see people walk past outside, upside down. Everyone were hurrying around, to get from point A to point B. Always hurrying, as though arriving a second late to whatever appointment they had would kill them.

Antonio found it sad that everyone were so stressed out. No one took the time to look around anymore. No one noticed little things like the first dandelion in spring, or the magnificent display of colours on the sky during sunset. There was always somewhere to go, someone to meet. Always an e-mail to write or a phone call to answer...

"And when people run in circles, it's a very, very mad world..." he sung quietly to himself, voice soft and a bit strained by the awkward position he was in, "... Mad world..."

oOo

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><p><em>This chapter was a bit shorter than the previous ones, but I hope you liked it anyway. Feel free to leave me a review, telling me what you thought of it, because that would make me very happy~ ^^<em>

_Mein Gott – My God (German)_

_Grazie – Thank you/thanks (Italian)_

_Mon Dieu – My God (French)_

_Anglais – English (French)_


	14. Chapter 13

_Thank you so much to Asdfghjkl, MadTomatoAlice and Cylobaby for the anonymous reviews, and thanks to everyone else who has read and reviewed too! I really appreciate it, you guys! ^^_

_I hope you'll enjoy this chapter~_

oOo

* * *

><p>"Jeez, Lovino, you look like shit..." Alfred studied him anxiously through the glass of his fine-rimmed glasses, but Lovino pointedly avoided his gaze.<p>

"I'm fine," he said. Of course he knew his tone was biting. Of course he knew that it had taken on the cold, monotone touch it always did when he was upset. He could vaguely remember how their grandfather had pointed out that an Italian's voice should be filled with warmth, passion, and life - it wasn't meant to sound like the voice of an old man who'd closed his eyes to the sun.

... Or whatever poetic shit it was he'd spouted at the time, Lovino couldn't quite remember his exact words.

At the time, those words had hurt him greatly. To him, it was like being told yet again that he wasn't worthy of his own existence. He was Italian, but not _truly_ Italian, like Feliciano apparently was. According to their grandfather at least – but then again, the guy had always been slightly on the loony side, in Lovino's opinion.

Yet, how could anyone talk with warmth, passion, or life, when they felt tired, scared and angry all at the same time. Sure, he could always lie. Lie to himself, and to the world. He could always pretend. But somehow, his voice remained the same, no matter how hard he tried. Then, at one point, he began talking in such a cold tone all the time, as it was easier to let it be angry and harsh than to make it bright and cheerful. His grandfather had tried everything to make him smile, and to make him laugh. But whenever he did, he'd say things like "Can't you smile brightly, like Feli always does?" and Lovino would sputter profanities instead, running off and hiding his tears behind furious fits of anger.

Feliciano always found him, no matter where he'd hide, and he'd calm him down in the best way a young child could do – by hugging him, and smiling that sweet, toothless smile of his. Lovino loved his brother for that. No matter how much pain he had caused Lovino – unintentionally, of course – he was always the one to heal him as well.

But now... Now, Antonio had come along, and Lovino had learned that he _did_ still have the ability to smile. He _did_ still have the ability to speak with warmth, with passion, with life. Because of that damn Spaniard, he'd regained something he thought he had lost.

Was that the reason it hurt so much when Antonio had looked at him that morning, eyes shining with hurt? Was that the reason he felt horrible when his boyfriend walked out the door, shoulders looking as if they were carrying the weight of ten full sacks of potatoes?

"You're not fine. Anyone can see that." A bit startled, he blinked and looked up to see that his co-worker, and friend – although the friend-part was still something Lovino hadn't quite figured out yet –, wore an expression he'd never seen on the cheerful American before. "Lovino, I'm worried 'bout you."

There it was again. Worry. How he hated that word, it made his defences crumble dangerously, and his temper flared up as an automatic reflex, in order to regain control before the wall was broken entirely. Why did people insist that they worry about him, when he clearly didn't deserve it? It was _his_ problem, _his_ burden, and the thought of anyone else suffering for it scared him senseless.

"Don't..." he whispered, lips pursing tightly as he went back to his work. For once in his life, however, he found that even amounts of paper work that would sicken any other man, didn't have the soothing, numbing effect it usually had. "Please, don't."

Alfred eyed him incredulously, various emotions dancing across his face for a moment, before settling in the previous saddened frown again. "I hate seeing people in pain. It makes me feel helpless." His words were soft-spoken and there was no trace of his trademark good mood. Lovino clutched the paper he was holding, biting his lip.

"I'm not in pain." An obvious lie. Why was it that sometimes, he felt like he could open his heart for a moment, and tell the blonde exactly what was on his mind, while other times, he retracted back into his shell again? Like just this morning, for example, he'd called Alfred. Sure, his main excuse was to ask for a favour, something he could easily have done himself when he got to work. His main _reason_, however, was in no way work-related.

Lovino rarely, if ever, found consolation in talking to other people. He wasn't the type to "call a friend" to complain and beg for some sympathy. Despite this fact, however, he had found himself pushing the dial button on his phone, and had ended up telling his new friend about Sadiq. Sure, his words had been scarce at best, and he'd only mentioned the roughest aspects of the story, but the fact remained that he _had_ opened his heart just a little bit further.

Not that Alfred was the main reason his defences were crumbling. It was the entire situation. Slowly, more people seemed to edge closer, lead by Antonio. It terrified him, and he felt very much like a vulnerable little child who was torn away from everything familiar and thrown into a dark abyss. Admittedly, there was something warm and inviting about this dark abyss, but it wasn't strong enough to make him dare to take the final step.

"You might be right. You're not in pain," Alfred said quietly, "you're in agony. And I wish you would let me in so I could help..."

"What on earth could you do to help?" Lovino couldn't help but growl out, but Alfred didn't look like he took the harsh words to heart. Instead he puffed out his chest a little.

"I don't know. But I'm a hero, and heroes always find a way to help." It was spoken in such a confident way, but although there was a proud expression on the American's face, there was still a small insecurity resting in his eyes. Something vulnerable, as if he was expecting a sharp comment about how he couldn't possibly be a hero. As if he almost had trouble believing his own words.

Even so, Lovino felt a lump rise in his throat at Alfred's selfless words and the kindness behind them, but swallowed it, eventually rising to stand, shakily beginning to collect his stuff. "I... I think Antonio was right," he murmured, heaving a shuddering sigh, "coming here wasn't a good idea."

His boyfriend had been absolutely correct when he had said that Lovino was tired and stressed out. This wasn't something he could work off his mind, and it wasn't something he could solve on his own. Yet, he wasn't able to ask for help either. He wasn't able to accept being 'saved by a hero'.

All in all, he felt as if stuck in quicksand. The more he fought on his own, the further he sunk – yet he was unable to reach the hands that were stretched out towards him.

"Whoa...!" Blinking, he realized he'd almost fallen, supported heavily by an alarmed Alfred. Somehow, he was unable to break from the contact, however, even as the dizzy spell faded. Instead, he was pulled closer by the warmth that the other radiated, and before he really knew what was going on, he was leaning into the other, struggling to contain his tears as clutched at Alfred's suit jacket. In the end, he couldn't keep them at bay, and gave a strangled gasp as they began dripping onto his friend's shirt.

Alfred said nothing, only held him gently, and let him cry. It was different from crying into Antonio's chest. Instead of the warm feeling of peace and love he got when the Spaniard held him close, this was more like... hugging Feliciano. An unspoken understanding, of sorts; the type that often passed between siblings. Never had he expected to find such a thing in a friend. Then again, he had never had all that many friends, so he wouldn't know.

All he knew was that it felt good.

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><p>Alfred had taken him back to the apartment building after that. Their boss had no protests against the fact that Lovino would take some time off, and instead encouraged him to take care of himself, and to come back when he was feeling better. Lovino had never been close to the boss, despite the man's efforts to stay familiar with his workers, but the man's easy-going and kind nature never failed to astonish him.<p>

Back at the apartment, he sighed, biting his lip as he stood awkwardly in front of the door. Alfred had gone back to work quite some time ago, after questioning his well-being for the thousandth time. Yet, he just couldn't seem to enter the apartment, despite having a spare key. Would Antonio be home? No, there would still be at least a couple of hours until he got back, most likely.

The thought of sitting alone in the unfamiliar apartment wasn't very pleasant, as it would just make him sit around and dread the moment the Spaniard would come home. Would Antonio still be hurt by his words that morning...? Would Lovino be able to apologize without offending him again?

Sighing, the Italian shoved his hands into his pockets, and turned around to head outside again. As if he was working on auto-pilot, he caught a taxi, which swiftly took him to a spot near his and Feliciano's house. From there he wandered off towards the only place he could really get away from his thoughts.

Despite his exhaustion, his feet travelled easily across the rocks by the sea, slightly slippery by the rain that had fallen the previous night. Reaching his sacred spot, he found his usual seat on a relatively flat rock, pulling his jacket tighter around himself as he sat down, drawing his knees up to his chest.

The sound of the ocean waves was calming, as always, and he closed his eyes, sighing softly. "Damn it..." he whispered to himself, for no particular reason, kicking and hitting the rocks beside him in a somewhat childish manner, as if doing so would distract his thoughts. When it didn't help, he found himself doing what he usually ended up doing when sitting here – singing.

He was so tired, he hardly even noticed as it began drizzling slightly, and early afternoon turned to late afternoon. By the time he realized he must have been sitting there for hours, he was beyond caring. Replacing his earlier fears, a numb sort of wonder had settled in. Would Antonio come looking for him? Would he be scared when Lovino didn't come home from work? Or maybe he was angry with him and wouldn't care after all.

_No_, a voice in the back of his mind protested. Antonio would care. He always cared so much more than he should. He'd come looking, there was no doubt about it.

But... would he find him? This thought struck a chord, and Lovino blinked out of his numbness, realizing just where he was and that he was thoroughly soaked through and shivering by now. Cursing at his own stupidity for spacing out like that, he reached into his pocket, only to frown. Searching every pocket he had, he came out empty-handed. Just perfect, he even forgot his phone back at the apartment. Slowly, he moved to stand, and staggered forward. After only a few steps, though, he slipped, having lost coordination of his body due to the cold. Falling to his hands and knees, he gasped as something cut into his knee. Oh no...

"Don't look... Pretend it's not bleeding. Just don't look at it and you'll be fine..." he muttered to himself, swallowing back his nausea and struggling to get up again. "Fuck, it hurts..." Taking a few more steps, he stumbled again and again, finally deciding with a sinking feeling in his chest that there was no way he'd get safely across the rocks in his current condition. "Ah, shit..." Getting over to a tree that stood there, he part sat, part collapsed at its roots, looking at anything but his knee while trying not to focus on the panic steadily building up in his chest, rising like a suffocating lump into his throat.

As he sat there, his knee eventually went numb just like the rest of his body, and he kept his eyes locked on the cloudy sky. It was getting late. And here he had just planned on going out for a short while to clear his mind.

"Great going, you idiot, you even manage to get into such a mess just from a walk..." he grumbled to himself, miserably. For some reason, cursing at himself and using sarcasm made it slightly easier to deal with the situation. It was easier than to admit to himself that he was scared. Scared of freezing to death, scared of falling to his death if he attempted to walk, but most of all; scared of not being found. Suddenly, having a secret spot didn't seem like such a good idea anymore.

Leaning back against the tree trunk, he sighed, pulling his jacket closer around himself. Wasn't it strange that it could be this cold when it was still just early autumn? There were still traces of summer left, after all, couldn't the temperature have been a little more forgiving?

The sound of footsteps alerted his attention, and relief washed over him. To think someone would have found him out here, what luck! Sitting more upright, he turned his gaze to his left – and felt every last ounce of warmth leave his body as he stared at the tall man standing nonchalantly only a few feet away.

"Well, look what I found. Good evening, Lovino darling," he drawled, hood drawn up and casting his face in shadows. He looked just like a modern-day version of the Grim Reaper with his hood like that. Lovino tried to stand, but fell again as his legs couldn't seem to carry him at all. "Are you afraid, _Lovi_?" Sadiq's voice had a strange tone to it, but Lovino couldn't see his expression.

Pulling back against the foot of the tree, memories flashed through his mind. Was Sadiq here to kill him? To finish what he had failed to do earlier? The reason he'd done that at all was because he thought Lovino was cheating on him, based on groundless paranoia. What would he do now that he knew for certain that Lovino had a boyfriend? After all, no one would know if he was to fall into the ocean here in this place, sinking into the dark void never to surface again.

"Antonio... will be here." He stuttered out, not even sure why he said it. "I... called him earlier! He k-knows where I am!"

"Tsk. You can do better than that. You're usually an excellent liar." The man chuckled, still standing in the same position, body posture deceptively relaxed.

"He'll be here." Lovino was surprised at how confident he sounded when said these words, as if believing it strongly enough would make it come true. Apparently, Sadiq found the notion very amusing.

"You really think he cares, don't you?" The Turk laughed openly now, finally pulling his hood back and letting his eyes fall upon Lovino. He didn't look angry, but Lovino knew that could change in a split second if the right trigger was pulled. "You really think he would come looking for you. Oh, my poor little fool..."

For some reason, Lovino was the one to grow angry, and his head cleared a bit from its previous hazy state, as he straightened ever so slightly. "He'll _be here_!" he found himself insisting, clenching his teeth in an attempt to still their chattering.

Sadiq's eyes narrowed just in the slightest. "He won't," he replied, "he's probably sitting at his apartment right now, with someone else. 'Good riddance', he's probably thinking."

"No... You're wrong! Antonio is-"

"-Is just like everyone else!" There it was; the deep growling tone he always got when he was getting angry. Lovino winced, struck both by the tone and the words. "No one has bothered with you before. No one. Not your grandfather, not even your fucking parents! Why would _he_?"

"H-he's... different..."

"No, he's not different. He's just like everyone else! He's just sticking around until he finds someone better. Someone like your brother, for example. Now, dear _Feli_ is someone worth going after..."

"You're w-wrong..." Lovino's words were getting weaker as his arguments slowly died in his throat. It made perfect sense after all. Just why _would_ Antonio bother with him, when there were so many people in the world who were so much better? A guy like Antonio could have anyone he wanted, with his good looks, his good mood, and his good heart. The Spaniard was perfect, and way out of his league.

But Antonio was the one who'd made the effort to enter his life. He had come after him when he had an emotional breakdown when they went surfing the first time. He had lit up like a sun just from hearing Lovino say his name. He had come to his house after Sadiq had been there, and had stayed with him, even letting him stay at his apartment.

Through all the memories, made in such a short amount of time, one particular one shone through. His eyes widened slightly when he recalled the time Antonio had called and asked him out again, even after being violently rejected. 'I'm not the kind of guy anyone would want to date,' Lovino had said at the time, and Antonio's answer had been so secure and honest.

_I'm not anyone._

Those words were probably the very reason Lovino had allowed himself to trust the cheerful Spaniard, despite all his fears.

"Antonio isn't like everyone else." his words held no trace of doubt anymore, so confident that it felt as if someone else was speaking, using his lips.

Obviously, Sadiq was just as surprised, eyebrows rising and something flashing in his eyes. "He's really fooled you good hasn't he?"

"I don't care what you say. Antonio cares about me. He's not like _you_!" The cold must have messed with his brain. His mouth clearly wouldn't listen to the same logic that had the rest of his body frozen in fright. The logic that stated that Sadiq was insane, and definitely not someone he wanted to provoke.

"Not like me, you say?" Lovino's body was too numb to react when a pair of strong hands lifted him by the front of his jacket, and Sadiq's dark eyes burned into his, wild and dangerous. "I cared about you! You had no one except your idiot baby brother, and I stayed with you, didn't I?"

"Cared?" Lovino let out a strangled chuckle, despite himself. "You hurt me. Tortured me. And then... you killed me." The last words were shockingly dark and bitter, and for a moment, he wondered if that wasn't fear in Sadiq's eyes. It was a wonderful feeling, to finally render the other man speechless, even if only for a short moment.

The next second, he gasped as he was crashed against the trunk of the tree, and Sadiq leant in, face just centimetres away from his own, twisted into such a sinister grin that Lovino was tempted to throw himself off the cliff to get away, saving the other the trouble.

"This Antonio is in the way. He's blinded you... turned you against me. Your brother too. Yeah... They are all in the way." As suddenly as he'd been forced against the tree, Sadiq let him go, stepping away. "I was hoping it wouldn't come to this, but it can't be helped – they have to disappear…" The words were quiet and almost feverish, as if the man was trying to convince himself he was doing the right thing. "I guess I'll start with Feliciano. See if I can't make you change your mind."

The frightened Italian could literarily feel the blood draining from his face as he stared after the retreating back of the Turk that seemed intent on ruining his life yet again.

"Don't you dare...!" he screamed, stumbling to his feet and forcing his body forward. "Don't you dare hurt him!" But Sadiq was gone, and he couldn't keep up. Tears sprung to his eyes as he broke into a run across the rocks, paying no mind to the foaming waves beneath him or the pain rippling through his body as he pushed his aching, cold body forward.

The rocks beneath his feet threatened to throw him off balance several times, and every time his feet slipped on the unsteady surface, Lovino half expected to fall into the waiting arms of the ocean beneath him. A few times, he would fall, sharp rocks cutting at his hands and knees as he struggled to get up again. The blood no longer bothered him – he couldn't even see it, in his panicked daze.

It was no less than a miracle that he managed to get safely back to civilization, and he really had no idea how he'd done it. But he did get out on the grass meadow where the path to the secret spot began. Never before had it felt better to have safe and steady ground beneath his feet, and it allowed him to move forward at a greater speed than before.

But adrenaline could only take him so far in his current condition, and despite the firm ground did nothing to help as his wild running turned into an unsteady trot, eventually slowing into stumbling steps as he swayed dangerously on his weakened feet. His lungs felt like they had been set on fire and were filled with hazardous gas, and every breath felt like getting stabbed.

"H-help me... An...tonio" His words hardly got out between his desperate gasps for oxygen. "Antonio…!"

"Lovi!"

Coming to a sudden halt, he blinked, lifting his foggy gaze to search his surroundings. Was he _so _out of it that he was hallucinating? Surely, that had been-

"_Dios Mio-! _Lovinito!" No, it wasn't his imagination. More tears ran down his face, as his boyfriend came into sight, running up to him. "W-where have you been? I thought you'd... Y-your knee! My God, you're soaked through and so cold-" The Spaniard's hands were shaking, Lovino noticed, as they held him gingerly by the shoulders while he looked him over, taking in his condition.

Lovino was suddenly overcome by a sudden urge to kiss his boyfriend senseless, but was quickly reminded that there was no time for happy gatherings. Fighting to get control over his sobs and trembling lips, he met his boyfriend's eyes head on.

"F-Feliciano..." he gasped out, struggling for the air he needed to speak, "He's going to k-kill my brother!"

oOo

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><p><em>Yay, things are getting dramatic~ Man I love writing dramatic scenes! ^^ Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the chapter, I would love to hear what you all thought of it~ <em>


	15. Chapter 14

_Ooh, things are getting dramatic now~ :3 Oh, and thanks to you, Ukie, for the anonymous review, by the way! I wouldn't want anyone's death on my hands, no, so here's an update for you. ; ) _

_I hope you all will enjoy the chapter!_

oOo

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><p>The trip up the stairs and down the hallway seemed to drag on forever, and when Antonio reached the apartment door, he found himself pausing for a moment. With a heavy sigh, he stuffed his hand in the pocket and fishing out the key as quickly as he could, nearly dropping the device in his hurry, and cursing at himself for being such a spineless coward. Unlocking with one determined movement, he opened the door and headed inside, balancing the bag of groceries with one arm.<p>

"I'm home," he called out, more on reflex than anything else. When there was no answer, he took notice of the uninhabited apartment. "Lovino? He's not home yet, huh..." the last part was spoken quietly to no one in particular. He supposed it wasn't that strange, Lovino did have a nasty tendency of working late, after all. It was well into the afternoon, though. Perhaps there was just a lot to do at work, since he'd been gone for a while? Antonio felt a sting of concern well up in his chest, wishing his boyfriend wouldn't push himself so hard when he'd just come back from hospital and everything.

Heading for the kitchen, he began putting the groceries away. It wasn't like him to be so tense, but he couldn't help being nervous. He'd spent the latter part of the day thinking about what he was going to say to Lovino when he got home, without really coming to a conclusion. Would Lovino still be in a bad mood? What if their argument damaged their relationship?

Clutching at the kitchen counter as this thought forced itself into his mind, he shook his head feverishly. Despite the short time they'd been together, he found it hard to imagine life without his loveable, grumpy Italian. He was starting to feel like he was living up to all those things people used to think and say about him; that he was naive and hasty, thoughtless and overly optimistic, and so on and so forth. Upon meeting him, people just tended to make up their own ideas of what kind of man he was. They simply assumed he was a certain type of person just because he was usually smiling so cheerfully. Just because he was talking so openly.

No one knew about the insecurities lingering behind Antonio's words and actions, a habit that had stuck with him from when he was young and shy. No one knew that he still feared talking to strangers, to some extent. To everyone else, hooking up with what was probably the most troubled and unapproachable person in the city, and giving everything he had to make this strange relationship work, was exactly something he would do. No one would ever know the amount of worry and fear that lay behind the whole situation.

Growing up, his heart had been the only thing he could trust, and he had always had a tendency of following the trails it lead him on. In this way, he might be called spontaneous and passionate, sure... But when all came down to it, he had always stopped just before throwing himself into unknown territory, and his heart had been over-powered by fear.

Then along came Lovino, and those sorrowful, lonely eyes of his had pulled at something deep inside Antonio, forcing him to take the final jump that would render it impossible to return to the old trail. If he had known it would lead to such a roller-coaster of emotion, he might have thought twice about jumping, and probably would have ended up turning back again.

Still, he could never regret his decision to act, no matter what the outcome of this would be. How could he regret meeting the one person whom he could talk openly with, without even an ounce of lingering shyness and fear?

Of course there was fear of being hurt, and fear of being pushed away, those would always stay with him. But the main fear, which never truly disappeared when he was with others; the fear of not being accepted for who he truly was... It was never there when he was with Lovino. Unreasonable as it was – they had only been together for a short period of time, after all –, he was certain that there was a connection between them, and he'd be damned if he let some stupid childhood paranoia get in the way of that.

During his musings, his feet had carried him to the living room and the photographs on the wall. He stopped in front of the photograph from the orphanage. He could hardly even remember the names of the other kids anymore, as he hadn't really been that close with most of them. After all, it was a typical orphanage, really. Kids came and kids left. Some of those who came there, lived there for only a short while before they were adopted. Others stayed there until they were old enough to move out and start working. This last group of children had often, jokingly, been called "the unwanted ones", by the other kids and also by themselves. Antonio had been one of the unwanted ones. He couldn't even remember anything before his time at the orphanage.

When he was just a kid, he often thought about the possible family he could have had. He would sit for hours, just imaging different possibilities. They varied from having only a pair of loving parents, to having loads of siblings as well. He often wondered if his family was dead, or if he truly had been unwanted, sent away because his parents couldn't be bothered having him around. Both possibilities were sad, but the latter was definitely the one who hurt the most when he thought about it.

As soon as he grown old enough to leave, he had moved far away from the orphanage, to start over somewhere else. For a while, he'd simply travelled and made some money along the way, until he settled in a small town by the ocean.

It was there that he met Bella and her brother, Willem. Looking at the picture the three of them had taken several years ago, he smiled gently at the memories. He'd met Bella when he began working on her father's farm, and they had immediately grown to be friends. She was in many ways tougher, braver and more mischievous than him, and had a tendency to get them both into trouble. Her sweet nature made it impossible to stay angry with her, though.

At first, their relationship had been strictly between them, but eventually her elder brother found out that they were hanging out. Antonio chuckled lightly at the memory of Willem's expression when he found out that his sister had been meeting up with some "Spanish punk" as he called him. It wasn't as much personal, as it was because he was incredibly protective of his sister. Antonio still couldn't quite recall when they had become a close trio of friends. Sure his and Willem's relationship might seem dysfunctional to any outsider, as they spent quite some time arguing, or acting like they despised each other. When all came down to it, though, they enjoyed each other's company, and while Bella was the glue that kind of stuck them together, they soon grew to accept and respect each other.

While Antonio might have had a tiny crush on Bella at first, he came to think of her more like a sister as time passed. It was different from any relationship he'd had before. Sure, he had been friends with a few from the orphanage too, but this was the first time he felt that he really had a family, strange and dysfunctional as it might be.

Sighing softly as a wave of nostalgia came over him, he was startled out of his thoughts when the ringtone of a cell phone sounded through the living room. Only, it wasn't his phone. Following the sound to the cell phone that lay abandoned on a side table, he picked it up, eyes widening slightly with wonder when he saw that the caller ID said "Alfred F. Jones". Pushing the call button, he held the phone up to his ear, recognizing the voice at the other end almost immediately.

"Lovino? Hey, I just called because you forg-"

"Um, no, this isn't Lovino," Antonio cut him off. That was definitely Mr. America's voice. "I'm Antonio. Lovino's boyfriend." He couldn't help the pride or the hint of wariness that tinted that one word.

"Oh, Antonio! Hi! Lovino told me 'bout you!" Antonio couldn't say he expected that kind of response, and was a bit put off. The American didn't give him time to think much about that, though. "Alfred F. Jones here, I work with Lovino. Hey, is he busy or something?" It took a moment for his words to register, and when they did Antonio frowned slightly with confusion. Shouldn't Lovino still be at work, along with this Alfred guy?

"I thought he was still at work?"

"What? No, he left just shortly after lunch time today. He didn't look too good... Actually agreed when I told him he should take some time off, so I took him back to your apartment. You mean... he's not there?"

"Shortly after lunch?" Antonio felt a lump of panic pop up in his chest at this revelation. Instantly, several possibilities, one more nerve-wrecking than the other, forced themselves into his mind.

"Yeah... I just called because he forgot some of his papers and stuff. He really didn't look very good, so I figured he'd just lie down or something once he got there. It's not easy to tell what Lovino's thinking, though, so he might have gone for a walk to clear his mind for all I know."

"But he should have been back by now. And his phone was still at the apartment, so I wouldn't know where he'd go, and-" As he spoke, his eyes had drifted to the newest photo on his wall, and his eyes widened slightly. "Shit, I think I know where he is..." He ran a hand through his hair as more possibilities began tearing through his thoughts. "I just hope that crazy bastard hasn't found him yet."

"You think his insane ex is going to hurt him?" There was a definite hint of fear underlying Alfred's words now, and Antonio nodded to himself, before realizing the other couldn't see him.

"He's done so in the past, so yeah, there's no knowing what he could do. Ah, Dios Mio..."

"Listen, can I help?" Alfred asked, clearly feeling the need to be useful in some way or another. "I know this town like the back of my hand, I can help look for him!"

"No, I think I know where he is already."

"Oh..." Alfred sounded strangely deflated at this, and Antonio sighed, suddenly feeling guilty about all the bad thoughts directed at the American throughout the day.

"Listen, Alfred... I'll call you if I find him, or if I need your help, ok? So just, uh... Just pray Sadiq hasn't gotten his filthy hands on him yet, alright?"

"Will do," Alfred said, sounding as if he was accepting it as his mission. "Hey, Antonio?"

"...Yeah?"

"Good luck."

Those words strangely helped him calm down ever so slightly, and he decided that he had judged the other a bit too quickly. Obviously, he sincerely cared about Lovino, and only wanted to help.

"Thanks, Alfred." He gave a small, thankful smile, not caring that it went unseen by the other, before shutting the phone off. Hastily, he stuffed it into the pocket of his jeans, grabbing a jacket and running out, barely even remembering to lock the apartment door behind him.

When he stumbled across the place he'd first seen Lovino, he had walked most of the way, but he didn't have time for that now. Damn, at times like this he really wished he had a car. Too bad he hadn't invested in one, seeing as he didn't need it when he lived so close to work and to the centre of the small town. As it was, he'd just have to take a taxi as close as he could to the place where the small sea-side path began.

Quickly waving a taxi out to the side and telling the driver to hurry, he sat restlessly in his seat, watching the rain run in saddening rivers down the windows, and painting the landscape outside in a dreary grey hue. As soon as the car stopped he jumped out, telling the driver to wait before running towards the hidden path that went along the cliff edges by the sea. Thank goodness he remembered the spot, or he wouldn't have found it at all.

If what Alfred had suggested was true and Lovino had just gone for a walk to clear his mind, how long ago was that? Had he left shortly after he'd come back from work or just before Antonio got home? Would he be sitting there, wondering what the hell Antonio was so worked up over? God, he hoped so. If he wasn't there, the anxious Spaniard had no idea where to look for him.

There, he caught sight of the tiny path he'd followed last time. Just as his eyes fell on the place, however, another figure stumbled from that exact spot, towards him. Squinting through the rain, his heart leapt into his throat when he recognized him. Taking off into a sprint, he felt relief be replaced with heavier concern as he took notice of the strange way his boyfriend was walking, and just how stark white and drenched he looked.

"Lovi!"

Lovino perked up at the sound, looking disoriented and frightened. As soon as Antonio reached his boyfriend, he wanted nothing more than to embrace him, but instead he forced himself to take a deep breath and calm down, really taking in the other's condition.

"_Dios Mio-! _Lovinito!" His skin was too white, lips holding a bluish tint due to cold, most likely, as he was trembling violently too. Just how long had he been out here? And his knee was bloody too, the knee of his jeans torn and stained slightly red. "W-where have you been? I thought you'd... Y-your knee! My God, you're soaked through and so cold-" Words stumbled out on their own accord, and he vaguely thought that if he had to find his boyfriend like this just one more time, his heart would collapse under the stress.

Lovino just looked at him, lips moving without a sound for a moment, and he sounded like he'd been running a marathon, gasping and panting like there was no oxygen left in his lungs. When he did speak, however, his words made Antonio's legs go weak for a moment, coming out as more of a sob than an actual spoken sentence.

"F-Feliciano... He's going to k-kill my brother!"

"What? Lovino, calm down, what makes you think-"

"He found me! He said that Feliciano was in the way! And you t-too...!" His sentence drifted off into rushed Italian, but Antonio was too lost in thought to correct him. So Sadiq _had_ found him first, and now he was going to... No, he couldn't even imagine anyone being killed, much less the kind-hearted Feliciano.

"Lovino... Lovino! Listen to me, honey!" Gently taking the trembling Italian's face between his hands, he looked him in the eye, trying to sound as convincing as possible, despite the growing anxiety in the pit of his stomach. "It's going to be ok. I'm going to call Feliciano now, so just try to calm down, alright?" Taking off his jacket, he wrapped it around the smaller man before fishing out Lovino's phone, easily finding the number.

The small amount of time in which he waited for an answer, seemed painfully long, until there was a click. It wasn't Feliciano's voice who answered, though. "Hello?" The German accent was not what Antonio had expected, and a sinking feeling made his mouth go dry. He swallowed heavily before speaking, keeping his voice steady so as not to add further stress onto his boyfriend.

"Hello, this is Antonio," he spoke hesitantly.

"Oh. Feliciano's gone out, and forgot to bring his phone, as usual... He's always so forgetful." There was a sigh at the other end, and Antonio felt like adding a sigh of his own. What was it with the Italian brothers and forgetting their phones? Couldn't they understand that people might want to be able to reach them in case of emergency?

"Do you know where he went, Ludwig?" He winced as Lovino gasped at these words, attention snapping back to Antonio.

"He said he'd visit his grandfather, I assume he meant going to the graveyard. What's going on? Is he in trouble?" The deep timbre of Ludwig's voice sounded alarmed now, and the Spaniard swallowed again, finding it difficult to be the one to convey bad news.

"I think he's in more trouble than we know... If you can, hurry to the graveyard. Bring something that can be used as a weapon. Lovino and I are heading there too."

"A weapon?"

"Just hurry, Ludwig, and be very careful. It's that bastard Turk, he's threatened to... to kill Feliciano."

There was a sharp intake of breath at the other end, and something crashing to the floor, before Ludwig spoke again, voice deceptively calm. "I understand." And then he hung up.

"Lovino, I really should get you to the apartment first, you're in no shape to-" he broke off abruptly as Lovino growled, shrugging off the jacket and handing it back to Antonio before half jogging, half limping towards the taxi. There was new strength to his steps now, and Antonio realized he was probably running on adrenaline and fear for his brother's safety. There wasn't much he could do but to follow and pray they found Feliciano in time.

"Drive to the graveyard, and please go as fast as you can!" Antonio ordered as they got into the vehicle. The startled driver eyed them in the rear mirror like they were some kind of freaks, before speeding up. Thankfully, he asked no questions, simply driving as quickly as the speed limits allowed. As a result, it didn't take too long to reach the grave yard at the other side of town.

It was quite an idyllic spot when the sun shone, but Antonio couldn't help but think that it looked like a scene from a horror movie now, in the dimming evening light, with heavy rain digging into the soil. Large oak trees whistled in the wind that had picked up, and Lovino was the one to utter the question that also struck Antonio.

"What the hell was that idiot thinking, going out in this rain...?"

Forcing some money into the hand of the driver, who just shook his head as if they were crazy and drove off, Antonio looked around, peering through the rain. Only now did it strike him that Feliciano could be long gone by now. Just how long had it been since he left for the graveyard anyway? And what was the chance he'd stay outside in the rain for very long? Sadiq might not even know he was there. To put it simply, all the questions had begun screaming "bad idea" in his mind, and he wished he hadn't pulled Lovino along – the Italian was looking sick enough as it was.

"Come on," Lovino suddenly spoke, taking Antonio's hand and leading him through the gates and down a path. The graveyard was large, stretching out like a meadow of grave stones, flowers and green grass. The local church stood far to the left, and the entire area was framed in by a fence that had probably been white at one point. Lovino was headed towards a spot where the fence was the only thing separating the graves and the steep cliffs, which fell into the foaming sea. "Grandfather always wanted to be buried as close to the ocean as he could get," Lovino muttered as a sort of explanation.

Antonio let himself be led, all the time looking around for any sign of life or danger. It became evident, as they reached the grave in question that there was no one there. Fresh flowers had been laid upon the grave, but looked as if they had been hastily put down.

"He might have been surprised by the rain," Antonio tried to reason when he noticed the helpless expression in his boyfriend's eyes, "let's check the church!" Lovino simply nodded numbly as they took off towards the church. At least the windows showed that the light was on inside. They had nearly reached the church door when a loud and sharp sound could be heard from within.

"Shit, wasn't that… a gunshot?" Antonio gasped, fishing out his phone with a trembling hand and flicking it open, "wait here, I'm calling the police...!" Before he had the time to dial the number, however, Lovino tore his hand out of his firm grip, running up the steps and slamming open the door. "No, Lovi- Damn it!" Abandoning the idea of calling the police, he instead took off after the other.

The church was old, but well-maintained, and rather beautifully decorated. The tall windows were made of coloured glass and intricate paintings decorated the high ceiling. Any other day, Antonio would have admired it for its beauty, but at the moment none of it registered in his mind as he froze at the entrance.

Ever since the first time he entered the flower store, Sadiq had triggered a deep fear in his gut, although he hadn't been able to explain it at the time. It was hard to understand it, but some people just gave out a certain aura of monstrosity. Sadiq was definitely one of these people. Even standing before the altar, bathed in the pleasantly dim church light, he had a malicious presence that certainly didn't belong in a church. The simple but malicious handgun he pointed lazily at Lovino, who had also frozen in his tracks, certainly didn't make things any better.

"Well, well, look who decided to join us. Isn't your brother such a sweetheart, _Feli_?" Smirking, Sadiq turned towards the altar, and only now did Antonio see Feliciano, who lay, curled up, on the stone floor. His eyes were closed and he was soaked through, but there wasn't a pool of blood collecting anywhere, so Antonio allowed himself to hope that the young man hadn't actually been shot.

"Feliciano!" Lovino cried out, eyes flickering from the gun to his brother's form. "What have you done to him, you monster?" The growl was aimed at Sadiq, who didn't smile anymore, but looked strangely solemn.

"Nothing yet. It was just a warning shot, but I guess he passed out from fright." He shrugged, like it was no big deal, and Antonio could literarily feel how his mouth dried up like a desert under the bright sun. This man was not in a healthy state of mind. And here they were, standing directly in his path, under the mercy of his whims. It was hard to remember any moment he'd been this scared.

Guns and other shooting weapons had always terrified him, ever since he was young. It wasn't as much a fear of their dangerous explosive power, as it was a fear of how easily they could be fired. Just one pull of a trigger, and someone's life could be ended or destroyed. Some of the older kids at the orphanage had managed to get hold of an old gun once, he remembered, and had only played around with it. By some freak accident, it had been loaded, and a bullet had suddenly exploded from the barrel, barely missed one of the boys and shattering a window completely. He still remembered clearly that look of utter fright on the face of the kid who'd nearly been shot in the head, and the violently trembling hands of the one who'd accidentally pulled the trigger.

"Put the gun down," he found himself saying, before he was aware that his brain had planned to make him speak. His voice sounded foreign even to his own ears, strangely calm and controlled, despite the fact that his pulse beat harshly against his temple and seemed to echo in his ears.

It was like a scene from some action movie, but he couldn't remember seeing the ones in the movie be as terrified as he felt. They were usually so calm, and just stood there, facing the gun as if they did it on regular occasions. The movie actors were always saying the right things, doing the right moves. Right now, Antonio didn't think he could have moved even if he had wanted to, and he was not in any form of control over his words.

He wished he _was_ in control of his words, though, when the gun was suddenly pointed directly at him. Who would have guessed that such a small, innocent-looking object could send a deadly bullet tearing through his heart in the blink of an eye?

"Why?" came the simple, curious question, and Sadiq's eyes reminded him vaguely of a child. A child that had just flushed a pet rat down the toilet and couldn't tell what he had done wrong.

"Just... put it down,_ por favor_."

"But you don't understand. You're in the way, you see... You and little Mr. Bubbly Italian here both stand between me and Lovino." There was still a certain childish hint to Sadiq's voice, as if someone stood between him and a cookie jar he sorely craved for. Somehow, the tone of voice only served to put emphasis on the fact that he was utterly unpredictable at the moment.

"You fucking idiot. Even if they weren't here, I'd never go back to you!" Lovino sounded quite the opposite of Antonio. Instead of calmness, all that tainted his voice was anger. Then again, if Antonio had learned anything over this last month, it was that anger was merely an alternative expression of fear when it came to his boyfriend. It was a natural reaction, but perhaps not the safest one when faced with a madman with a gun. "You're a crazy bastard, Sadiq! _That's _the issue here, nothing else! It is _you_ who hurt me, not Antonio, not Feliciano. It is _you_ and your fucking messed up head that stands between us, nothing else!"

"Lovino, stop..." Antonio gasped, heart skipping a beat as the gun tore back in Lovino's direction. Right now, he wasn't even sure Lovino was aware of the danger he was in. Reasonably enough, the Italian was too blinded by fear, anger and what not at the moment. His mind had simply decided to shut off all forms of logic, and it might very well kill him.

"ME?" Sadiq all but roared, staring wildly at Lovino. "_I_ am the problem, you say? _I_ loved you! _I_ cared about you when no one else would! Who else would love someone like you, huh? Anyone who gets close to you ends up either dead or hurt, but I took pity on you! No one else could ever love someone like you! After all, you're nothing but a freak! A freak and a fucking murderer!"

Lovino's feet seemed to give out a bit at the Turk's words, as if a ton of lead had been dropped on his shoulders.

"What...?" Antonio gasped quietly before he was able to stop himself, confused and startled at the accusations directed at Lovino.

The cold chuckle that emitted from Sadiq's throat was taunting and oddly triumphant, as if he was saying 'hah, I told you so' without words. "You haven't told him have you?" he said, before turning to Antonio with a smirk. "You see, Lovino here did something unthinkable." There was a dramatic pause, in which Sadiq was definitely hoping to build up the right mood. It gave his next words all the more impact. "Who would have expected that this _innocent_ little Italian actually killed his own parents, right?"

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><p><em>Another cliff hanger… So sorry, guys, I just love cliff hangers. :3 Hope you don't mind too much. Oh, and some feedback is always much appreciated~<em>

_Bella and Willem are the names I chose for Belgium and Netherlands, in case you were wondering. Seeing as those two don't have any official human names in the series (as far as I know). ^^_

_Por favor – Please (Spanish)_


	16. Chapter 15

_Because I simply felt like posting more, and received several good reasons as to why I should, here's another chapter for you all! I hope you'll enjoy it~ :D (And don't worry, next chapter will still be up next weekend like usual)._

oOo

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><p>This had to be a nightmare. Just another nightmare, like the ones he had all the time. Similar to all the nightmares he had been having about Sadiq this last period of time, he had a gun. And, also similar, Lovino wasn't the only one threatened by it. If only Sadiq had finished this business with <em>him<em>, without involving his brother and boyfriend, but no. Sadiq wouldn't possibly make it that easy for him.

Instead, here they stood, in a church of all things, drenched with rain and staring down the barrel of a handgun. And just like in his nightmares, Lovino honestly had no idea what to do. Every time Antonio spoke, making the gun turn in his direction, his heart nearly stopped, and he just waited for the sound of lead tearing through flesh, and a body dropping to the floor.

Of course, Sadiq had no intentions of finishing this quickly, instead making it all so much worse. Lovino still had no idea how Sadiq had found out about his most painful and most secret thoughts, but he had, soon after they had started dating. That was the problem with the insane Turk; his physical torment was bad, but the psychological power he held over Lovino was a hundred times worse.

"Who would have expected that this _innocent_ little Italian actually killed his own parents, right?" In that moment, Lovino's heart officially gave its last beat, and he felt empty, broken... dead. Standing in a church suddenly seemed painful, and his gaze unintentionally drifted to the figure on the cross, carved into the wooden altarpiece. How could he ever be forgiven a sin like that? And how could he be forgiven for actually thinking that he _deserved_ to be forgiven?

"You're lying," Antonio's voice rung out from somewhere behind him, echoing against the walls despite the soft tone the words were spoken in. "I don't know what happened to his parents, all I know is that they are dead, but I would never trust your lies."

"Well, they do say ignorance is bliss," Sadiq laughed, "but honestly? I think the truth is a lot more entertaining. Why don't you tell him, _honey_? Tell him what you did." That damn smirk again, that self-assured grin that just screamed of control. And Lovino could only stand there, numb and helpless.

"I... I killed them," he breathed eventually, eyes still fixated on the altarpiece. Sadiq cocked his head, following his gaze before giving a chuckle.

"Aren't you a good little Christian," he cooed, "And here I thought you had given up on your beliefs. I mean, what do you care if I do this?" Abruptly, his gun was pointed directly at the altarpiece, and Lovino unwillingly took a step forward, breath catching in his throat.

"W-what are you doing? This is a holy house, you monster! Don't you have even a tad bit of decency in that sick mind of yours?" Sure, Lovino might have doubted in God's existence for a great part of his life. After all, there was never a God to help him when his parents stopped paying attention to him, or when they died. There was never a God to answer his prayers for someone to actually care about him. There was never a God to give him hope in his otherwise hopeless existence. Up until this moment, he hadn't even realized that all this time, there was still a part of him that believed in this God's existence, no matter how absent it might have seemed.

So why did he now defend this God, who had done absolutely nothing for him through his suffering? Was it because he still desperately believed he could be forgiven and saved? Or was it merely selfish fear that drove him to step even closer to Sadiq, pleading him with his body language to lower the gun...?

"P-please... don't."

Apparently, he wasn't the only one baffled by his actions; Sadiq looked slightly taken aback, and a mixture of amusement and irritation had built up in his eyes. "You're one confusing man, Lovino," he spoke, shaking his head with wonder. "You know this 'God' of yours hates you, and will never forgive you, but you still stand here, pleading for me not to shoot a wooden figure?"

"God wouldn't hate anyone, no matter what sin they committed." Lovino had almost forgotten that Antonio was still there, as he had stayed silent ever since Lovino admitted to being responsible for his parents' death. He didn't dare turn to look at him, partially because Sadiq was yet again pointing a gun in their direction, and he wasn't too happy about turning his back on him, but mostly because he was afraid what Antonio's expression would be like.

Paralyzed by terror, Lovino could only imagine him standing there, glaring daggers at him, disgusted and just waiting for a chance to escape out of his life for good.

"And what would you know about that, _Toni_?" Sadiq smirked mockingly, leaning back on his heels with his hands on his hips, gun pointed carelessly to the floor for the time being. "Who the hell would forgive someone who caused the death of their own parents? Go on, I'm listening."

"Someone who loved them so deeply that they would give their own life to save them. But love isn't something I expect you to understand, Sadiq Adnan. You say you care about Lovino? That _you_ love him? See, it's a bit confusing to me. Is that the reason why you beat him into submission? Is that why you raped him for your own selfish needs? Is that why you killed him?"

And here Lovino had thought he had no tears left to cry. It seemed he was wrong. Every single one of Antonio's words seemed to bring out a new salty drop, and they began dripping onto the church floor. Sadiq didn't seem to feel the same way about the Spaniard's speech. He had gone strangely pale, and for a moment the gun hung loosely at his side, before he pointed it in their general direction and pulled the trigger. Lovino and Antonio both cried out as the bullet struck one of the glass windows, making it rain coloured glass.

"SHUT UP!" he roared, and made Lovino step back from his position, nearly tripping before he felt his boyfriend support him, and promptly pull him behind his own, larger body. "What the fuck do you know, huh? Like anyone else could ever love a freak like him!"

Antonio gave an angry growl where he stood before Lovino and hiding him from the Turk's violent anger. "If you call my boyfriend a freak one more time, I will personally make sure you regret it!"

"News flash!" Another bullet planted itself in a church bench near them, shattering some of the wood. Lovino could only whimper, clutching at the back of Antonio's sweater. "You're not the one with a gun here!"

The Spaniard's arms still had a grip on Lovino's arms making sure he stayed behind him, and while it was heart warming, it also frightened him. He could tell Antonio was terrified as well. He noticed the Spaniard's harsh, uneven breathing, hitching with fear. He could hear the way he swallowed nervously, and feel the way his arms and back trembled violently. And yet Antonio stood ground, in the direct path of the bullet, just to protect _him_. To think he'd always snorted at those cliché, romantic movies his brother was so fond of, where the hero always protected the damsel in distress, often ending up hurt in their place. Who in their right mind would do that for anyone, he had thought. Only lately had he realized that what he always secretly thought was; would anyone ever do something like that for _him_…?

"You think a gun will solve everything?" There wasn't sign of tremor in Antonio's voice, despite the fright practically radiating from him. "You think a weapon will make him love you? You pushed him to his death, Sadiq!"

"No! I didn't kill him, he's right there, isn't he? He didn't die!" Everything fell silent, and Lovino realized with a start that something had changed drastically. Peeking out from behind his boyfriend, he could see how Sadiq's body posture had changed. Where he had previously been self-assured and cocky, he was now looking more like a puppy who did something wrong. "I didn't... would never..."

"But you did. And what's worse, you had the nerve to come back, as if nothing ever happened." There was no anger in Antonio's voice. It was odd, but not once during his speech did he lose control of his emotions – he sounded perfectly calm, and spoke slowly, as if he was addressing a little child. Perhaps Antonio's brain had somehow activated a defence mechanism due to the shock of the situation, Lovino couldn't tell, but it seemed to be having an effect.

"I... had to come back." Sadiq seemed to regain his foothold again, straightening and glaring at them. "Lovino is _mine_!"

"No. He never was yours, and he never will be. You can't take control of someone by terrorising them. That's not how it works. And that's why you're not the one who has the privilege of holding his hand, of kissing him, or of making him smile."

"Why the hell are you doing this?" Sadiq screamed, a desperate pitch to his voice. "He killed his own parents, for fuck's sake! No one ever loved him, no one ever could, so why... WHY do you?"

"Why not?" These two words were quiet, matter-of-fact and simple, as if it was so logical that anyone could understand it. It was the exact same thing he'd done before, answering a question with another question, as if the reason was just _that_ obvious. "How could anyone _not_ love him? He's a sincerely good person, once you look past his defences and his temper. He cares about his brother, he protects those he care about, and he... he makes me feel at ease."

It was evident that Sadiq was only a short step away from gaping at him, but in the last minute he caught himself, and his jaws clenched tightly instead as something wild flashed in his eyes. Then, out of the blue, he began laughing, and the way it bordered on hysterical made every alarm bell Lovino had in his body go off. For a moment, he was so sure that the maniac would shoot, but instead the gun moved back in Feliciano's direction. He hardly even noticed the scream that tore from his throat as the sound of the bullet echoed harshly throughout the church.

The strangled cry that Sadiq uttered almost immediately after the echo died out, made him snap back to attention, however, and he realized that_ Sadiq's _gun was lying on the floor, and that the Turk was clutching one hand with the other, pain evident on his features. Whipping around, Lovino could only gape at the sight of Ludwig, standing in the door way and holding a gun of his own, with various emotions dancing in his ice blue eyes.

He didn't stay long, however, instead tearing out of Antonio's grip and running over to his brother's side, while Sadiq cursed and writhed with pain.

Feliciano had awoken at some point during the ordeal, although he looked like he was close to fainting again; pale as a sheet and breathing in shaky gasps. Despite the way his eyes were glazed over with a haunted expression, he looked unharmed, and there was no sign of a bullet wound. Sadiq's gun hadn't had the time to shoot. Turning to face the other, he felt a strange sense of fury building up somewhere in his chest, almost making him nauseous. It made him move without really being in control of his body, and before he really knew what had happened, he was the one holding the gun. It was as if someone had possessed his body, and was making him point the weapon directly at the Turk's heart, with one trembling finger resting just above the trigger.

The tall man had frozen in his position, still cradling his bleeding hand while staring at him strangely, as if Lovino was some kind of cute pet dog that had just given its first real growl. Then he laughed, the corners of his mouth twisting shakily. "What are you going to do, huh? Shoot me? You don't have it in you."

Lovino felt a crooked smirk touch his own lips. It felt somewhat painful, but he was no longer in control of his own actions or words. "Don't have it in me?" he questioned incredulously. "Aren't you the one who was just standing here, calling me a murderer? A MONSTER?" If he hadn't known better, he'd say someone was using his body and voice without his consent.

"P-put it down..." Somehow, the hint of fear in Sadiq's eyes felt like the greatest thing he had experienced in ages. It truly was time for that bastard to feel even a small part of the feelings that had tormented him with for so long. The monster deserved every ounce of payback he got.

So why was it that Lovino felt even more terrified now that he was the one holding the weapon...?

"Lovino, no..." he heard Feliciano say somewhere in the distance, but he couldn't spare his brother a glance. His eyes were locked on Sadiq's, and it felt as if he was being electrified by his hold on the gun – it was painful and frightening, but somehow he just couldn't make himself let go of it.

"Don't do it, Lovinito." He drew a sharp intake of breath, not having noticed that Antonio had come closer, standing only a few feet away now. "You're not a murderer."

Lovino gritted his teeth where he stood. "It would be so easy..." he whispered, struggling to breathe through the lump in his throat, and the furious sobs that racked his body. "Do you feel it, Sadiq? Can you feel what it's like to have death breathe down your neck? That is how I feel every time I look at you."

"I would never kill you, not intentionally!" Sadiq tried, and he truly did look alarmed now, possibly noticing the fury that bubbled behind the Italian's burning gaze, along with various other emotions, escaping in the form of tears.

"Then maybe I should just do it for you?" His hand lifted on its own accord, and the barrel of the gun felt cold against his temple. While he could tell from the corner of his eye that Antonio was crying out for him, every sound seemed to have been muted, except for Sadiq's choked gasp and his own harsh heartbeats. "... Save you the trouble."

The sound of Sadiq's knees hitting the floor rung clearly through the church, and the sound brought everything back in focus for him. In the matter of a second, his eyes widened in shock and the weapon dropped to the floor as his hand went limp. The bullet that escaped at the impact, lodged itself in the wall just behind Sadiq, who was as still and lifeless as a doll, lips parted and eyes unseeing.

"Don't move! You are surrounded, put your hands over your head and..."

Lovino blinked, only now noticing the blue and red light that entered the church through the broken window, and the door, where several police men had just entered, weapons at the ready. He hadn't even heard them arrive before now. It didn't matter who called them. Suddenly, nothing mattered anymore and he just felt utterly exhausted.

Stepping away from the altar, he saw Antonio come towards him, arms reaching out for him and a relieved smile gracing his expression.

The next gunshot came out of nowhere, and Lovino wondered, through his dazed state of mind, what had caused the unexpected sound. His gaze locked on his boyfriend, and he noticed how Antonio's eyes widened ever so slightly, lips parting in surprise. At first, he thought the other was just surprised by the gunshot, but it became obvious that something was horribly wrong, as Antonio's feet buckled and eventually gave out, followed closely by the rest of his tall, slender frame. The second gunshot behind him sounded vaguely distant, as Lovino's mind was still frozen in a state of confusion and shock, watching his boyfriend fall to the floor in an almost graceful curve.

Around him, Lovino heard someone scream, heard someone shouting orders, but he could only stand there. It wasn't until he saw the rivers of red that was beginning to form underneath his boyfriend's unmoving body that things fell sharply back into place. Antonio was bleeding.

Oh God no...

All sounds seemed to fade away abruptly, and his eyes glazed over as he retracted into himself. Suddenly, he was no longer in the church. Instead he was standing in the middle of a road, watching as dark clouds of smoke rose from a vehicle ahead of him. It was a familiar scene, and his logic seemed to have gone into a state of paralysis, not caring that the sudden shift of scenes was physically impossible. It didn't matter that he wasn't supposed to be here, not now.

A feeling of morbid curiosity rose from somewhere within him, though something else was at the same time screaming at him that he didn't want to see this. He didn't want to go closer, yet his feet moved on their own accord, around the back of the car. A tractor stood ahead, pulling a wagon of lumber.

Some of the lumber had pierced straight through the front of the smashed car. Broken glass and pieces of wood covered the road around the car, along with a different substance. Everything was black and white, making this substance remind Lovino of oil. That same voice somewhere in his head screamed that it wasn't, but this voice held no control over his actions or his curiosity.

Something lay on the road amongst fallen lumber and broken glass. Everything was foggy from the smoke emitting from the car. Lovino wanted to go closer, but then a door on the car opened, and someone came out.

Everything shifted as quickly as a butterfly would flap its wings – the perspective changed, and a sense of dread overtook his senses. There was someone else in the car he'd just stepped out of, someone small, curled up in his seat. Where was father? Stumbling forward, he opened the front door with some difficulty. The next second he screamed, backing away in a hurry, only to trip over something on the ground. Falling on his back, he opened his eyes to see the white face and the terrifyingly empty eyes of a distorted creature that he recognized only too well. The breath froze in his lungs, as he stared at the broken figure of his own mother. Slowly, she turned her head, and her empty eyes met his, as she snapped greedily for air, wheezing as her lips moved.

"Lo... vino..."

And suddenly everything was in colours again, and the red substance overpowered his senses. He was drenched in it. He was drowning in it...

With a scream, he fell to his knees, and pain jolted through his body at the impact, making the scene change yet again back to what he assumed had to be reality. How could it be reality, though, when it was so much like a living nightmare? Staring ahead at Antonio, who lay on the floor, he somehow managed to half walk, half crawl over to his side, staring in fright at the blood on the floor and on his clothes. Nausea forced itself up into his throat, but he forced both that and the dizziness away.

"Antonio! Antonio, answer me!" he cried, not daring to touch the other in fear of making things worse. It was all his fault. Now Antonio was dying, and it was all because of him.

"Lovino..." The sound of the other's voice startled him, as he had half expected him to be dead already. It was so weak, just like his mother's had been before her eyes clouded over and she said no more. "Lovi, l-look at me...!" Tearing his eyes away from the blood, he met the other's eyes.

In those romantic movies, the person who was injured always had some incredibly meaningful and well-thought-off last words. In harsh reality, it would never be that easy to think of something to say when you lay bleeding to death, nor would it be that easy to get the words out at all when you choked on desperate gasps for air. Antonio couldn't seem to say anything, though his lips moved frantically for a moment. The only sound escaping him was a small strangled moan, as a thin stream of blood made its way down his chin. Instead of words, his hand found Lovino's, clutching it as he gave a smile, no matter how pained it seemed. Focusing on his eyes, Lovino realized with a start that they held no blame and no hatred. All that was there, was understanding and fear.

Strength seemed to leave his body, as if it was him who was bleeding out on the floor. Lying down right next to his boyfriend, the eye-contact remained as he tried to convey his own emotions through this connection they had. _Don't die_, was the message he tried to convey. _Please forgive me_.

And Antonio only nodded in understanding as his eyes began drifting shut. Lovino could only close his own eyes, simply feeling the way their pulse beat in unison where their hands intertwined, like one weakening heart beat.

As a heavy blanket of oblivion fell over them both, Lovino's thoughts strangely drifted back to the altarpiece, and the statue of Jesus Christ. He had pointed a gun at someone, in God's house, but had been unable to shoot. He had the chance to get rid of Sadiq before he hurt any of them, but couldn't do it. Antonio had paid the price for that, and it was definitely Lovino's fault.

So why was it that after a long excruciating time of guilt, of pain, and of self-hatred, he finally felt like he had been forgiven?

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><p><em>Aw, isn't this sad? And I'm sorry for leaving you with another ending like this, but it couldn't be avoided. I'd love some feedback~ ^^<em>

_Oh, and I just feel like I should point out that any mention of religion in this story is in no way based on my own beliefs. Catholicism is the largest religion in both Spain and Italy, after all, which is why I wrote it into the story in some degree._


	17. Chapter 16

_Hello again. I guess no one will be terribly upset because I decided to upload this a day early, eh? ^^ Just felt like doing something to celebrate that I had an exam today, and that I don't have to worry about that any longer (at least until I find out how well/bad I did)! Always feels great when you're finished with an important exam~ So anyways, here's a chapter for you guys, enjoy! _

oOo

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><p>"Antonio! Hey, wait up!" He didn't slow his pace, biting his lip as he shoved his hands further down his pockets. "Hey...!" A hand grabbed hold of his arm, and he came to an abrupt stop, face red with embarrassment and tears burning in his eyes despite his best attempts at forcing them away.<p>

"Go away, Bella. Leave me alone."

"Listen, he didn't mean it... You know he didn't, that's just the way he acts sometimes and-"

"But he's right, isn't he?" It was impossible to stop the angry tears that seemed to decide it was time to escape down his cheeks, and he turned to face his friend completely. She eyed him sadly, looking like she wanted to protest again. Antonio didn't give her the chance. "I'm just a parentless good-for-nothing. Who am I to say my parents didn't just leave me because they couldn't be bothered with a stupid kid?"

"I don't believe that for a second, and neither should you!" Despite her sweet nature, Bella knew how to look and act like a strict mother-hen at times. With her hands planted firmly on her hips, she eyed him fiercely, yet somehow managed to look compassionate at the same time. "Willem can be a jerk sometimes, you know that. He doesn't mean anything by it."

"This isn't just about Willem... I just..." Antonio's anger faded and he paused, drying off his tears and trying to sort through his emotions and thoughts. "I just wish I knew where I came from, you know?"

Bella looked at him for a moment before smiling that warm smile of hers, taking his hand in her own.

"Does it really matter?" she asked matter-of-factly. "No matter where we come from, we're alive. Sure, some of us got parents, some of us don't, but isn't it more important to be happy for what you _do_ have, than crying for what you don't?"

Those words seemed to echo through the air, as everything slowly began to fade away, leaving behind a strange emptiness. Antonio stood still, watching with wonder as Bella and his past self walked away, until they too disappeared along with their surroundings. He remembered that day clearly, but this was the first time he'd seen it from this angle. It was strange, seeing a younger image of himself and his friend from a distance, almost like watching a scene from an old video tape.

As they faded away from view, he began looking around, wondering what he was doing here in this empty space. There were no sensations here, no cold or warmth, no black or white. Just an infinite void of grey, surrounding him on all sides. It wasn't claustrophobic, though. In fact, it was a rather pleasant place to be, even if he couldn't remember how he got there or why.

"What is this place?" he mused out loud, noting how his voice echoed around him, almost as though he was standing in a tall cave. "Where do I go from here?"

Taking a step, he was surprised to find that every step he took sent ripples of light across the surface under his feet. For some reason, he imagined this was what it was like to walk on the still surface of a dark sea. It didn't stop him, instead it encouraged him to walk further.

It was hard to tell how long he was walking, as time didn't seem to be essential in this place. Gradually far away voices had begun replacing the silence. He recognized a few words and some sentences, but mostly it was like listening to a radio frequency set between two channels, in such a way that the two mixed within each other, making no sense at all. At times, the sounds were more focused and rung clearly through the void. Other times they sounded further away, distant and muted.

_Sleeping_... _Scared... Dead...?_

Lifting his head towards the empty space over him, he noticed for the first time that ripples were sent across that space as well; a mirror reflection of the ones created by his own steps.

_Bullet... Fever... Lost..._?

A figure suddenly appeared ahead of him, and he stopped in bewilderment, cocking his head as he squinted in order to see better. Walking a bit closer, he eventually recognized the figure, coming face to face with himself. More precisely, a child-version of himself. The child looked at him with large green eyes. Antonio was somewhat surprised by the large variety of emotions in the child's eyes, because he himself felt so numb and neutral.

_Come back..._

"Hello," he said, reaching out for the child. But the child only gazed back at him sadly, taking a step back before he could touch him. Shaking his head, the child raised his hand to point at something behind Antonio. Antonio was confused, wondering what was behind him, but finding it hard to turn around to see for himself.

_Wake up..._

"Why?" What was he questioning? Even he wasn't completely sure, but this simple word seemed to cover the most of his inquiries. Why was he here? Why couldn't he touch his own past self? Why was it so hard to turn? Why did the soft words spoken in the distance sound so familiar?

_Please..._

"I can't..." he whispered, struggling a bit more desperately to turn around. In place of the previous numbness, urgency now pulled at his heart.

_Come back to us..._ _To me..._

That voice... He knew that voice. Fighting harder, he noticed that the more he managed to turn, the more transparent did his child self appear. The child nodded with a small smile, conveying a silent message. He had to turn back – he was walking in the wrong direction.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, he managed to turn completely, feeling a pair of small, warm hands pushing him forward in the direction he'd just come from.

_Antonio...!_

oOo

* * *

><p>"Antonio...? H-hey, I think he is waking up!" It wasn't the same voice, although this too was familiar. Blinking as light crashed against his senses, momentarily putting everything out of focus, he took a breath. The scent in the air was unmistakable, but he couldn't understand what he was doing in a hospital. Closing his eyes again, he sighed, welcoming the dull darkness that replaced the blinding light. He couldn't seem to go back to that grey space, though.<p>

"Toni? Hey... Are you awake?"

Forcing himself to open his eyes again was hard, but at least this time his sight cleared and the lamp in the roof was no longer just a golden blob. If his eyelids felt heavy, his body was ten times worse; he had a feeling he wouldn't have been able to move his limbs at all, even if he had wanted to.

Moving his lips to answer, he found that his throat was too dry, only allowing him to give a sound that somehow brought out the image of a dying frog. Whoever was speaking to him seemed to catch on to it, and soon he had a glass of water at his lips, allowing him to take slow sips. It was deliciously refreshing to feel the cool liquid clear his throat. When was the last time water had tasted so good, he wondered distractedly.

"Not too fast, you'll only get sick. Trust me, I know." There was a small snort, followed by a dull slap and then an indignant "Ouch! I was only trying to make a conversation-"

"Antonio?" This was the first voice again, and this time he recognized the accent, although it seemed more prominent than he could remember. Moving his head, he squinted to make out the features of the person's face. Two people were sitting by his bedside, both striking him as unusually worried-looking.

"Francis...?"

The blonde Frenchman lit up, nodding vigorously and – to Antonio's great concern – bursting into tears. Surprised, he looked at the other person as if to ask if he had done something wrong, only to find that Gilbert too looked like he was close to following his friend's example. Although the German apparently thought himself too manly to let the tears escape his eyes.

"Did I... do something wrong?" he questioned quietly, bewildered by their reactions. As the words left his lips, though, memories began seeping back to him.

Closing his eyes, he remembered Sadiq's crazed expression as he dove for the gun and pointed it directly at him. It hadn't really registered at first that he was just seconds away from being hit, even though he could see him pull the trigger. There hadn't been any pain when the bullet was fired – he couldn't even remember hearing the gun go off. All he had seen was the Turk's shock as he stumbled back, lifting the gun to his own head...

But then suddenly he was on the floor, unable to move, unable to think, hardly even able to breathe for some reason. Until _he_ came into his view, crying, screaming and looking just about ready to fall apart completely. Antonio remembered saying something, and it was as if the world sort of stopped moving around them. Suddenly Lovino was lying beside him, and all that mattered was the connection between them – their pulse beating together like one. All fear and confusion disappeared, and eventually things had gone black.

Opening his eyes abruptly, he finally realized what was missing. There was no warm hand holding his, no golden eyes to meet his own green. Struggling for a moment to gather his voice, he looked at his friends intently.

"Where is Lovino?"

Francis and Gilbert exchanged a glance, and the pause made something twist painfully in Antonio's chest. Had something happened to Lovino? Was he hurt? Or... worse? About to ask them what was going on, he was interrupted by the door opening and a figure entering the room.

He was much too pale, dressed in at least three layers of thick, warm sweaters, and had dark circles underneath his eyes, as if he hadn't been sleeping for half a year, but there he was. Neither hurt nor dead, just very much alive and real.

"They didn't have rose tea, so I brought-" Their eyes met, and Lovino stopped in his tracks, simply staring for a moment. The cups he was holding slipped from his hands, promptly crashing to the floor and staining the white with an expanding puddle that slowly seeped into the hospital slippers adorning the Italian's feet. While his body was frozen, his lips were working soundlessly as if he was trying to decide whether he should speak or breathe.

Just when Antonio was about to say something, however, the other turned on his heel and disappeared out of the door again, leaving him to wonder – yet again – if he had said or done something wrong.

"Heh, he's been waiting for you to wake up for over a week, Antonio. I'm guessing he hadn't really prepared for the actual moment of your awakening." Gilbert chuckled.

"A week?"

"Hey, that bastard shot a hole in your stomach, what the hell did you expect? You're not exactly superman, you – _Ouch_, Francis!"

"What _mon cher_ Gilbert is trying to say is," these words were spoken with a pointed glare at the German, "you almost died, and gave us all a fright. Lovino was in a bad shape himself. He was so ill and exhausted, the poor guy... But he never left your side for longer than he had to. For you to suddenly wake up – Well, just imagine."

Antonio could imagine it all too well. He could also hear Lovino's muffled sniffles just outside the open doorway.

"Lovino? Are you going to stand outside there all day?" It took some effort to speak loudly, and his body and mind was growing heavier by the minute. But he couldn't go back to sleep yet. "Because I really... _really_ need to hug you right now."

In only a matter of seconds, he found himself with a shaking and sobbing Italian in his arms, and grinned despite the tiredness that threatened to overcome his senses completely. "There you are, silly," he whispered lovingly. Holding the other as tightly as he could with a body that was probably drugged down in order to stop the pain, he could finally relax again. "Didn't think I'd leave you, did you?"

"Like I'd ever get rid of you, you bastard," came the hoarse hiccup, followed shortly by a tiny chuckle, in which a lot of bottled up tension was relieved.

"Happy to hear you've accepted your fate," Antonio laughed softly back, feeling incredibly happy and thankful that they were both still here. That they were both still alive, and on the way to recovery.

oOo

* * *

><p>Antonio did not have a history of getting sick easily. He took care of his own health, and during the first half – maybe even three quarters – of his life he'd been too cautious of nature to take any risks that might include injury. For this reason, hospitals were not something he was familiar with, and was definitely not something he enjoyed.<p>

So if anyone cared that he gave a triumphant "Woohoo!", blowing kisses to the ground and the blue skies when he was finally allowed to leave after two excruciating weeks of bed rest and boredom... Well, that was their problem, and he couldn't care less. Lovino smiled that crooked little smile of his, shaking his head with exasperation as they fell into step beside each other, walking down the street.

"You sound like you were just let out of hell itself," he commented dryly.

"Could as well have been. Three weeks-"

"Two. You were half-dead the first week, remember?"

"Ok,_ two_ weeks of sleeping, eating, sleeping some more, and changing bandages is boring as hell. Thank God I had you there with me, or I'd have gone insane."

Ok, so he was exaggerating just slightly. Staying in hospital hadn't been all that bad. At least whenever he wasn't utterly drugged down to stop the pain. The only relief, except of course for Lovino staying with him, had been the daily exercise to make sure his body was functioning and all that.

At least now he could walk on his own without collapsing from exhaustion or pain, although he would have to take things very easy for a long time before the wound healed properly. He'd been incredibly lucky, the doctors said, that the internal damage hadn't been worse. Apparently, the bullet had been frighteningly close to lodging itself in his heart. It wasn't a pleasant thought that he was only inches away from dying that day. Honestly, in movies, the characters always smiled after things like this, suddenly just jumping back into their life, none the worse for wear. It really wasn't that simple in reality.

"Hey..." Glancing to his side, he saw Lovino eying him worriedly. Smiling weakly, the previous joy at getting out of the hospital seemed to fade away slightly, and he clutched the Italian's hand tighter in his own.

"I'm just glad to be alive, you know?" And the expression in his boyfriend's eyes told him that he _did_ know. That day would probably be carved into both their memories for good, like a permanent mental tattoo or something.

None of them spoke much as they caught a taxi. Falling silent was something that always seemed to happen whenever they had to pull out the still fresh memories of the nightmare, and neither of them had spoken much of that day, except briefly touching the subject. Whenever it was brought up, Lovino would keep his gaze trained on the floor, and Antonio on his side felt a chilling wave go up his spine. Still, both of them knew there would be a time when they had to talk about it. A time when they were alone. Without Francis and Gilbert staying around and chatting mindlessly to keep the mood light. Without Feliciano babbling on about nothing in particular – or falling into sudden sobbing fits, as he had taken to doing lately –, while Ludwig stayed silent at his side.

Perhaps they were just postponing the inevitable, but something always seemed to come up whenever it felt like they were both going to burst out with their fear and frustration. Whenever they felt like they could overcome the first and largest hindrance and start healing.

"Hey, take us to this place, will you?" Blinking out of his thoughts he saw Lovino hand a note to the taxi driver. Opening his mouth to ask, he stopped when his boyfriend held up a finger to silence him.

"Sure thing." And then they were driving off, not towards the apartment but in a completely different direction. Instead of asking questions, Antonio decided to enjoy the ride, watching the view as they drove down the streets.

Large parts of the city was still a bit unfamiliar to him, as he hadn't lived there for long, yet it wasn't much different from other cities he'd been to. There would be exactly the same views, exactly the same concrete ground, exactly the same street lamps and shops. There would be pigeons walking around park benches in hope of finding something edible, and there would be sounds, smells and lights.

The only thing that couldn't be predicted was the people. No matter where you went, there would be different identities and individuals living their own lives. A family, having a picnic in a park they passed. A teenage couple, sharing a coffee and chatting on a street bench. A large brute of a man, walking down the sidewalk with a puppy the size of a small football bouncing energetically in his leash beside him. Antonio liked how you could find similar types of people wherever you went, but no one would be exactly the same as another. People were a lot like snow crystals in that sense, he thought. On first glance, they looked familiar, but as you studied them more closely you could see that each one was entirely unique.

Having been caught up in his musings, Antonio suddenly realized that the taxi had come to a stop, and Lovino was holding the door open, reaching out a hand to help him out without aggravating his wound. Getting out, with some difficulties, he suddenly found a hand over his eyes.

"Close your eyes," came the quiet request, and he couldn't help but be reminded of the time he'd blindfolded Lovino just to surprise him on the beach.

"Yes, sir," he smiled, giving a mock salute and obediently doing as he was told. Willingly, he allowed his boyfriend to lead him away from the car. He felt thankful for the slow pace they were moving at, and the way Lovino would practically warn him for even the tiniest rock or dent in the ground. The Italian was so gentle, as if the weeks at the hospital had tamed him somehow.

The scents were different here, he noticed, and the sounds of traffic were distant and muffled. Somehow, the air felt cleaner, and he was reminded of the small forest by Bella and Willem's home, where the three of them used to spend time together. He could feel the sun warming his skin gently, and while the air was definitely crisp, a reminder of the change of seasons, it was a pleasant day.

"You can open them now."

He wasn't exactly sure what he had been expecting to see when he opened his eyes, but this was not it. Wonder grabbed hold of his heart as he looked around. They were on a hillside, with a clear view across the city in its entirety. It was unlike the fine-trimmed and cared-for parks you'd find in the city; more wild in a way. Instead of a neat grass lawn, there was a meadow with various late-blooming flowers. A dirt path stretched out before them, and a bench stood a bit away.

Lovino still hadn't let go of his hand, and instead of leading him down the path, the Italian headed for a tree that stood a few feet away from the path, in the middle of the meadow. Its golden and red leaves, coloured by the season, cast a light shadow as the branches stretched out on every side of the thick, crooked trunk.

"This place..." Lovino paused, eyes fixed on a spot on the old bark, before continuing in a tone that spoke of nervousness and emotion. "It's one of the few good memories I have of our grandfather."

Antonio had to search a bit, but eventually he found the spot on the bark that Lovino was looking at. Someone had carved words in with a sharp object. At first he was wondering what he was looking at, but before long his eyes widened in revelation.

"Grandfather was very much like Feliciano, except perhaps crazier. He did exactly like he wanted, whined over little things, spent more time painting or listening to music than actually doing anything useful. Feliciano liked him a lot, and he... he liked Feliciano a lot too." The Italian sighed, leaning back against the trunk and letting his gaze move out across the city. "The two were pretty much inseparable. I always felt that he never had as much time and care to offer me."

"Your grandfather... wrote this?" Tracing the words in the tree bark with his hand, Antonio noticed Lovino smile from the corner of his eye.

"Yeah. We'd had a huge fight, and I was so scared. I had said that if everything Feliciano did was so perfect, why didn't he just send me away, so that they could spend more time together. I thought he'd actually do it, so when he picked me up from my room later and drove out here, I actually believed he'd just drop me off somewhere and go home without me." He chuckled softly at the memory, shaking his head. "I guess I was a paranoid brat already back then. But instead he... he took me here, and told me to wait over at that bench over there. I sat there for a long time, wondering just what the hell he was doing..."

Turning around, he eyed the inscriptions in the wood with a warm expression. Antonio felt awed at what his grandfather had done. Instead of saying what he thought, he took the time to carve them into the wood for everyone to see, putting the utmost care and detail into every letter. He had even written it in English, just so that anyone could read it. Clearing his throat a bit, Antonio traced the words as he spoke them.

"'Lovino is a lovely child, and a wonderful brother. Lovino might be clumsy, but works hard and does everything with care. Lovino might seem a bit grumpy, but he is kind, caring and considerate. Lovino has a great singing voice, and bakes an amazing apple pie! Lovino is my grandson, and no one will ever be able to replace him in my heart...' Aw!"

Lovino gave him a half-hearted slap on the shoulder for the sentimental sigh that escaped his lips when he finished reading. "It's not like things got much better between us, we still argued a lot, but... well, I wasn't as scared anymore, you know?" Things fell silent between them for a moment, before Antonio glanced back at the words written in the wood, giving a smile.

"Apple pie?" he questioned with wonder, and Lovino gave an indignant huff, crossing his arms stubbornly.

"What, you don't believe it? Tch, guess I have no choice, then. I'll just have to prove it to you."

"Warm pie with ice cream on the side?"

"Sure."

"And a certain delicious Italian as a desert?"

"On the other hand, I think I'll just feed your piece of pie to the pigeons..."

oOo

* * *

><p><em>Aw, aren't you just overjoyed that he survived? I know I am, haha. ^^ And this is not the final chapter, mind you, even though it didn't end in a cliff hanger. There are still two chapters to go. And hey! Depending on the response I get, I MIGHT just post another chapter this weekend, but that's totally up to you guys~ :3<em>


	18. Chapter 17

_Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! I really appreciate it! Thanks to PrussianPanda for the anonymous review as well, it made me very happy! : ) So, I decided to post another chapter this weekend. After this, there's only one chapter to go, and it will most likely be up next weekend!_

oOo

* * *

><p>Why he had taken Antonio to see this little happy memory of his, Lovino wasn't sure. The trip to the tree had in no way been spontaneous, seeing as he'd been considering it for quite some time now, but the fact that he managed to actually go through with it was still somewhat surprising. Perhaps it was because Antonio had shared so much with him, and he felt he'd only given him secrets, lies and half-truths in return. Heck, he might be a bastard, but he was raised well enough to know the meaning of "unfair".<p>

It might also be a way for himself to open up, in order to finally tell Antonio about the reason he and Feliciano came to live with their grandfather in the first place. In fact, by the time they reached Antonio's apartment, he had almost managed to man himself up for a real talk, no matter what the outcome might be.

Of course, to believe that they might actually have a moment to themselves was a bit too naive, now that he thought about it. Lately, they hadn't had a single chance to actually be on their own for more than a few minutes at a time, before someone or something interrupted them. Apparently, getting away from the hospital made no difference what so ever.

"Toni!" A squealing blob of blonde hair, sun-tanned skin and colourful clothes seemed to attack out of nowhere once they reached the hallway of the apartment building. It happened too fast for them to react, and Lovino felt something inside him snap when he heard the pained groan coming from the Spaniard as the blob attached itself to his body in what was probably meant as a simple, affectionate hug.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Pushing the blob – a girl, he now realized, and a steadily more confused and concerned girl, by the looks of it – out of the way. Growling menacingly at her for a second, he turned to Antonio, who'd gone sickly pale, but was still giving a weak smile to show he was okay. Though, supporting heavily on the wall and looking ready to pass out hardly counted as "okay" in Lovino's mind. Damn, Antonio could barely walk on his own accord without aggravating the wound, having someone jump at him clearly didn't help.

"What- Toni, what's going on? Are you all right...?" Lovino paused in his quest to check that Antonio really hadn't reopened his wounds, to get a better look at her, and realized that she was quite pretty, and – fortunately for her – didn't look like she had meant any harm by attacking him out of nowhere. The next thing that registered was that she was calling him "Toni", but he didn't get the chance to dwell on that as Antonio grinned, thankfully looking a bit less white and not supporting quite as heavily on the wall anymore.

"Bella! You never told me you were going to visit!" She still looked very worried, and also nervous – something Lovino realized without feeling too guilty, was because of the warning glares he was sending in her direction –, but newfound confusion also found its way to her face.

"Didn't you get my messages...? Oh, I'm so stupid! You didn't answer, but it never struck me that you might not even have gotten them..."

"As if it isn't the bastard's own fault for not checking his own mail," came a deep, grumbling voice from the door to the apartment, and only now did Lovino catch sight of the other unexpected visitor. This was surprising, considering he wasn't exactly a small man; being broad-shouldered and with a great deal of muscle to his otherwise slender figure.

"Willem! You came too?"

The man only gave a deadpan expression, as if to say "duh, isn't that obvious?" Lovino recognized the silent communication this man seemed to give off – it was something he himself had practiced for many, many years after all.

"But, uh... let's not stand out here, please, come inside," Antonio smiled, but Lovino could see the pain still lingering in the way he moved his body cautiously towards the door. The visitors also seemed to notice this, but as Bella opened her mouth to ask, Antonio spoke, voice serious. "Inside," he repeated, unlocking the door and letting both guests into the apartment before giving Lovino a meaningful glance. A silent message that the situation was under control, and that he needed the currently stressed and angry Italian to calm down. Honestly, sometimes the way Antonio so easily balanced out his violent moods made Lovino feel like he was an ill-tempered horse, and Antonio some kind of horse-whisperer. Well, all right, he'd stay calm. At least he'd try.

Sitting down on the couch after telling his guests to feel like home, Antonio sighed, sinking a bit deeper into the warm comfort of the soft furniture than he had probably intended. Then he took a deep breath.

"I probably missed your message, because I just came from the hospital. Kind of went and... got myself shot."

Lovino wondered if Antonio had ever heard of "beating around the bush", or softening the impact of bad news by talking about random rubbish first. He knew his boyfriend was painfully direct at times, but it still took him by surprise. Glancing at the Spaniard where he half sat, half lay in the couch, however, he could sort of understand. Who would want a long, dragged out conversation when they just came from the hospital, still injured, weak and wanting nothing more than to get to bed and sleep until noon the next day? Lovino sighed softly. These visitors probably couldn't have timed their visit at a worse time.

The girl, Bella, stared at him, mouth open and eyes round and alarmed. Willem, or whatever the nonchalant dork was called, looked a bit like he'd been pierced by a needle, rapidly losing all the air of confidence and aloofness that had been so obvious just moments ago. When they spoke in unison, their voice held the exact same tint of disbelief, bordering on hysterics.

"You WHAT?"

"He got shot, spent three weeks in hospital, just came home. And in case you haven't noticed, and can't understand, he's exhausted. So what if we could take this conversation at a later time?" Lovino could tell Antonio was staring at him, and knew that both of the guests were looking at him with a mix of guilt and an urge to demand answers. They seemed to understand, however, nodding numbly.

"But... you'll be ok, right?" Bella questioned gingerly, and the look she gave Antonio made a wave of uncertainty wash up in Lovino's chest yet again, before suddenly he remembered what his boyfriend had told him earlier. This had to be his friends from Spain, the ones he had come to think of as his own siblings. The previous anger at the two seemed to die out a bit at this realization, quickly being replaced by regret.

"I'll be just fine, Bells," Antonio smiled. Then suddenly he blinked, sitting up a bit straighter and grinning. "By the way, I don't think I ever got to introduce you – This is Lovino. My boyfriend!"

At any normal time, Lovino would have blushed heavily, sputtered and protested violently at such unexpected proclamation of their relationship. Now, however, he couldn't help but feel immensely relieved and warm inside at the obvious pride and affection in the Spaniard's eyes.

"Oh, Antonio, I just knew you'd find your Miss- sorry, _Mr._ Right eventually!" Bella exclaimed joyfully, turning fully to Lovino and holding out her hand, still looking both hesitant and a bit guilty, but smiling hopefully none-the-less. "Hi, I'm Bella, an old friend of Toni's."

Taking her hand, he didn't shake it, but instead kissed it's back delicately, giving a small smile. People could call him many things, and he knew he wasn't exactly the definition of "Gentleman", but he was still Italian, and he'd be damned if he didn't show some fucking respect to a pretty young lady. Especially a pretty young lady that he'd pushed rather aggressively just moments before, he thought guiltily to himself.

"Pleasure to meet you, Signorina. I apologize for pushing you earlier, it was very rude of me..."

If he thought everyone had been staring oddly at him before, he was dead wrong. Bella was blushing, for some reason, while her brother looked like he was torn between protectiveness and respect. Antonio's green eyes were wide for a moment, and Lovino didn't have time to analyze his expression before he gave a smile so happy and all together sincere that it made his own cheeks heat up to the shade of the tomatoes he used to grow in his garden.

"... Anyone want something to drink? Ok, I'll get something f-from the fridge then," he sputtered quickly, marching stiffly into the kitchen before anyone had the chance to object. Instead of bringing drinks out of the fridge, he opened it and leaned his forehead against the door for a moment to cool himself down. Damn, if he knew that being polite and respectful would make everyone gawk at him like a third eye just popped up on his face, he might have stayed a silently annoyed weirdo.

Forcing his head out of the fridge and actually getting the drinks he promised the others, he walked back into the living room, only to halt when Bella turned, holding her finger to her lips. Obviously, Antonio had been too tired to even stay awake for the sake of his guests. Breathing a poof of air, Lovino sat down the drinks, and did the first thing that came to mind; Pulling the Spaniard gently but firmly into his arms, bridal style, and stumbling to the bed room. It probably was a miracle he didn't hurt neither Antonio nor himself, he mused, as he got his boyfriend safely to bed, pulling off his shirt and jacket, checking that the bandages were still in place, before tucking the covers around him, and kissing his forehead softly.

Only afterwards did he realize what the heck he'd just done, staring at the bed with shock. Clearly he had been too tired himself to even realize how heavy the Spaniard had been for his pathetically weak arms. And to think he'd carried him like some kind of... princess. No, he definitely wouldn't tell Antonio about the uncharacteristic action, knowing the Spaniard would only have too much fun teasing him about it. God, what the heck had he been thinking? And jeez, his back would no doubt hurt later; he wasn't built for stuff like that. Not that Antonio was too heavy. The weeks in hospital hadn't done much for his already slender figure, and Lovino decided that he'd have to make sure the Spaniard ate at least twice as much as normal, so he could get back to his old healthy self.

Sighing, Lovino moved to leave the bed room, only coming to a new, and even worse, realization as he entered the living room and was met by two pair of incredulous eyes. With Antonio out of commission, it became painfully obvious who had the job of entertaining the guests and coming up with a sleeping plan for all of them, seeing as sending them back to Spain or wherever they came from just wasn't an option.

Oh joy...

oOo

* * *

><p>The following days were challenging in so many ways for Lovino, who had to make sure that his boyfriend, the fool, stayed put and relaxed like he was supposed to, at the same time as he had to deal with the guests. By all means, they weren't bad people, though Willem tended to rub him the wrong way with his aloof, serious personality at times. The problem wasn't them, he figured. The real problem was timing, and finding the motivation and strength to stay controlled and polite when he just wanted to give them all the finger and walk out, slamming the door behind him. Seriously, they acted like such children at times.<p>

He had never been much of a people person, and being stuck in a not-so-big apartment with three of them, practically sleeping on top of each other – except for Antonio, who got the privilege of the bed, seeing as he was injured – was difficult. Very much so. He was tempted to get back to work, but doctors had put him on a sick leave, on the grounds of having gone through a very traumatic experience in addition to still suffering the lingering effects of the persistent pneumonia he'd developed.

But honestly, Lovino wondered what was the most traumatic; the ordeal at the church or listening as Bella and Antonio chattered mindlessly on and on about anything and everything, or putting up with the childish arguments between Antonio and Willem. There was never a quiet moment, from the moment they woke up until Antonio practically passed out, dead tired, when evening came.

The fact that Francis and Gilbert constantly seemed to pop in as well, didn't help at all. Well, it _did_ kind of help when Francis insisted he'd make food for them all, but that didn't really balance out all the other shit that came with the two eccentric guys.

Lovino's only comfort was that all his guests slept well into late morning, sometimes almost noon. Which meant that he, as an early riser, had a few hours to himself before all hell broke loose. This time was usually spent taking an early walk around the streets as shops and homes woke up to face a new day. He enjoyed these walks, even if the crisp autumn air made his persistent cough worsen a bit as he breathed deeply through the scarf he tucked securely around his neck.

Walking slowly down the sidewalk, enjoying the peace and quiet, like he was doing now, he could let his mind work through everything that had happened without getting depressed. Something about the early morning hours made his stressed and melancholy tendencies lose their hold for a while.

To think that everyone seemed to think it would be good for him to take time off from work, that it would be "relaxing" and "healthy". He should invite those stupid doctors over, show them exactly how things had been these last few days, and ask them again what was supposed to be so fucking relaxing and healthy about it.

Going back to his and Feliciano's house hadn't even been considered. Selfishly leaving Antonio on his own with a healing bullet wound and two houseguests would be simply cruel. Besides, someone had to make sure the idiot Spaniard didn't go and rip his stings in his eagerness to get back to his normal daily life. The aspect of taking the time to heal seemed to be completely unfamiliar to him.

Somehow, the thought of living separately from Antonio again, wasn't as tempting as he would have thought when he moved into the apartment. Perhaps it was because they had spent nearly every waking moment together these last few weeks. Even when Antonio was still in a coma, Lovino had stayed with him. God, that had been awful. Every day he found himself praying that he'd never have to go through that kind of waiting and hoping again. Antonio wasn't meant to be lying motionless in a hospital bed, pale, unsmiling and looking more dead than alive. Not that anyone was, of course, but especially not someone as lively as him.

"Lovino?" a hand connected with his shoulder and he gasped, whirling around. He wasn't sure what happened, but for a moment, all he could see was Sadiq's furious face as he gripped his shoulders tightly, pushing him against the wall.

"N-no, stay away!" Tearing out of the grip on his shoulder, he was shaken out of the hallucination or whatever it was.

"Oh my... I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to startle you!" As the world spun back into its rightful place, Lovino realized that he had somehow ended up by Elizaveta's café, and she was apparently just about to open up. He wondered how he hadn't noticed where he was or that she was there. Maybe he was still half-asleep.

"No, no, it's not your fault, I was just lost in my own thoughts, I guess..." he waved off her apologies, embarrassed at over-reacting like that. She eyed him for a moment, before smiling warmly.

"Out for a morning walk?" she wondered, flipping the sign on the door to 'open'.

"Yeah... Needed some peace and quiet." He breathed in the scent of cakes and other treats that washed out of the open doorway, forgetting that deep breaths tended to activate the coughing mechanism. Elizaveta looked worried as he fell into a coughing fit, one of the harsher ones he still got from time to time. It made his chest ache, but he'd gotten strangely used to the sensation, and didn't think too much of it.

"Nasty cold you got there, honey... That cough doesn't sound good at all!"

"Pneumonia, actually. And it's ok, I'm through the worst, the doctor says."

"Pneumonia? And you're out walking in this cold weather?" To his surprise, he was guided firmly into the café, and all but forced into a booth close to the counter. "Now you stay there, and I'll be right back with something warm for you to drink!" Slightly startled, he watched her as she began fumbling around behind the counter for a cup, which she efficiently filled with hot chocolate. Coming back and setting it down on the table, she sat down across from him.

"I haven't seen sign of any of you boys for weeks now. Of course, if you've been sick, I can understand." Lovino felt a somewhat sinking sensation in his stomach, remembering for the first time that Antonio was pretty much a regular visitor at the café, and none of them had remembered to tell the young woman about everything that had happened. His emotions must somehow have leaked into his expression, because she grew alarmed and eyed him cautiously. "Is something wrong...?"

"It's... a long story. You might want to sit." Those words combined with Elizaveta's almost motherly personality seemed to break an invisible dam he hadn't even been aware of. Before he really knew what was going on, he was telling her about Sadiq and his torment, about the day at the church when he'd been so sure that all of them were going to die, and about all the emotions that had threatened to break him so many times over the last few weeks.

And Elizaveta listened patiently the entire time, holding his hand tightly over the table and giving him her full and undivided attention. She said nothing apart from giving small sounds of encouragement, and it wasn't until after Lovino was done talking that she moved from her position at all. Standing, she came around the table, and sat down next to him, pulling him into a one-armed hug.

"I... don't know what to say," she murmured quietly, clearly shaken by the story. Lovino shook his head, drying off the stray tears that had escaped down his cheeks without him even noticing.

"You don't have to say anything. I'm sorry for venting on you..."

"Oh, don't you worry about that. I'm just happy you managed to talk about it, sweetie. It helps, doesn't it?" Lovino nodded, relaxing into the embrace and looking at her with a small smile.

"Yeah. Thanks, Elizaveta."

She smiled in return, before a more solemn expression took its place. "So... what happened to Sadiq? I sure do hope he got arrested and gets to sit and rot in jail for what he did to you!" Lovino ignored the dark and somewhat disturbing expression on her otherwise pretty face, and swallowed.

"He killed himself, actually. I didn't see it myself, but Ludwig did. He said that Sadiq probably thought he had killed Antonio when he shot him, and couldn't deal with it... Right afterwards, he pointed the gun at his own head and- It wasn't a pretty sight, Ludwig said." Closing his eyes, Lovino swallowed heavily. He couldn't imagine what it would be like seeing someone kill themselves right before their eyes, and was very glad Ludwig had demanded that Feliciano close his eyes and not open them until they were out of the church. "Antonio was facing him when the second shot went off, but I don't know if he was conscious enough to actually see it happen..."

Elizaveta shook her head with a shuddering sigh, clearly trying not to picture it. "God, it's all so... unreal," she murmured. "I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel!"

Lovino thought about it. What _did_ he feel? He hadn't paid much mind to what he was feeling lately, it had just somehow drowned in his worry for his boyfriend's life and health. His eyes slipped closed, as he tried fishing out his own emotions. He had expected to find that he was angry at Sadiq for trying to kill his boyfriend, or even happy that the bastard who had ruined so much was finally dead and gone. He had expected a violent storm of emotions. Opening his eyes eventually, he took a sip of his hot chocolate.

"I just feel... sad that things had to turn out like this," he whispered. Elizaveta nodded slowly, and for a while they just sat there together, while a gentle tune played on the radio in the distance. "And... I want to talk to Antonio, but those damn guests..." he broke off with a tired groan, and Elizaveta blinked in confusion.

"What guests?"

"Some friends of Antonio's, a pair of siblings, apparently. Don't get me wrong, I... don't have anything against them-" not all that _much_ against them, at least, "- but... well..."

"You want your boyfriend to yourself?"

Those words made his face practically explode, and he muttered some half-hearted protests that clearly Elizaveta ignored. "Then please, allow me to help you!" she exclaimed eagerly, and the look in her eyes somehow made him feel like he'd unleashed some kind of beast with his words.

"H-how exactly...?" he questioned, slightly suspicious of her expression.

Elizaveta simply petted his head with a little laugh and winked. When she spoke, it was with a tone he hadn't heard her use before, and quite frankly; he wasn't sure whether he should feel thankful or frightened. "Oh, don't you worry, sweetheart! I have a plan."

oOo

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><p><em>Oh no, Lovino released the yaoi-monster... Hehe. I'd love some feedback, guys! ^^<em>

_Signorina: Miss (Italian). _


	19. Chapter 18

_The final chapter is here, guys! Man, I can hardly believe all the wonderful response I've gotten on this story! Thank you so much to everyone who has read the entire story, and an extra huge thank you to everyone who has taken the time to review! I truly appreciate it! I can't say thank you enough! :D And I hope you'll enjoy the final chapter!_

oOo

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><p>Antonio couldn't help but feel a bit worried, as he slowly devoured his late breakfast. He knew Lovino took walks in the morning, but the Italian was always back by the time he woke up. Admittedly, it wasn't like he had any reason to get paranoid; Lovino was perfectly capable of taking care of himself on a simple morning walk. That thought wasn't enough to calm him down, though, and he constantly glanced at the kitchen door way, expecting to hear Lovino enter the apartment.<p>

"Morning, Toni," Bella yawned widely as she entered the kitchen, still dressed in her pyjamas, and her hair sticking out at impossible angles. "Slept well?"

He just smiled and gave a half-hearted shrug, recalling the nightmares that seemed intent on disturbing his sleep every night. The details always seemed fuzzy when he woke up, but it wasn't that hard to conclude what was the reason for the nightmares. She just gave him a sympathetic smile, before fixing herself some food. She really seemed to feel at home in the apartment, and that made Antonio happy.

It had been quite some time since he'd seen Bella and Willem, and he enjoyed their company. Despite this, he wished they had visited at a better time. He wanted to take them to see all kinds of things now that they were in America with him. Wanted to show them his new home, and everything that came with it. Instead, he was forced to pretty much stay at home and rest. Although he could do small walks and trips outside, he tired easily, and knew that too much activity might potentially slow down his healing.

The physical pain wasn't the worst, however. It seemed as if every night was filled with cold sweat, nightmares and waking up to the sound of gun shots. It seemed as if every day was filled with heavy thoughts, anxiety and exhaustion. And all the while, he tried desperately to ignore these things to make his guests feel comfortable. Perhaps they saw through his attempts to act normal and cheerful, or perhaps not. Either way; it felt as if every day was heavier than the previous, and it grew harder to make them feel at home.

Guilt tore at his heart as well, for being unable to just tell them how things were. He didn't want to make them feel unwelcome, but it felt as if he was lying to them. It hurt more than his healing wound did, and wasn't quite as easy to deal with. A bullet wound you could bandage and the pain could easily be dealt with by taking a few painkillers. But thoughts and feelings? You'd have to be pretty damn drugged down to escape those.

Bella opened her mouth to speak, but didn't have the time before the door bell interrupted her. Standing from his seat, Antonio made his way to the door as fast as he could, unlocking and opening the door to see Francis and Gilbert grinning at him.

"Are your guests up and awake?" Gilbert asked, as the two invited themselves into the apartment. "They better be, 'cause we're taking them on an awesome tour around town!"

"What...?" It was too early in the morning for sudden visits and surprises, Antonio figured, and he simply eyed them with raised eyebrows.

"We are taking Bella and Willem off your hands for today, _mon cher_." Francis supplied with a smile.

Antonio didn't have time to say any more before the two practically forced the startled guests to get dressed and ready, and to his bewilderment he watched as they pulled the siblings along and disappearing out the door, listing various places they were going to see and things they were going to do.

"Get some quality time with your lover now, Toni!" Gilbert called back at him, winking and closing the door to leave Antonio alone in the now almost unnaturally silent living room.

"What the... heck was that all about," he murmured to himself after a while. Suddenly he found himself without guests, without the lover he was supposed to 'get some quality time with', and he couldn't quite decide whether to feel upset or thankful at their unexpected actions. His guests were his responsibility after all, did they think he was incapable of making their stay a good one...? No, he couldn't think like that. They meant it well, of course.

Without the constant distraction of having them around, however, his mood seemed to drop rapidly. Giving a sigh, he made his way back towards the kitchen, wondering yet again where Lovino was. He didn't get far before being distracted by the door bell yet again.

This time he was greeted by a young Asian man, with a camera around his neck and a map in hand. He looked a mix of frustrated and embarrassed.

"I am sorry for disturbing, sir... But do you think you could help me? You see, I'm trying to find my way to this place-" he pointed at a marked spot on the map, a place not too far away from the apartment building, "but I can't seem to find it..." His English was heavily accented, and Antonio guessed him to be Japanese or something like that. Possibly a tourist?

But just why would the disoriented guy go all the way up those stairs and knock on his apartment door in particular...? Antonio shook away this incredulous though, glancing at the map in the man's hand. "Oh, right, I know the place. You just go down south on this street, and then take a left t-"

"Ah, I am sorry, do you think it would be too much trouble coming out and pointing it out to me? I am not very good with directions, you see... I understand if you are busy and it's too much trouble-"

"No, no, not at all." Giving a small smile, Antonio fetched the key, pulled on a jacket and followed the man down and onto the sidewalk, not really caring he was still only dressed in pyjamas under the jacket. It was quite chilly, though, and he hoped it wouldn't take long.

As it turned out, pointing out the directions did take longer than he had expected, as the man's accented English at times made communication difficult. Apparently, he was honestly having trouble understanding the directions Antonio gave. Somehow, they managed to get quite a distance away from the apartment building, as Antonio tried showing him directly which street to go down and such. Eventually, the Japanese smiled, nodding vigorously and thanking him for the help. Then he was off... in the wrong direction, and Antonio muttered some foul words under his breath as he called after the guy, and found himself explaining everything one more time, this time making sure the other really understood. When the guy was finally gone, Antonio shook his head with wonder before turning to head back inside again. Honestly, making a poor guy go out in his pyjamas just for some directions… Couldn't he have asked someone on the street instead?

"OH! Antonio! Hi! Fancy seeing you here!" He came to a startled stop at the corner of the building, surprised at Elizaveta's sudden appearance. She smiled brightly at him, and sounded excited for some reason, speaking louder than she normally did.

"H-hey," he greeted back, suddenly realizing that he had yet to have told her about everything that had happened. The thought made newfound guilt wash over him. "Out for a walk...?" he questioned, glancing down at her attire. She looked to be wearing the green café uniform dress, under a warm jacket.

"Uh, yeah, just had to do a favour for a friend of mine," she said with a smile. "I was just on my way back to the café now."

"Wouldn't you like to come in for a cup of coffee first?" Antonio asked, smiling as cheerfully as he could. It was more to be polite than because he actually wanted to talk to her at the moment. She was a good friend, and she deserved to know what had happened, but he wasn't sure he could deal with it at the moment.

"No!" she stepped into his path as he began walking, and he jumped a little at the sudden exclamation, sending her an incredulous stare. She gave a sheepish smile. "I mean, I... really have to get going, I'm running late as it is," she said. She seemed somewhat anxious, though he didn't get the chance to question her odd behaviour before she gave him a gentle hug out of nowhere. "Uh... Take care, Toni, ok?"

"Um, sure... You too," he returned the hug, glad she didn't hug him tightly enough to aggravate his wound, and couldn't help but wonder as the hug lasted longer than usual, making the whole ordeal a tad bit awkward.

"Elizaveta?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you ok?"

"Of course, why?

"Well, then do you think I can go inside now, it's a bit cold out here…"

She quickly let go, giving him a bright smile. "Sorry about that. Ok, see you later then, honey." And then she marched on down the sidewalk, leaving him to stare after her. Apparently, he wouldn't have to tell her about the incident at the church today at least. Shaking his head with a small smile, he turned to get inside before anything else got in his way. It was a relief to finally enter the apartment building, and he enjoyed the warmth for a second before starting up the stairs. He didn't get far before he spotted a rose on one of the steps. Closely followed by another on a step further up.

"What the..." Following the trail of flowers in various colours up the stairs, he was surprised and curious to find that it lead directly down the hallway, stopping by the door to his own apartment. Moving over to the door, he hesitated a bit before unlocking it and entering, cautiously.

It was dark inside, but he could have sworn that he had left the lights on when he went out... Opening his mouth to say something, he stopped abruptly when the gentle tunes of a piano filled the apartment. It was a song he'd heard before, though he'd never heard it played on a piano. He couldn't remember who wrote it, but that seemed unimportant as a soft voice joined the piano in song.

_Wish I had what I needed  
>to be on my own<br>'Cause I feel so defeated  
>And I'm feeling alone<br>And it all seem so helpless  
>And I have no plans<br>I'm a plane in the sunset  
>with nowhere to land<br>_

The gentle voice could only belong to one person. And as he sung, Lovino moved slowly around the apartment, lighting candles and slowly spreading light across the living room again. The lights lit up his beautiful eyes like they were a pair of lanterns glowing in the darkness. But that wasn't the only thing that was lit up by the candle lights; as the room was enveloped in a golden glow, Antonio noticed for the first time that the trail of roses continued across the floor, and that it lead to the living room table, where they formed a heart.

_And all I see  
>it could never make me happy<br>and all my sand castles spend their time collapsing_

Lovino finished lighting the candles, and was moving over towards his boyfriend, stopping in front of him. He was close enough now that Antonio could see the way his face and eyes spoke every emotion lingering in the song so clearly. Close enough that he could see the blush touching his cheeks and the way his lips curled around every word so delicately.

He was vaguely aware that tears were escaping down his own cheeks without his permission, but that didn't matter. All he could see and hear was this wonderful man in front of him, singing the truths and thoughts that had probably haunted them both lately even if none of them had said so. 

Let me know that you hear me  
>Let me know your touch<br>Let me know that you love me  
>Let that be enough<p>

Lovino's voice drifted off as he ended the chorus, and the piano melody, which came from the small stereo by the bookshelf, continued on its own. As the chorus began again, Antonio joined in, remembering the words. His singing voice wasn't the best, especially considering he was crying harder by the moment, for some reason or another. But what did it matter?

_Let me know that you hear me  
>Let me know your touch<br>Let me know that you love me  
>Let that be enough...<em>

The song came to an end, and Antonio let out a half chuckle, half sob, nodding towards the flowers on the table. He couldn't manage to speak the question on his tongue, but Lovino picked up on it, giving a little smile and blushing deeper.

"I had... help," he said quietly. Suddenly the confused "tourist" and Elizaveta's unexpected appearance and strange behaviour made sense, and Antonio gave another choked chuckle. "Sorry if I... upset you?" the Italian looked a bit uncertain where he stood, possibly questioning if this plan was such a good idea after all.

"No, I'm not... upset... or well, I am, but it's n-not your fault, it's just..." Antonio realized he was blabbering, unable to form coherent sentences as he fought to explain the reason for his sentimentality. In the end he didn't have to, as Lovino moved closer, wrapping his arms around him. Startled at the sudden physical approach, Antonio could only stand there, shell-shocked at first.

"I get it," Lovino spoke softly, halting Antonio's attempt at explaining. "You've been keeping everything in. Just like I always do. Fuck this, Antonio, even I know it's not healthy to keep it bottled up!"

Antonio swallowed and drew a shaky breath before being able to ask the question he'd been struggling with for so long. "C-can I... let it out?" Lovino's response was to hold him tighter, nodding into his shoulder and giving a muffled, choked reply;

"As if you have to ask for permission, you silly Spaniard..."

Regardless of whether he needed to get permission or not to break down, it felt good to know that his boyfriend wouldn't hold it against him. And so that was exactly what he did; allowing himself to break down in Lovino's arms, allowing himself to cry out the fear and the pain that had haunted him ever since he woke up in the hospital.

The two sank down to the floor in a heap, holding each other tightly, as if the other might disappear if they let go, crying out the fear and pain that had weighed them both down. Antonio couldn't remember the last time he'd cried like this. And to think that all the times he'd read about how crying makes you feel lighter, he'd thought it to be an exaggeration... He couldn't have been more wrong.

None of the two bothered keeping track of time, but eventually the loud sobs subsided into occasional sniffling and hiccupping, and both were left in a crumpled mess on the floor, eyes red and cheeks sticky from salt.

"We probably look like hell," Antonio snorted after a long time of silence, voice hoarse and tired from the strain. Lovino pulled away far enough away to see his face, gave a grimace and nodded gravely.

"Yeah," he confirmed, "we definitely look like hell."

Antonio's lips twisted into a smile, and with a sigh, they turned around so they were sitting back to back on the carpet, resting against each other. Antonio closed his eyes, and simply enjoyed the warm back against his own for a while. The apartment was quiet, apart from their breathing and a bird chirping lightly somewhere in the distance. It was so different from what it had been these last days, and thus felt strangely unfamiliar. But not in a bad way, Antonio concluded with a smile. It was funny, really; he'd spent large parts of his life enjoying silence and solitude, even after befriending Bella and Willem, but now that he had moved to America, it felt as if there had hardly been time to wish for silence or solitude at all.

So, should America still be called the land of opportunity, of freedom and so on, or should it just be called the land of endless noise and activity...? No. The land of change? Yes, that sounded more correct, and would explain his sudden fondness of having people around, having something to do, and somewhere to be.

"Jeez, I feel like a walking cliché," he heard from behind him, and gave a smile at the irony; Lovino had just expressed one of the thoughts that had struck him as well.

"The sun seems warmer, the air seems lighter, that sort of thing?" he hummed quietly, and got an amused chuckle as a response. He assumed correctly that he'd hit the nail on the spot.

"The only thing that's missing is the deep-ass conversation that often follows shit like this, isn't it?" He could practically hear the sceptical grimace in his boyfriend's words, but there was a certain truth to what he said.

Antonio couldn't help but sigh dramatically, lifting a hand in the air as if reaching out at some invisible audience. "For there is darkness still looming in thy heart; questions, of which we know not an answer, despair that hath yet to be relieved from thy fragile, burdened shoulders..."

"That's a bit _too_ deep, thank you very much. And whose shoulders are you calling fragile, exactly?" Lovino giggled where he sat.

"Don't you like my Shakespeare-impression, Lovi?"

"Oh, you were doing a Shakespeare-impression? I couldn't tell through the dramatic moaning. Besides; I hate to break it to you, but your Spanish lisp kind of ruined the British accent."

"As if you could have done it better, with your Italian 'I'm-a Italian, and I like-a to eat-a pasta~'"

"Oh now you're just being mean," Lovino tried to sound stern, but failed miserably as his back still shook with stifled laughter.

"Nah, I like your accent, it's adorable," Antonio smiled. "And so is my lisp, by the way," he added proudly.

"Never said it wasn't," came the amused reply, and Antonio was once again reminded of how much their relationship had changed since they first began their awkward dating. Lovino had become more open, and hopeful in a way. His voice wasn't as harsh and cold anymore; and his eyes seemed warmer and less... empty.

But despite the progress towards the better, there was still a long way to go, that much was obvious. His boyfriend's past clearly wasn't just a minor detail, and Antonio wondered if he would ever manage to move on without carrying the negative experiences with him. This thought reminded him that his pathetic Shakespeare-impression was partially truthful; some questions were still un-answered.

"Lovino..." he began carefully, having realized that if he was to wait for the perfect timing, he'd never be able to speak what was on his mind. "What happened to your parents?"

There was no violent reaction, in fact the tensing of his boyfriend's posture was barely noticeable, and Antonio guessed that the other had already figured out he would ask about that. He'd been right; emotional outbursts often gave way for deep conversations.

Lovino inhaled slowly and exhaled in a small sigh before starting to talk. "My parents were great people, through and through. Mother was an artist and father was a doctor, and they were just about as different as two people could be. I don't remember much from the years before Feliciano was born, but I do remember how much love and care they put into being with me." He paused for a moment before continuing with a new fondness in his voice.

"Then Feliciano came along. He was as cute as any baby could be, and I remember promising to always be the most amazing big brother I could be, and take care of him at all times. As we grew older, Feliciano only grew cuter, and he was always so kind and sweet to everyone. Almost from the moment he could walk, he wanted to help with chores, and always joined mother when she was painting. He had inherited her talent in arts, and she encouraged him greatly. He also began helping with dinner and all kinds of things around the house..."

Antonio listened intently, finding his boyfriend's hand beside him and taking it in his own, a silent encouragement to go on.

"I have always been clumsy. I saw how Feliciano helped out so much, and wanted to do the same...but it only resulted in me knocking over vases or even bookshelves accidentally. Any food I tried to help with ended up ruined because I put too much of the wrong ingredients in it. I wanted to paint like Feliciano did, but it was only crooked lines and splotches of paint in comparison... And our parents gradually began favouring Feliciano. Sweet Feliciano. Talented Feliciano. Helpful Feliciano... All I ever seemed to be was 'in the way'."

A heavy sigh could be heard, and Lovino shifted slightly, though soon settling back against Antonio again. It was as if he was fighting an urge to run away from having to talk about it, determined to go through with it no matter how painful the memories might be.

"I know they didn't mean to favour Feliciano – they probably didn't even notice they were doing it. Soon, they began responding to my clumsy accidents with things like 'You are so clumsy, your brother doesn't knock things over like that, and he's three years younger!'... They always compared me to him, and they're favourite saying became 'why can't you be more like your brother?'... God, that hurt."

It wasn't hard to understand how that would hurt, and Antonio found that it made him angry how parents could do something like that, whether they meant it or not. Parents were supposed to treat their children with love and to accept their unique personalities. Even he, who'd never had parents, knew that much.

"I grew angry after a while, and figured that when I never got any praise no matter how hard I tried, I could as well stop caring all together. I began refusing to do chores, began cursing, and just... adopted a bad personality, I suppose. I guess I had a hope that my behaviour would make them see me and take the time to find out how I really felt. All it served to do was give me loads of punishments, and they began spending more time with Feliciano. To them, I was a good-for-nothing trouble child, and I... I began believing that they didn't love me anymore. I felt abandoned, forgotten. I even tried doing nice things to make them love me again, but things always went wrong due to my clumsiness and fear, and they ended up blaming me yet again.

"As I grew older, the arguments grew more heated. The worst argument was one time when we were going to Grandfather's place on a vacation. I had stalled us because I didn't want to go. I always felt that I was even more excluded when we visited him, and I even emptied one of their bags just to make a mess so we'd be too late for the plane. They were stressed out as it was, and grew angry. Father began shouting at me, that I was selfish and troublesome, and began listing how great Feliciano was at everything – again. But then he said something he'd never done before; that... that one child would have been more than enough... It wasn't hard to guess which child he would have wanted."

"How could he say that?" Antonio couldn't help but gasp at this, shocked. But Lovino only squeezed his hand gently, and he fell quiet again.

"He was stressed, understandably. We drove towards the air port, and I was more upset than I'd ever been. I kept yelling at him, distracting him. I think mother tried calming us down, and tried telling Father to slow down, but... I egged him on, and..." he broke off with a shaky breath of air, and Antonio could hear him swallow heavily a few times before finding his voice again.

"We... headed around a curve in the road, and the road was slippery from the rain the night before. He lost control of the car, and we crashed into a tractor with a wagon of lumber parked at the side of the road. Father was killed immediately... crushed in his seat. Mother had somehow forgotten her seatbelt, and went flying out the w-window."

"Oh God..." Antonio felt sick, practically imagining the scene of the accident. Lovino was trembling behind him, though his words betrayed no sign of tears. All it held was an almost hollow sadness.

"It was my fault. I was the reason he was driving too fast, and I distracted him. God, Antonio, my last words were that I hated him...!"

"And they were words of anger and hurt," Antonio said steadily, "If they really cared about you – and I'm sure they did, deep down – they would know that. I don't think for a moment that they would blame you."

"But-"

"You were a child, Lovino. You were in pain. Your father should have known better than to drive too fast on a slippery road. Things like this can't be blamed on anyone! Accidents happen, and this was an accident. A devastating accident, of course, but still an _accident_. You never meant for it to happen. Your father never meant for it to happen. And neither did your mother or Feliciano."

The room fell silent once again, and Antonio vaguely noticed how the bird outside the window was still chirping cheerfully, and how the clock was still ticking. Lovino's voice when he spoke was so timid that he almost didn't hear it at all. "Do you think... I could be forgiven?"

Antonio contemplated the question for a moment, before smiling sadly. "I'm sure you were forgiven long ago, Lovinito. You just have to forgive yourself."

Lovino was silent for a long time before giving a sigh and standing abruptly, stretching and reaching out a hand to help Antonio up. The Spaniard was taken by surprise, but accepted the offered hand. His body seemed to have fallen asleep, and tingled uncomfortably now that he began moving again.

"It'll take time," Lovino then said, and gave a small smile that held both pain and hope at the same time. The words had been spoken before, and Antonio remembered it well. Giving a smile of his own, he reached forward and planted a kiss on his boyfriend's lips.

"Take all the time you want, Lovinito, I've said it before, and I'll say it as many times as I have to. I'll be right here."

There really wasn't any doubt in that statement. A life without Lovino just couldn't be imagined anymore, and there was no way Antonio would leave unless directly demanded to by Lovino himself – which didn't seem to be happening anytime soon, judging by the steadily growing trust in the Italian's golden eyes.

The room was silent for a while, before Lovino grabbed Antonio's hand, leading him towards the kitchen with a small chuckle.

"Now, what would you say to that apple pie I promised you?" The Italian smiled at him, a true smile, and for the first time in a long time, Antonio felt completely at ease with the world again, as if he'd awoken from a long nightmare. Grinning, he pushed all thoughts of churches, insane Turks and bullet injuries far into the back of his head, and eagerly pumped a fist into the air.

"I'd say hurry up and make it so we can eat it up before the others get back! Oh, and I'm still hoping for that lovely Italian desert I mentioned earlier-"

"Oh, you're hopeless..."

"Aw, love you too, Lovinito. Love you too."

oOo

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><p><em>The song used in this chapter is "Let that be enough" by Switchfoot. It's a beautiful song, and I recommend you check it out! : )<em>

_Thank you everyone, yet again! I'd love to hear your final thoughts on the story and on the ending! And I'm sure there will be more stories out eventually, when I find time and inspiration to write more. ^^ There probably won't be a sequel or anything for this, though, so don't get your hopes up._

_So… take care, everyone!_


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